Criticism And Rainbows With Chloe

All of us are sometimes criticized. It is sometimes referred to as constructive feedback to give it a more positive spin but it still feels like good old criticism. I have been criticized many times in my life and I admit that I didn't always take it very well. It's not because I think I am perfect. It more because I really strive to be perfect and to do the right thing. When someone tells me I am not reaching my goal or meeting an expectation, it hurts. I don't know if there is a painless way to receive and accept criticism. I do, however, believe there is often a painless and positive way to give constructive feedback. First of all you must always respect the dignity and feelings of the person on the receiving end. Constructive feedback can be presented in a gentle, even loving, way. Constructive feedback doesn't have to be presented with totally negative terminology. The reality of a situation can be presented in a non threatening way balanced with positive examples of how the situation could have been handled or how it might be handled in the future. I don't think any decent human being comes to work or does anything with the intention of making mistakes or doing poorly. In today's complex and highly technical work environments. the use of computers often make the possibility of errors more likely than not. Some management gurus, like W. Edwards Deming, believe that mistakes in the workplace are usually the blame of a system or process rather than the person. When was the last time a "system" or a "process" was put on a work improvement program? People seem like the only option for criticism, so they are usually given the blame. None of us are perfect and we do make mistakes and sometimes our mistakes may be carelessness. Sometimes we may need encouragement or some deserved criticism. If we deserve it, we need to be humble and accept that we have made a mistake or need to get our heads on straight. If we are the leader, the parent, or the friend, do it in a caring, non threatening way so the person walks away with some dignity and resolve to try harder. Encourage them. Don't break their spirit.

Yesterday was Tuesday so I had dinner with Princess Chloe. She was in a great mood and I was happy to see her. While at dinner there was one of those sudden summer rainstorms. We were seated right next to a window so we joyfully watched the downpour. Later, as we were parked in the Pharmacy drive thru picking up my monthly batch of pills, Chloe exclaimed, "Look, a rainbow"! There, outside the window on her side of the car was not one, but two very colorful rainbows arched across the sky. It was a beautiful sight and a reminder of the wondrousness of life and how magical moments can suddenly appear out of nowhere. I was proud of Chloe for seizing the moment and being present to the beauty and wonder of it. Maybe all the time she spends with me is influencing her in a positive way. Later, when she wanted to step on a bug, we had a difference of opinion on the value of all life. I need to work on that with her during our next dialogue.

Everyone Is Important

We live in a culture that places high value on job oriented achievement and financial success. All of us, whether we like it or not, are subjected to this mentality. Society is more concerned with what we do than with who we are. People are more impressed with you if you are a doctor or a lawyer, even if you are a bad one, than if you are a carpenter or a plumber. The irony is that I am sure there are many doctors and lawyers and other people of means that would gladly give a plumber whatever it takes to unclog their toilet or pay a master carpenter their price to build them a customized wooden entertainment center. Every time I pass a construction site and see all the workers I am envious of their talent and amazed at their skill. I think the important thing is to find something that you love and do it. One should be motivated more by the love of the work than the size of the paycheck or the title. Of course this must be balanced with earning a living that supports a lifestyle in which you feel comfortable. Many are comfortable with a simple life, others need many things. Not everyone has the desire or the talent to be a doctor or a carpenter. I believe, however, that we are all good at something although it may take us years to discover our gift. Even if we may be in a job that doesn't completely reflect our love or our talent, there are jobs within jobs that can reflect who we really are. I never had any desire to be a supervisor in a large office. Much of what I do is not what I love or who I am. However, my current situation does allow me to teach and express myself through my daily thoughts as well as offer me many opportunities to help and counsel people. Be who you are, discover your talent, find your gift , and do what you love. Everybody and everything is important. We need doctors to heal us and lawyers to protect our rights but we also need people to pick up our trash and keep our pipes flowing.

Last night I realized that Chloe and the Dalai Lama have the same birthday!

Picnic At The Monastery

Yesterday I rolled out of bed at 6:57 AM and headed for the shower. It was early but the sun was up and daybreak had already arrived. As soon as I was out of the shower I woke up my son. He was going to accompany me on a trip to the monastery. Soon we were ready and we left home, stopping only for gasoline, coffee, and some muffins. Part of our plan was to stop at the home of my friend, Fr Dennis. There we would share breakfast and celebrate an intimate and causal mass. Driving south the sun shining out of the eastern sky was bright and piercing. It was glorious in its early morning radiance. Traffic was light and the days heat had not yet taken over. I always enjoy these usually solitary drives to the monastery. This time my son shared my solitude. He was engrossed in a book so conversation was light and each of us was lost in is own thoughts. The time with Fr Dennis was relaxing. The three of us had mass in his small chapel. I believe it was the first time my son had been part of such a simple mass. Later in the morning we headed to the monastery where we were planning to join a group of friends and monks for an annual summer picnic. It was with some dread that I anticipated being outdoors. The temperature was supposed to be 95 degrees. I silently prayed that we wouldn't go up in the woods near Dom Frederic's lake. Although a beautiful spot in cooler weather, I find the woods a dreadful place in the summer. Hot temperatures, high humidity, and the usual tick infestation made the woods less than appealing. Fortunately, when I met up with everyone I learned we would gather at Thomas Merton's Hermitage. It was still in the woods but located in a clearing and the house would provide some respite from the heat. Several of the monks, and a large group of people I did not know until yesterday, also joined us. This hermitage was a place where Thomas Merton lived seeking solitude. There was no solitude yesterday but the gathering was enjoyable and the food was great. Yes, even simple monks enjoy a good meal! At one point we moved outside on the porch to hear Br Paul read some of his latest poetry and for all of us to dodge the kamikaze wasps that seemed to endlessly attack us. Fr Michael also shared some thoughts with us. I love these trips to the monastery and my memories of living there as a young man and also the blessed times I had alone staying in Merton's hermitage. I was happy to introduce my son to this part of my life. It keeps me spiritually grounded to maintain friendships with the monks and others who come to the monastery. I enjoy its simplicity while I am there but I admit that I truly enjoyed the air conditioning in my car on the way home. It was still mid afternoon when I arrived back home and soon I fell into a deep sleep. It was all good. This week an advisor to the Dalai Lama will be visiting the monastery. Wish I could be there!

My Granddaughter's Birthday

Today is Chloe's birthday. She is three years old! Below is what I wrote on the day she was born. It was her birth that got me started on sharing personal thoughts, experiences, and meditations. If you have enjoyed my daily thoughts for any part of the last three years, you can thank her. Her birth and life have been a major inspiration to me. It's almost like I can't remember the fifty three years of my life that existed before her arrival. She has rejuvenated me and given me a new and fresh view of life. I believe she arrived just when God thought I needed her. Before she was born I was tired and sometimes weary of my life. The daily grind was wearing me down because sometimes in life you feel like you are just going through the motions. Through her I have been renewed and life now often seems new and fresh. Interacting with her has caused me to look at life through the eyes of a child instead of the tired eyes of an adult. If you can't tell by now, I am not only wild about Chloe, I am grateful for her existence. I hope that we always have the loving and close relationship that we now have. I am confident that we will and I look forward to watching her grow up. Often in life I tend to follow the philosophy of "Why stand up when I can sit down"? May Chloe continue to challenge me and say, "Pa Paw! Get up! Play with me!"

We received a telephone call from my son last night informing my wife and me that our daughter in law was starting her labor. We received additional calls as things progressed. At some point my wife advised them to go to the hospital. This morning we headed to the hospital to join them and wait for the birth of my first grandchild. All went well and now I am the proud grandfather of a beautiful baby girl named Chloe Nicole Brown. I am so proud and happy. She weighed approximately 6 ½ pounds. She has all her fingers and toes and by all accounts is healthy. I was able to hold her shortly after her birth. She seemed so small and fragile. It has been a long time since I held a newborn child. I am thrilled to be a grandfather but am also in some disbelief that I have reached this stage of life.

A Holiday In Mid Week

Most of last night I thought it was Sunday. I was all prepared to gather the trash and put it on the curb. Happily, today is really Thursday. Tuesday was a weird day at work. There must have been a full moon or everyone was just really in need of a day off. It was a blessed relief to leave work and go to the day-care to pick up Chloe. Nothing brightens my day like time with her. It is wonderful for me to be a child with her and to share her vision of life and her sense of wonder. It is a wonderful thing to be a grandfather.

Yesterday was a quiet day for me. It was full of simple pleasures. The alarm clock was turned off and I slept later. When I awoke and went downstairs, I had my morning coffee with a muffin and the daily news. The neighborhood was quiet and I was at peace. Later in the afternoon my wife and I went to a movie at one of the local cineplexes. My son, the future priest, had to work. Someday he make be ministering to the faithful. Today he is still a Customer Service Representative at the Papa John's Corporate Office dealing with people who are angry because their pizza didn't have enough pepperoni on it. After the movie I had one of those wonderful naps when you seem to have slept for hours. My day ended watching the Boston Pops Orchestra and John Mellencamp playing and singing patriotic songs before a massive fireworks show. The kid next door was quieter than usual. Most years he has an arsenal of fireworks and explosives equal to our local Thunder over Louisville and the Boston Pops concert together. He usually saves the best till my bedtime. He's older now and a little quieter. I think his attention is more focused on girls now than firecrackers. By the end of the night nature was producing its own fireworks. As I lay in bed, trying to fall asleep, lightening and thunder filled the sky. I think I drifted off when the rain finally arrived. I hope everyone who had the good fortune of a day of rest and relaxation yesterday enjoyed it. At this time of my life, I live for such days. Its not that work is so bad. Its just that being at home and doing what I want when I want is better. When my father in law was still alive and I was a much younger man, I was complaining to him about work. He responded, "Wait till you have been doing it forty years"! As someone in their early twenties I couldn't understand what he meant. Now I do because I have been working for forty years. I got my first job at age 16 as a bag boy in a mom and pop grocery store. After forty years of school and work, one starts to yearn for the finish line. Of course, I know myself well enough to know that even when I no longer have to work, I will still need to do something. That something, however, will be something I love and it won't even matter if I get paid or not. Doing what I love, for free, is freedom.

4th Of July...Now And Then

Tomorrow is the 4th of July. On this day Americans celebrate their independence. This year it will be 231 years since we won our independence from the British in 1776. Today they are our best friends. Unlike many people in the world all I have ever known is freedom. I try not to take it for granted. Every night when I watch the daily news and I see all the war and famine and tyranny in the world, I am grateful for my freedom. I am grateful for the freedom to live where I want, work where I want, worship where I want, associate with whom I want, and think as I please. Freedom, however, is not free. Many have paid the price for the freedom we enjoy. It is easy to understand why so many people want to be part of our country. Although it is still more difficult for some than others, I believe anyone can be whatever they want in this country. It pleases me to see people of every race and gender, ethic background and religion able to succeed and pursue happiness. Life is still not always fair but the freedom we enjoy is the best game in town. Think about this tomorrow as your grill you hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs and chicken, and drink your ice cold beer with your family and friends.

It is difficult for me to think of the 4th of July without remembering the largest concert event of my life. On a 4th of July weekend in 1970, my friends and I piled into my non air-conditioned 1962 Volkswagen Beetle and headed for a city called Bryon, Georgia, deep in the South, during an extreme heat wave. Approximately 500,000 other young people from all over the place did the same thing. We were free if only for a weekend. For a few days we escaped the tyranny of parents, schools, employers, and the draft. We were surrounded by our peers, people who probably had more hair than sense but for a few days, anything went, and the best music of the day played endlessly. I think gasoline was approximately twenty cents a gallon. I could fill my car up for about $2.50 a gallon and got thirty or forty miles a gallon. Good tickets for the Police concert that will be in Louisville in a couple of weeks are approximately $200. This festival with some of the biggest acts of the day like Jimi Hendrix, The Allman Brothers Band, Procol Harum, and others cost $18 for all three days! In those days $200 would have taken my friends and me across the country. At this time of my life I had no idea what was ahead of me and what the coming years would bring. Today I have a lot less hair, a little more sense, but still a deep love of music and life and joy. At age 56 I now have certain minimal comfort expectations and requirements. There's no more sleeping in a field or the back seat of a Volkswagen. Today I would require a fully equipped Winnebago. Since that time, life and freedom have been good to me. Some of the people who were with me on that hot July weekend are still part of my life and I am grateful for their friendship. We thought we were born to be wild. Now we just hope to keep our cholesterol in check. Dude, don't bogart the Lipitor!

The Secret

A couple of months ago a co-worker gave me a DVD of "The Secret". I took it home and stuck it on my bookshelf and then it became a secret where I put it. Over the weekend I discovered it so I spent part of Sunday afternoon watching it. Apparently the DVD and book of the same name are quite popular although I was basically unsure of it's content. I did have a bit of a clue because another friend sent me an email that said I knew the "Secret" without realizing it because many of my daily thoughts had elements of the "Secret" in them. What is "The Secret"? Basically the secret has to do with the belief that all of creation and being are subject to the laws of attraction. In other words, we attract what we think about. If you are always worrying about debt or sickness, you will always be in debt and feeling sick. If you think about prosperity and well being, you will be prosperous and healthy. I don't think it is quite that simple but I do believe in the basic concept. I believe in positive thinking, good vibes, karma, and faith. I don't believe that simply thinking about a BMW will put one in your garage. I do believe that much of what we believe does become our reality. Although I have had negative and cynical thoughts in my life, in general my life has always turned out good and somehow all my needs are met. I am generally a positive and optimistic person who strives to live a life of faith and who tries to always put out good vibes. Although everything doesn't go my way, most things do to my satisfaction. I would agree with the basic message that is the "Secret" but it is not magic. I do believe in and encourage positive thinking. I believe you get what you put out there. If you are a negative, pessimistic, nasty person, don't expect a lot of great things or wonderful relationships to come your way. Practice the religion of kindness and kindness will come your way. Do good and good will be done to you. Love and you will be loved. Have faith and you will move mountains. What we think often does become our reality but just as important is how we live and what we do. Although I believe all these things, I do acknowledge that sometimes bad things happen to good people. I could give you a theological explanation of why there is evil in the world. Whatever the explanation, you cannot deny there is evil and bad things do happen in the world. Evil has always been with us but I believe goodness will always win in the end. Would there be evil if every person was kind to his neighbor?

I haven't been able to get the young man out of my mind that killed himself last week outside my office window. His obituary was in Saturday's newspaper. Not only did he share my faith, he was a Magnum Cum Laude graduate of the University of Louisville Speed Scientific School in electrical engineering. He had attended medical school for two years and was doing research at the Cardiovascular Research Institute. His parents were both doctors. What a loss for them and for society. I can't help but wonder what was so lacking in his life that he felt it had no value? Very sad, indeed!