Slip Slidin' Away...

 

Earlier this week I saw Paul Simon on a late-night television show and much to my surprise he performed one of his older songs.  I was expecting something new.  If memory serves me well, he sang "Slip Slidin' Away".  Looking back, it seems appropriate because it perfectly describes how this week has felt so far.  Last week when I decided to start writing again, I was hoping to write something every day.  If you are paying attention, you can see that I haven't written anything since last Sunday.  Today is Thursday.  

On Mother's Day my family gathered at my son's home for a very nice dinner.  On a side note, regarding food in general, I am a little upset with myself.  I have diabetes but generally I keep it under control.  After a couple of visits to my doctor it's apparent that I've fallen off the wagon.  I have gained some weight and my A1C is higher than normal.  I need to be more vigilant about what I eat.  Goodbye ice cream and chocolate chip cookies!

On Monday I discovered a leaky pipe in my bathroom.  This required a plumber installing a new pipe under my sink.  Getting this repair scheduled and completed took most of Tuesday.

Wednesday was grocery shopping day.  A few other errands were also included.  I strived to buy healthier food and snacks.  Grocery shopping is exhausting for me, and I am usually shot for the rest of the day whenever I do it.

I was looking forward to going to the cinema today with my wife and son to see the new Planet of the Apes movie.  My son has been busy, so we've rescheduled this event several times.  It looks like we will be rescheduling again because now my wife is sick, and I will be taking her to the doctor this afternoon.  We've all been looking forward to this movie for quite a while.  I have been a fan of the franchise since the 60's when my stoner friends and I saw the first movie with Charlton Heston as "Taylor".  Those were the good old days.

It is challenging to live a quiet and peaceful life.  All plans are subject to change without notice.  Even my mood and abilities have been tested lately as I deal with some foot issues that can be painful.  I thought I might have gout, but bloodwork indicates that I do not.  This might sound strange but I am almost disappointed.  At least gout would have explained some of my symptoms.  If I do not have gout, what do I have?  Arthritis?  Who knows?  One tends to acquire multiples aches and pains at my age, so the journey continues.    

It's time to breathe, ring my bell, and regain my inner peace.  All daily challenges are part of life.  There is never a time when life remains peaceful and calm all the time.  Change is always happening.  It can be annoying or challenging but you have to roll with it.

I need to be mindful of the moment which is currently peaceful.  

OM!!!!!!!!!!!!   

             

The Long And Winding Road

 

Last night I watched Peter Jackson's restored and cleaned up version of the Beatles original 1970 film "Let It Be".  When the film was released, I didn't care much for it and didn't think it was the Beatles best work.  The music from the film has grown on me over the years.  As I write these thoughts songs from "Let It Be" and "Abbey Road" play in the background.

It's been a long and winding road for the Beatles and me.

In 1964 I was a 12 year old boy glued to my parent's black and white television when the Beatles first appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show.  I was immediately a fan and I have remained one my entire life.  Despite my lengthy concert resume I never got to see the Beatles live.  In the early 2000's I did finally see Paul McCartney and his performance brought tears to my eyes.  

The Beatles were definitely the soundtrack of my teenage years and to be honest they have remained part of the soundtrack of my life even in my old age.  I never tire of them.  When John Lennon was killed, I cried.  I still miss George Harrison too.  As long as I am alive the Beatles will continue to live as well.

It's a beautiful day today.  It is Mother's Day in America.  My own mother passed away the week I retired.  She has been gone six years now.  I was her first child.  Five more siblings came after me.  My mother was a decent person, but we weren't very close.  Our relationship wasn't antagonistic or estranged but I just never really connected with her or my father either for that matter.  I never really knew what either one of them really thought of me or how I turned out.  In spite of this I tried to be a good son and I always showed them respect and honor.  In my old age, with my own awareness of my personal issues, I understand my parents had their own issues and trauma.  I assume they did they best they could just as I have tried to do with my own children.       

Later today I will gather with my own family for a meal and Mother's Day celebration.  We will also acknowledge my oldest son's 46th birthday.  My youngest son is 42.  It's sometimes difficult to accept that my children are now middle-aged adults.  Even my granddaughter is growing up at an alarming pace.  She will be 20 years old in a few months.  

Wherever you are in the world I hope you have a good day.  I hesitate to say "great" or "wonderful" because for millions of people even a "good" day seems like an impossible goal.  Sometimes it's enough to have a day that doesn't suck.  I am happy to just have days when nothing bad or annoying happens.

I want everyone to be reasonably happy, fed, safe, and content.        

My Second Cup Of Coffee

 

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I felt the time was here for me to start writing again.  The response was positive and overwhelming.  I knew many people liked what I wrote in the past but it seems I didn't realize how much.  One friend suggested I discipline myself to write first thing in the morning while I am fresh and before the day demands my attention in other ways.  For example my wife has already told me I need to go outside and spray some weeds with weed killer.  I promised her I would do it just so she will quit bringing it up.  I hate yard work and always have.  Why?  I think it's because my father was an avid gardener and he loved it.  Unfortunately I was often forced to pull weeds, cut grass and perform other kinds of manual labor when I really wanted to ride my bike all over God's creation.    

It's Saturday morning and I am on my second cup of coffee.  I had a rough night so I am moving a little slow this morning.  It's cloudy, cool, and overcast at the moment.  The good news is that it should be sunny and warmer later in the day.  In the background music from the folk singer Donovan fills the room.  Donovan turned 78 years old yesterday.  My generation is now in their 70's and 80's.  I began listening to Donovan as a teenager.  I still love his songs and it makes me happy to listen to them.  

Another one of my friends suggested that I avoid complaining about growing old.  Growing older is a reality for all of us and we just have to deal with it.  The good news is that inside my 73 year old body a young boy still resides.  He moves a little slower and more carefully but he still dreams.  It is my goal to write without complaining.  I hope to focus on the positive, the humorous, and occasionally the absurd.  I am not a novelist.  My writing is mostly stream of consciousness.  Often when I sit down to write I have no idea what I am going to say.  At this moment I feel a little rusty and apprehensive.  I am also feeling a little bit of pressure.  Yesterday's overwhelmingly positive feedback and hopeful expectations make me wonder "What the hell was I thinking"?

I need another cup of coffee before I go outside and kill the weeds.  The chore is not really difficult.  I have spent more time bitching about it than it will take me to actually do it.  The young boy in me stills hates to be told what to do.  However, I dislike conflict so I will go outside and destroy every living plant that is growing where it shouldn't.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are mothers.  

Dipping My Toe Back Into The Water

 Greetings to anyone who is reading this blog for the first time as well as anyone who may have followed me in the past.  It's been a while since I have written on a regular basis and to be honest I miss doing it.  I began writing during my working days.  Most of what I wrote was intended for co-workers and friends using an ever growing email distribution list.  I originally created this blog in 2006.  Everything I have written from then till now is still available for anyone who wants to read reflections I wrote in the past.

Why do I want to start writing again?

I worked almost every day for approximately 50 years.  32 of those years were for the same company.  Most of these years were with the same people.  Many of us began working together when we were young and many of us stayed until we were old.  I finally retired in 2018.       

Retirement has been a mixed bag for me.  I believe retirement is overrated.  As I like to say, being retired is not the same thing as being on vacation.  Vacation is concentrated time when you have prepared to be carefree and adventurous.  It is also of a usually short duration.  Retirement for most people is normal daily life with many new and old challenges usually faced with a lot less money.  In the time I have been retired I feel as though I have aged significantly.  I also feel as though my life and my world became much smaller and less fulfilling.  I think like many people I didn't realize how important the work environment was to me.  Let me clarify that I do not miss the "work".  What I miss are the people and the social interactions I had with people.  I also miss the sense of purpose I felt and the many affirmations I received.  

In the time I have been retired I feel as though I've been withering on the vine.  I have felt lost with no sense of direction.  However, it hasn't been all bad.  I enjoy sleeping till 8:00 AM every day.  I love my leisurely mornings, afternoon naps, and occasional lunches with friends.  I love the freedom to do or not to do in most cases.  All of this is great for a day or a week or even a month but for years?  Let me also correct a misconception that many young people have about retirement.  Retirement doesn't make you wealthy.  Most people don't have the resources to travel the world extensively.  Life doesn't get cheaper for older people.  If you haven't spent your working years saving money for retirement you may not even be able to retire.           

 I want to write more but not to simply complain about life.  Life is always hard.  I can't really remember a time when life was easy.

My goal is to write regularly.  The contents will hopefully be positive observations and reflections about the more meaningful experiences of my life and life in general.

Wish me luck!  If you have been a fan of mine over the years, I sincerely appreciate your support.

Am I A Buddhist?

A few days ago a woman living in Australia wrote to me and asked if I was a Buddhist.  I have been thinking about her question.  Am I a Buddhist?  What is a Buddhist?  Is there a formal process for becoming a Buddhist or does an individual simply take up the practice by incorporating Buddhist thought and practice into their lives?  I have not gone through any formal process for being a Buddhist.  I have simply tried to live like one.

Oddly enough I first learned about Buddhism, Zen, and the Dalai Lama while living in a Catholic monastery.  Although we were not there at the same time, it was the same monastery where Thomas Merton lived for 27 years.  I have been blessed to see and hear the Dalai Lama twice in person.

Over the course of my life I have become more and more attracted to the Buddhist way of living.  I find the various teachings and philosophy very comfortable.

How do I live as a Buddhist?

Although I am not always successful I strive to always practice kindness.  The Dalai Lama himself once said "My religion is kindness".  I also strive to practice mindfulness.  What does that mean?  For me it means striving to be where I am and to do what I am doing.  As Ram Dass says, "Be here now".  In other words, be where you are and do what you are doing.  I have a personality that is often lost in day dreams.  I am a thinker who probably spends too much time in introspection and reflecting.  There's nothing wrong with either of these things but you shouldn't do them every minute of the day.  Even now as I write these thoughts I am struggling to stay focused on what I am doing.  To make it even more challenging I believe I have a touch of ADD.  Staying present and focused is challenging for me.  The writings and teachings of the Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh have been very helpful to me.  Along with striving to be kind and present, with mind and body in the same place at the same time, I strive to always be grateful.  Although I sometimes struggle with depression, I know I am very blessed and privileged to have the life I have.  

Whenever I can I also try to study "The Four Noble Truths" and the Buddha's "Eightfold Path".

I would like to quote from a small book called The Buddha Way.  

"To study the Buddha way is to study the self.  To forget the self is to be enlightened by all things.  To be enlightened by all things is to be freed from one's body and mind and those of others.  No trace of enlightenment remains and this traceless enlightenment is continued forever".

The Four Noble Truths are as follows....

1. The Truth of Suffering
2. The Truth of the Origen of Suffering
3. The Truth of Cessation
4. The Truth of the Path

Our suffering is basically caused by our longing and desire for things to be other than they are.  Most of us are not content and we want what we do not have and we want to be somewhere other than where we are.  We suffer because we are constantly longing for something we do not have and may never have.

Just my personal opinion but I believe that being spiritually enlightened is not the same time as being politically "woke".  

Finally, let me just share the Buddha's "Eightfold Path".

1. Right Understanding
2. Right Thought
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

In a nutshell I think the "Eightfold Path" is telling us to understand reality as it is and to not believe everything we think.  Speak only good words and only do what your heart tells you is right.  Let your work be for a good cause.  Do no evil and cause no harm.  Give everything the effort it deserves and whatever it is you are doing, be there while you are doing it.  Let your mind and body be together in the same place at the same time.

Whatever your religion is, I think you can follow these teachings.  A Christian, Jew, or Muslim can live like this and still be faithful to their faith tradition.   

This is how I strive to live.  Am I a Buddhist?  I hope so..... 

Enjoying A Rainy Day

It's been raining all day.  I love to be home on rainy days.  Bob Dylan music plays in the background.  I am still celebrating Dylan's 80th birthday.  Earlier I did leave my house long enough to go to the bank and get a haircut.  The rain has cooled things down enough that I have opened a window.  The rain is slow and steady at the moment but occasionally we get a burst of intense rain.  

As I look at today's date I realize that I haven't written anything in almost two weeks.  I had hoped to write every day or at least a few times a week.  My excuse is an emptiness of things to write about.  Life for me is mostly quiet, solitary, and even a little boring.  What can I say about this that anyone would want to read?  In my opinion, nothing.

One recent highlight for me was a video chat with a friend living in Brussels, Belgium.  Many years ago when I first started this blog I wrote that "my words were like seeds thrown into the wind".  You never knew where they landed.  A stranger wrote to me that some of my "seeds" had landed in Cambridge, England.  We are now friends.  It was great to finally have a live, face to face conversation via our computers.  We talked for over an hour.  

As of yesterday my youngest son has been a priest for eight years.  His older brother recently turned 43 years old and yesterday he moved into a new home.  It is weird for me to acknowledge that I am now 70 years old.  It is even weirder to realize that my children are middle aged.  What happened to my little boys?    

It is not quite summer in my part of the world but we have already had daily temperatures in the low 90's.  When the heat and humidity become oppressive I remember that summer is my least favorite time of the year.  Doing anything on hot days is challenging for me.  Intense heat creates another kind of isolation for me.  If I am going to be homebound and isolated I would prefer to do it on a cold, wintry, snowy day.

I own enough music for ten lifetimes.  Since I spend most of my time at home I am trying to systemically listen to as much music as I can.  It makes me happy and I love doing it.  This week I have been focusing on Bob Dylan, Traffic, Steve Hillage of Gong, and the Steve Miller Band.  I am also distracted most days with music I see posted on Facebook or Twitter.  Today I am reminded of "Absolutely Free" which was my introduction to the music and genius of Frank Zappa.  Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young are also in play since it's the 50th anniversary of their masterpiece "Deju Vu".  The Grateful Dead, of course, are always in play.  I cannot imagine my life without music.  It is the air I breathe.

As far as the pandemic is concerned I am fully vaccinated.  Life is slowly loosening up and people are emerging from their bunkers to eat in restaurants and drink in bars.  Movie theaters are barely functioning and live music still struggles.

My goal is to return to a routine of walking.  I have gotten lazy about leaving the house.  It may be all in my mind but it does seem that since I received my Covid-19 vaccinations I have felt lethargic.  Please don't ask me for any energy because I have none to spare.

I hope whoever reads this is safe, happy, and well.    

A Day In My Life

It's a beautiful day in my part of the world.  Spring in Kentucky is a battle between a winter that doesn't want to leave and a spring that is ready to take root.  A few weeks ago we received two inches of snow.  Nights and early morning are still cool but today is gloriously sunny and warm.  I feel a little guilty because I am home and not walking in the park.  I've been having such an enjoyable morning at home that I haven't been able to make myself venture into the world.  My neighborhood is generally quiet and my inner hermit seeks to avoid contact with the busyness and stress of mingling with other people.  Camaldolese hermits each have a small house and garden where they spend their personal time when not gathered with other hermits for prayer.  Unlike the hermits I share a house with a wife.  However, I am fortunate to have a wife who is also an introvert like me.  Most of the day we are each in our own world.  We occasionally meet in the kitchen.  When the day ends we will spend more time together as we watch a movie or some other entertainment.  Getting back to the hermits, I have a small back yard that is surrounded by a six foot tall privacy fence.  Over time I have strived to simplify the yard and move out anything unnecessary in order to give it a Zen garden feel.  On days such as today I often walk in my backyard basking in the warmth of the sun.  In other words, it is very easy for me to stay at home and as much as I love the park I sometimes struggle to make myself leave my home in order to go there. 

Yesterday I did venture from my solitude.  I got up early, had a quick cup of coffee at home, and then met a friend for breakfast.  I don't see this friend as often as I would like.  She is a "snowbird" which means she spends the winter months in Florida in true retirement bliss.  When it gets too hot in Florida she comes back to Kentucky for the summer months.  I met my friend many years ago when we both began our careers.  She was the friend of another co-worker who happened to be in the same new employee training class as me.  We all meet and interact with many people over the course of our life's journey.  Certainly for me, and I hope for everyone, there are certain people with whom we feel a deep and sometimes unexplainable connection.  For whatever reason you just click with some people in a way that you don't with others.

I did have a really nice surprise at the restaurant where I met my friend.  I bumped into the priest that performed my marriage ceremony.  After I left the monastery many years ago I was offered a place to live until I figured out what I was going to do with my life.  I lived with three priests and I worked at a parish.  Ironically, not only did one of these priests perform my wedding, he ended up being a mentor for my son who is also a priest.  When we met he was 35 years old and I was a somewhat lost 22 year old.  He is now 83 years old and I am a youthful 70 year old.

Usually after spending time with anyone, no matter how much I like them, I am ready for a little alone time to recharge my battery.  Yesterday this time was delayed.  As I was driving home from breakfast my telephone rang and it was my oldest son.  He asked me if I could pick up my granddaughter and her friend and take them to his house.  I can never say no.  I picked them up at school and they immediately asked if we could go to McDonald's.  Of course I said yes.  As soon as we got to McDonald's Chloe's friend began screaming.  Apparently there was a spider in the back seat of my car and she has arachnophobia.  We survived the incident and I finally got them home.  Why are seventeen year old girls so loud?  I was in the driver's seat feeling like a chaffeur as they carried on with all their teenage "Princesses Of Sadness" woes.  Needless to say, I was happy to drive home alone and, yes, I did take a nap when I finally got there!