More Thoughts On Manure

I have ten nieces. When they were teenage girls I called them the “Princesses of Sadness”. I gave them this title because they always seemed sad and there was usually some kind of drama going on in their lives. These young ladies are now out of college and living in the real world. Most of them are my Facebook “friends”. A few nights ago one of them posted the following message. It said, “I wish life would give me a break. I’ve had two bad days in a row”. I probably didn’t help matters because I posted the following response. I said, “Well, you know, the first 60-70 years of life are the most difficult”. Apparently, there was no appreciation of my sense of humor because I got no response. Young people often seem shocked that life is hard. Even if your life is going fairly well and you are enjoying some measure of success, there will always be bumps in the road, detours, and the experience of having “two bad days in a row”. Life is not an easy road. If life gives you a break, savor it. The “break” is the exception. The challenge is the rule. My intent is not to depress any of you. Those of you who are older know that I am correct. Those of you who are younger are hoping I am wrong. Let me end on a more positive note. Although life is hard and full of challenges, that doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful thing. Once I was on a Zen mindfulness retreat. It was held on a beautiful spring day at a nearby farm. Part of the day was spent doing mindfulness walks. The Zen Master would lead us on a walk through the fields. When he rang a bell we would start walking and when he rang the bell again we would stop. On one of the walks he rang the bell signaling a stop. I looked around me. The sky was a deep blue. A cool spring breeze was blowing. The fields were lovely. Then I looked down and realized I was standing in cow manure. Later, when the Zen Master asked me to reflect on my walking experience, I responded that “Life can be beautiful even when you’re standing in cow manure”. The next time you feel like you are standing in manure, look around you. Life may be more beautiful than you think.

Pay Attention!

Recently on the evening news I saw a film of a man so busy texting that he walked off a train platform and fell several feet onto the train tracks. Fortunately for the man no train was approaching. I am all for being in the moment and I encourage the practice of mindfulness but let’s get real people. When you are so busy texting someone that you walk off a train platform and you fall on the tracks, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate how you spend your time and the importance of whatever message you were sending. As a result of this event, some lawmaker is proposing that a new law be created where people could be ticketed for “reckless walking”. I see such reckless walking in my office every day. I’ve had people who are talking on their cell phone or texting run into me. When I take my daily walks I often have to swerve around such “reckless walkers”. As long as I am complaining about this type of behavior, let me add the people who are obsessed with their blue tooth devices. I can’t even tell you how many people I have responded to in our elevators because I thought they were talking to me. It turned out they were totally oblivious to my presence or they simply didn’t care that I was there. I see these people at the Mall all the time. Walking through the Mall, babbling away about God knows what, makes them look like prime candidates for a mental institution. We are so obsessed with communication, with being in 24 hour contact with everyone we know, and with being “connected”. All this “talking” and I bet little of consequence is actually being said. I, too, have a smartphone and I do value it’s convenience. It’s nice to be able to contact those I care about when I need to do so and I, too, occasionally “check-in” on Facebook. However, I am not going to walk off a train platform while I am texting my wife to see what she wants to do for dinner. I admit that I often walk around listening to music through my headphones. However, when I do this I know where I am and what is going on around me. OK, there was that one time I was jamming away to whatever I was playing on my iPod and my desk telephone was ringing off the hook and co-workers in the next aisle were yelling my name and I didn’t hear them either. I guess I was guilty of “reckless sitting”.

The Sounds Of Silence

Since my wife and I spent most of our morning commute talking about our children, I didn’t have time to consider what I would write about this morning. I asked a co-worker for an idea and he suggested writing something about my love of music. Music has been one of the great joys of my life since I was a young boy with my transistor radio. I have lived through 45’s, albums, 8 track’s, cassettes, CD’s, downloads, and iPods. I mainly love rock and roll, blues, and jazz but I also like classical. I live and breathe music. Along with my own enjoyment of whatever I am listening to, I also love to share music with friends and to discuss its history. Many people’s music collections have been greatly enriched by me. I was recently telling someone how I love my iPod because it allows me to take music anywhere I go. This is mostly a good thing, and I love it, but it also has a downside. Being able to take music anywhere can prevent me from enjoying silence. One of the monks at the monastery once said, “Even Beethoven played all day is noise”. Sometimes we have to turn off the electric guitars, wailing saxophones, and pounding drums in order to hear the music of nature. The wind plays music. Running water can be a symphony. A flock of birds can make joyful sounds. Silence can be an overture. Even the rock musician Sting once said, “Silence is the perfect note”. Listen to the beat of your own inner drummer, play the music that gives you joy and lifts your spirit, but also listen to the sounds of silence.

Falling Upward

I have begun reading a new book called Falling Upward…A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life by Richard Rohr. It’s an intriguing book regardless of which half of life you are in. I believe some of my angst is due to my desire to age well and my concern with how well I am doing that. I have often said that the first half of life is about building and gathering and the second half of life is about letting go. This “letting go” is not the same as giving up. Richard contends that the second half of life also has purpose. In the second half of life we discover who we really are. The Buddhists call this “discovering the face you had before you were born”. If the first half of life could be compared to weaving and living inside a cocoon, the second half of life is when we morph into a butterfly. In many ways the end of life is the beginning of life. Our entire life is a journey. Within the journey, however, is another journey. The outer journey may take us many places. The inner journey will take us even further. When we are young we build careers, make families, and collect our possessions. When we are older, we may lose a job or begin retirement. Our children grow up and a spouse may die. Our things become too much work so we start to give them away. These changes in our lives prompt us to do new things. Hopefully, these new things open our eyes to new possibilities. We discover that the scripts of our early lives no longer work so we write new ones. These new scripts can be very enlightening. The person we thought we were, good or bad, falls away and the true self begins to emerge. We leave the cocoon of our early lives and, perhaps, for the first time we fly.

Friendship

I took this past Friday off to spend the day with my friend, Fr. Dennis. It wasn’t a great day in terms of the weather. It rained most of the day and driving in the rain stresses me out. I was once in a very bad car accident on a rainy day and I still think about it, especially when I’m driving in the rain. Although the weather was not cooperative, I still had a very nice day. Dennis may be the only person in my life that I can talk to about anything. Although he is a priest, I don’t think about that much. In fact, I sometimes forget he’s a priest. When we talk it is not a penitent to a confessor, it is a friend to a friend. It has been my experience that those closest to us are not always the people we can really talk to in a frank and open way. Many times those closest to us don’t really “get us” or understand us. Hopefully, however, all of us have someone we can be completely relaxed and open with about whatever is on our minds. There is not a person among us who doesn’t have things on their mind or in their heart that need to be released and brought to the surface.  When we carry everything around within ourselves, it can be very unhealthy. We all need a safe place where we have no fear of being judged or ridiculed. Most people are fortunate if they have two or three real friends in life. These are people who will be there for you in any circumstance. These are people who truly accept you for who you are, who do not judge you, and their friendship is a precious thing. Social media sites like Facebook have completely devalued the idea of friendship because there is no way anyone can have 1,264 friends. Most people can count their true friends on one hand.

Quiet Desperation

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.
-Henry David Thoreau from Walden

I have just returned from my afternoon walk as I begin writing these thoughts. I had to force myself to walk because I was tired and not really in the mood. While walking I thought about how so much of my life is a matter of force. I have to force myself to do things I don’t want to do. I also have to force myself not to do things I want to do. The more I thought about this the more depressed I got. It often occurs to me that almost everything I do is geared towards filling up an emptiness within me. The books I read, the music I listen to, the spiritual quests I am on, the deep thoughts, the endless reflection and introspection, the variety of friendships I have, are all an attempt to give myself a satisfying, meaningful, and fulfilling life. Although I am speaking about myself, I think many others can identify with how I feel. Most of us do work we do not love because of the need for money. We may be in relationships that drain us and tax our patience. Maybe we feel trapped in our lives. We travel down a road that seems to have no exits and no obvious destination. Our days can feel like an eternity even though they seem to add up quickly. These days turn into weeks, the weeks turn into months, and the months turn into years. The search for meaning often seems never ending. One hopes, however, that the search turns into a discovery. More often than not the discovery is elusive. Maybe I am just tired and feeling some existential angst. Maybe Thoreau is right. Maybe my search for meaning should take a break. Perhaps I should focus my search on finding a couch where I can take a long nap. Today is my last work day this week. Tomorrow I will spend the day with my good friend, Fr. Dennis. He is like a big brother to me. Usually a day with him is refreshing. He makes me laugh and we always have a good time. Maybe we will find the meaning of life together at the local Dairy Queen in the guise of a banana split.

Happy Birthday, Jerry!

Jerry Garcia was a member of the Grateful Dead, one of my favorite bands.  Sadly, he passed away in 1995.  If he were alive, today would be his 70^th birthday.  I used to go to as many Grateful Dead concerts as I could.  Someone once said, “There’s nothing like a Grateful Dead concert”!  I would tend to agree and I’ve been to many, many rock and roll concerts.  Grateful Dead concerts were a combination of a rock and roll concert, a Renaissance Fair, and going to church.  The people who attended these concerts were a very colorful group of people.  The parking lot contained the world’s largest collection of vintage VW vans ever collected in one place.  Although some people would have thought the whole scene was rather bizarre, those in attendance found it to be a joyful experience.  I loved Grateful Dead concerts and I still miss them.  Fast forwarding to this morning, I read some thoughts on joy and happiness.  How many of us live joyful and happy lives?  How many of us even have joyful and happy moments?  Life is difficult and often challenging.  There are certainly days that most of us are just trying to get through the day.  Why can’t we be more joyful and happy?  What is standing in our way?  I think a big obstacle is our own fatigue.  There is much press about how sleep deprived most people are in today’s world.  I believe our fatigue, however, goes beyond just a physical tiredness.  I think it’s more of a psychic fatigue that is a combination of a physical, spiritual, and emotional exhaustion.  Most of us are just worn out from the demands of modern life.  I don’t know the answer for this.  I suffer from it as much as anyone.  For now, I think I will just listen to some vintage Grateful Dead on my iPod and tap into some of that joy and happiness I used to experience at their concerts.  Happy Birthday, Jerry!