Baby Boomers

It was a quiet and restful weekend. It was exactly what I needed. I managed to get out of the office early on Friday. My oldest son, who is in charge of all family car maintenance, was going to meet me at home and take my car for some warranty repairs. This meant I was going to have the whole afternoon at home to do whatever I wanted. The first thing I did was transfer all the TV and DVD remotes from my wife's table to mine. Then I went to my music room and selected a few of my favorite musical DVD's, i.e. The Monterey Pop Festival (A Summer of Love event), Carlos Santana & Friends at the Montreux Jazz Festival, and John Fogerty at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles (I saw this same show in Cincinnati and it was one of the highlights of last summer for a friend and me). Once the DVD's had been selected I sat in my new Lazy Boy chair and turned it up LOUD. I was quite content for the afternoon. Admittedly, I did doze off late in the afternoon despite the jamming.

Saturday was free of obligations except that my wife and I did bust her mother out of the nursing home. Although she still has some memory issues, she has been making a nice recovery and we hope to take her back to the assisted living home where she has been since late 2003. Needless to say she felt like a bird that had been released from it's cage. I knew she was getting better because she is bored and complains about the food. We wanted to give her a good meal so we tried a new restaurant called "Mimi's Cafe". I'm not sure if this is a chain or not but it is the first one in Louisville. It has a French decor but the food is American which means something for everyone. I had some very tasty Cordon Bleu.

Sunday afternoon I watched a very interesting PBS special called "The Boomer Century 1946-2046". You are a baby boomer if you were born between 1946 and 1964. It was like watching a history of my own life so far. Even though my generation is not perfect, this show made me proud to be a Baby Boomer. The future is hopeful and optimistic for my generation but not lacking in challenges. There was a statement in the show that I thought was great and it went like this, "We are what we leave behind". I found that this statement intriguing. I hope to live many more years but if I died today, what am I leaving behind that represents me and says something about who I was? In general I hope that my own attempts to raise my consciousness and deepen my spirit have encouraged others to do so as well. That is part of the reason I share my journey with others. I would also be leaving behind two sons and a granddaughter. What part of me will continue to live in them? Who knows? They may change the world in a way that I have not. I may have been born just to be their father and grandfather. When I am gone and people are sorting through all my stuff they will find these daily thoughts as well as hand written thoughts that contain much family history and some of my personal angst. I have a nice library of books dealing with various aspects of spirituality and a music collection that any baby boomer would kill to have. Filling in all the gaps are many trinkets and souvenirs I gathered throughout my life but what will I leave behind that is intangible? What memories will others have of me or you? How will we be remembered? What is our legacy? What difference did we make in the lives of others? People who know me at work will remember these thoughts more than any work I did. How will family remember us? What about friends? When our lives are over, what will be the sum of our existence? I hope I am remembered as a kind and compassionate man. One who was respectful of the old and playful with children. I hope I will be remembered as one who walked the talk of what he believed in. Some will remember my seriousness but I hope more will remember my humor. Will I be remembered for my attempts to love? I hope I have also made some think but also laugh. All of these thoughts may seem a depressing way to start a Monday. These thoughts, however, are not about impending death. They are about life. This is a challenge for all of us to live well, love much, forgive all, hurt no one, to dance and laugh everyday

Ego

One of my friends recently made a comment to me saying, "I hope the popularity of your daily thoughts doesn't play to your ego". What would we do without our egos constantly challenging us? It is difficult to have no ego. Most spirituality, regardless of the tradition, has teachings about the ego. Buddhists strive for nothingness and an empty mind while Christians strive to die to self in order to put God and others first. Just think of the term "selflessness". It is an easy word to understand. It simply means less of the self. How many of us put ourselves last.....willingly....on a daily basis? The average person is good and does not want to hurt others but they still often put themselves first. We have a tendency towards selfishness. We like ourselves and we often like the glorification of ourselves. We love praise and adulation. I enjoy compliments and I have received more personal compliments since writing these daily thoughts than ever before in my life. It's nice to receive them but one must be careful not to believe all the hype about oneself. I think in the world of celebrities many have met their downfall by believing their own press releases. Some people have been very impressed with the things I say and the way I write. They send me emails telling me so. There is always the temptation to believe that maybe I really am wise and as great as some believe. This temptation is usually squashed when I go home every night. My joke about this is that a prophet is never accepted in his own country...or home. At home I am just Dad. I'm the guy who can be annoying and who occasionally has a tantrum. I am not the Dalai Lama sitting on a mountain top in Tibet. I am the guy getting yelled at for playing music too loud or for picking movies that everyone else thinks is boring. We should not have big egos about anything. If you have a talent for anything, it is a gift to you for others. You are not necessarily a great person because you have a great gift. Some of the most artistic people in the world are jerks. I believe we all have gifts even if we are not aware of them yet. We are all here for a reason. Sooner or later our gift and our reason for being will be clear to us. I am not a person of many gifts but I do think I have a gift for writing. This gift, however, has only surfaced for the benefit of others in recent years. I like having this gift and it pleases me that others enjoy it. When I sometimes write things that impress others I wonder where it came from. My fingers move on my keyboard and thoughts fall out of my head. Most of these thoughts I did not realize were in there. I suppose that my talent for writing, like the gifts of so many other people, have been lying dormant waiting for the right time to reveal themselves. Does the earth have an ego because it produces a flower? No more than we should for producing anything that is good. Be open to the Spirit within you and let your gifts break through the soil of your being and produce joy for others. All the beauty of spring is hidden beneath the barrenness of winter. It's there even when you can't see it. The same can be said about individual gifts.

Yesterday Chloe came to my office and helped me read emails. She was with me for about an hour. She sat on my desk and we talked. While we were talking, we shared three tootsie roll pop (different colors), a bottle of chocolate milk, and some vanilla pudding. We rode the elevator up and down and visited the fountain outside as we walked to and from the parking garage. The only time she was silent is when I tried to introduce her to someone. Of course, everyone who saw her said, "Hi, Chloe!". She must have wondered how all these strangers knew her name. Well, that's what happens when your Pa Paw turns you into a celebrity.

The Basics of Life

Yesterday I received an email from someone I don't know asking if I would add them to my daily thoughts list. They told me that someone forwarded my thoughts to them and that my writing reminded them of the author Robert Fulghum. I considered this a great compliment because I really like Robert Fulghum and have most of his books. He wrote a wonderful little book called All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. The book is uncommon thoughts on common things. Here are the basics of his book. This advice will serve you well in life. The author discovered that wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain but there in the sand pile at Sunday school.

Share everything,
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life...learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon. (My personal favorite)
When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

Here's why I sometimes want to run away and join the circus. This was my day yesterday.

Get out of bed at 6:15 AM and go to work in order to support basic life systems, i.e. water, electricity, housing, food, car, cable, CD's etc.
Leave work and pick up wife at her office.
Drive to the other side of town to check on mother in law in nursing home. (On Tuesdays and Thursdays, substitute go to daycare and pick up Chloe but I like that job)
Grab some dinner on the way home.
Take a bath and change clothes.
Continue laundry begun a day or two ago.
Read the morning paper and then fall asleep in chair.
Wake up and continue laundry. Take clothes out of dryer. Take clothes out of washer and put into dryer. Pick up another pile of clothes on the floor and put into washer.
Watch a movie with the family. (A Night at the Museum)
Continue laundry.
Load the dishwasher.
Prepare recycle bin for morning pick up.
Take shirts out of dryer, carry upstairs, and hang in closet.
Get ready for bed. Finally get there at 11:30 PM. Watch a little David Letterman. Turn off TV after today's top 10 list.
Fall asleep debunking the myth of the eight hour work day and thinking about how the whole cycle will begin again in little over six hours.

Passion

One of my friends, who shares my love of music, once told me a story. She was sharing her enthusiasm for music with another friend. When she finished sharing her story, the friend said, "I didn't know there were still people like you"! At first she wasn't sure it was a compliment. Later when she shared this story with me I told I would have considered it a compliment. Why? I think her friend recognized her passion. Perhaps the friend didn't understand her passion but he could hear it in her voice. It's a great thing to have passion for something. I sometimes recognize it in myself when I am teaching or discussing spirituality and I also share my friends passion for music. There's so much in life that many of us simply trudge our way through. When we have passion for something it is exciting. When I feel passionate about something I feel more alive. I like it that I can still get excited about something. Whether it's beautiful sunrise, a blazing guitar solo, or a quiet, contemplative moment, I can still be impressed. I love to be in awe and I love to be with others who share my awe. How do you know others share your feelings? You know because you don't have to explain the moment or the feeling to them. I have shared many quiet moments with friends when we all knew no words needed to be spoken. It was enough to share the silence. There have also been many joyful moments in musical settings when I have looked at a friend and the look in our eyes told one another that we were mutually lost in the music and experiencing something like a Vulcan mind meld with the musicians. I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that had a Grateful Dead logo with the words, "If I have to explain you wouldn't understand". Any Deadhead knew what I was talking about. I admit that I struggle with cynicism about much in life. This is much in life that disappoints. However, I am grateful that I can still be in awe, can still be impressed, can still get lost in the moment, can still feel joy, and can still be passionate. I still have fire in my belly and I am grateful for that. When I feel the burn I know I am still alive.

Yesterday was Tuesday so I picked up my granddaughter, Chloe, at the day-care. Since she is just weeks away from her third birthday, she's been moved to another class with other children her age. She showed her usual excitement when she saw me. It's no secret that being a grandfather is the source of many of my best moments. I am in awe of her as a person. It is a wonderful experience to watch her grow and develop into a unique, one of a kind person. She's quite the little girl. Last night we spent part of the evening sitting at my kitchen table eating frosted flakes out of the box and drinking chocolate milk. We talked about everything under the sun. Eventually we moved into my music room where we listened to some Talking Heads. She got into the groove and soon her little body was moving in rhythm with the funkified beat of the music. She's a hip little girl. I wonder if someday she will be in a contest like the young girl in "Little Miss Sunshine" doing a dance that her Pa Paw taught her. (If you haven't seen "Little Miss Sunshine", tell your boss that you don't feel good and need to go home. On your way stop at Blockbuster and rent it.)

Recently I have rediscovered a simple pleasure. The mornings have been so wonderful lately that I have been spending some time sitting on my front porch for a while before I leave for work. It occurred to me this morning how similar early morning in my neighborhood is to being at the monastery. All is quiet and calm. This morning I was sitting with a cup of coffee warming my hands while listening to birdsong. Nearby a red bird was perched on a bare limb seeming lost in thought and taking it all in as was I. There was a light fog shrouding the ground and bushed. Such moments are ripe for contemplation.

What Is Contentment?

What is contentment? Most of us are not overjoyed with every aspect of our lives so we at least hope for contentment. Sometimes I am joyful, occasionally I am happy, but often I simply feel content. But what does that mean? I hope that contentment is more than simple resignation or acceptance of what is. Contentment is surely more than a "whatever" attitude about life. I don't want to just settle for what life has given me. I want my contentment to be wrapped in gratitude. Perhaps contentment is the mature acceptance that life is sometimes joyful, sometimes happy, and occasionally sad. No one is happy all the time although some seem to always live with a joyful spirit even when life is hard. Even joyful people who are often happy cannot escape the occasional sadness of life. Perhaps we are content when we live with an attitude of acceptance for whatever life brings us each day. Perhaps contentment is understanding that some days are better than others but all days, even ones filled with sadness, are a gift. Contentment can also be the acceptance that whatever you have is enough. Contentment may be the absence of obsessive longing for more than you need. Most of my life has been good in the sense that my legitimate needs have been met and many of my desires have been met as well. For now I am going to be content with these few words. It is late night as I type them. I accept that my mind is tired and cannot think any deeper without sleep and the joy of a new dawn. This acceptance gives me peace and I content for now to offer these short thoughts. They are enough and all I have to offer right now.

Tragedy In The Neighborhood

It was a mostly busy weekend that started with sadness. Friday night I looked out my window and noticed most of the local news media parked outside my home and up and down my street. I found out later there had been a murder-suicide right around the corner, just hundreds of feet from where I live. I did not know the people and was not aware of any problems. I live in an old and quiet neighborhood. It is an integrated collection of elderly folks, working people, and young families. I know I am fortunate to live in a neighborhood where such violence, and even crime, are very rare. This sad event is another reason to pray for peace in our families and in our neighborhoods.

Yesterday I crept out of bed as quietly as I could in the early morning darkness trying not to wake my wife and Chloe who were sleeping beside me. Being the first Sunday of the month, I was committed to going to the monastery. I live about 50 miles from the Abbey of Gethsemani and feel very fortunate to have such easy access to such a holy place. I go there once a month to meet with a group of like minded individuals. I am not really their leader. I am more an organizer and facilitator of our monthly gatherings and discussions. Part of the experience is to also attend mass with the monks. After a short prayer called Tierce, guests are invited to sit up front near the monastic community. It is quite uplifting to walk up the long nave of the abbey church while Father Chrysogonus plays jubilantly upon the huge pipe organ. In the world of liturgical music Father Chrysogonus is something of a rock star. Sitting near the monks and participating in their community prayer one can strongly smell the sweet aroma of incense. It always reminds me of the Psalm that goes "Let my prayer, O Lord, rise before you like incense"! After mass I finished my visit with a simple but tasty pot luck lunch with my friends. After our good-byes we parted and headed in our different directions. The drive home was enjoyable and the overcast morning had turned into a beautiful and sunny day. When I pulled in my driveway, young Chloe was standing in the doorway.

Speaking of Chloe and other small children......Chloe is quite active and can be a handful. As a general rule she is usually well behaved but, like me, she has a short attention span. Her restless pursuit of activity can be exhausting. We have discovered something that is worth every penny of money that it cost. It is a DVD called "Madagascar". It is a Disney cartoon about some zoo animals who escape the zoo and end up in Madagascar. It holds Chloe spellbound. We were in great need of a new DVD because I have watch the "Doodlebops" DVD at least 457 times in recent months

A New Month

It is a new month! It hard to believe it is already June. In my kitchen I have a box full of Christmas coffee mugs sitting in a corner. I have been putting them away since last December. I suppose at this point it could be considered proactive for me to leave them out for another six months in preparation for Christmas 2007. If you wait long enough even procrastination can be transformed into being proactive.

I have flipped the pages on my calendars. Now I have new pictures to stare at in moments of fatigue, confusion, panic, or simple daydreaming. One of my calendars has pictures from the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I buy one of these calendars every year because I love the nature photography. It adds an element of peacefulness to my little self enclosed cubicle world. Whenever I feel the need I can look at the nature scene of the month and retreat in my mind to a quiet and beautiful place. On my other wall is a calendar from Holy Spirit Monastery in Conyers, Georgia. It was sent to me by my friend, Brother Chaminade. He is a monk that I met in France. We hit it off and have remained in contact with one another. He does a better job of writing to me than I do writing to him. I do send him my daily thoughts so he knows what's up with me. Being familiar with monastic life I am also aware of his daily life. I appreciate the fact that he is a silent presence in my life and that he is one more person who remembers me in prayer. I like having both calendars. One keeps me in secular time and the other keeps me in sacred time. The truth is that they are one and the same. Even when you try to live with a spiritual consciousness, those of us in the world must also be about our daily tasks and responsibilities. The spiritual journey and it's hoped for enlightenment is simply becoming more aware of what should be obvious. The world is full of the greatness and goodness of God and each moment is pregnant with grace when anything and everything is possible.

Why do these four day work weeks seem six days long? It has been a long week. I am finally feeling better but I am weary. Because of my long illness I have not slept well. The combination of medicine and fatigue have kept me in a daze for much of the last two weeks. I look forward to the weekend and the possibility of extra sleep. I will have to get up early on Sunday to visit the monastery. I go there once a month to meet with a small group of like minded folks. It is sometimes difficult to drag myself out of bed but I enjoy the drive there and the time I am with my friends and the monks. What I really need is a few days at the monastery alone so I can really rest and get renewed. I have had some world class naps in the silence and solitude of the monastery. It is place to renew not only the soul but the body as well. Like life and spirituality, the body and soul cannot be separated. Both need attention in order to be balanced.