Friday, July 28, 2017

Our Lives Form Who We Are


In the end, just three things matter; how well we have lived, how well we have loved, and how well we have learned to let go.
-Jack Kornfield
 
At some point we were born into this life.  My being came into this existence in 1951.  That was a long time ago and I can assure you it was a very different time than we live in now.  My childhood was relatively calm and life seemed good.  It was a simple time for me.  This was not true for everyone but it was for me.  For me, and many of my generation, life changed dramatically when President Kennedy was assassinated in 1963 at the young age of 46.  It seemed like the beginning of the turbulent sixties when our culture went through significant changes.  This was the time of the civil rights movement, the women’s movement, the counter culture movement, the Vietnam war, and the Catholic Church’s Vatican II Council which changed traditions that had been in place for generations.  My generation came of age with all of this as a backdrop.  It was a turbulent and exciting time to grow up.  In the 70’s I got married, in the 80’s and 90’s I raised children, and in 2001, the year of the World Trade Center attack, I turned 50 years old.  As much as I strive to be in the current moment, I sometimes look back at the events and experiences of my life and I wonder how they have formed me and what kind of person I am as a result of these experiences.  How well did I live?  How much have I loved?  What have I let go?  Overall, I think I have done well.  I have had a better than average share of life blessings coupled with a fair share of life’s troubles.  I have survived every challenge so far and I think I am a better and stronger person because of it.  Not everything has gone the way I wanted it to but I have no bitterness.  I have let go of resentments and times when life beat me up.  I once read that our memories are the pillow on which we will sit in our old age.  My pillow is quite comfortable as most of my memories bring a smile to my face or laughter to my heart.  What about you?      
 

Thursday, July 27, 2017

A Small Concession To Age

I have made a small concession to my age.  A couple of months ago I had an episode with my blood pressure.  It spiked with no warning and since it had never occurred before I wasn’t sure what was happening to me.  When I went to the clinic one of the first questions the nurse asked me was “Do you take blood pressure medicine and if so did you take it today”?  I responded that I did take a daily pill but I could not remember if I had taken it that day.  Let me confess now that I do occasionally have some short term memory issues.  They may be related to my age or possibly to things I did in my youth.  Anyway, my small concession to age is that I am now using a pill container that allows me to count out my daily medications for morning and night for a week at a time.  This pill box keeps me on track to remember to take my daily medications.  Now I just have to remember what day of the week it is.  I am not a person who is upset that I am getting older.  Every old person will say the same thing.  Our bodies may be getting older but we are still young on the inside.  Once, when I was a young lad of 58, one of my younger co-workers said to me, “Michael, you are the youngest 58 year old I have ever known”.  Hopefully, I am now one of the youngest 66 year olds she has ever known.  In my own mind I am 25 years old.  No one is more shocked to be old than an old person.  We are all wondering, “How the heck did this happen”?  One of my best friends and concert buddies is my age.  We met in high school at age 15 and took Driver’s Ed together.  We had some wild adventures in our youth and now we are blown away that some of our memories are 50 years old.  Neither one of us can rock and roll all night like we used to do but we are still trying.  OK, I am stretching the truth a bit.  We still go to concerts together but we occasionally nod off during a slow song if we close our eyes.  We also like to be home before 11:00 PM.  I am even more pathetic because I have to take a PTO day the next day.  It’s not because I got too high or I am hung over.  Although I may have had a few beers, it’s mainly because I’m tired from being out on a school night.  On a positive note, aging can be very freeing.  Most of life’s serious labors are behind you.  The future is always unknown but the present is more appreciated because you know the fragility of life.  You may have been running your entire life but now you can slow down and breathe.  Breathing is a lot easier for me now.  So is napping…..   
 

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Happiness Is An Inside Job

No one can do more to help you find happiness than you yourself, no friend or lover or relative.  Be sure to help your own mind every day with quiet meditation.
 
In a recent email exchange with a friend I told them that I thought my best moments are when I am alone.  They probably thought, “Poor Michael”.  I am sure part of my feeling is because I am a serious introvert.  Sometimes I wish I was more outgoing and sociable.  Other times I thank God I am not.  In all honesty, even the best of people eventually wear me out or get on my nerves.  I am sure I sometimes do the same to other people.  People are best for me in small doses.  However, I am not anti-social and I do value relationships.  I just find relationships exhausting.  They are good for you but like going to the gym I find them a lot of work and sometimes I am not up to the task.  If you are lucky enough to have people in your life who truly complete you or build you up, you should be grateful because not everyone has that.  I would also say that if you have such relationships in your life you should not depend on them.  People come and go in our lives.  Sometimes they leave on their own, other times they are taken from us.  When this happens, we must be able to stand on our own.  A few years ago one of my dearest friends died unexpectedly.  It was very difficult for me.  They were an important part of my life and I was happy to have such a friend.  We shared many deep and personal conversations.  Whatever the quality of your life and relationships, you should cultivate your own personal and private space.  You don’t have to be an introvert to do this.  Even if you are an outgoing and social type person, you should occasionally spend some time alone with your own thoughts.  Happiness comes from within.  Others may enhance it or share our happiness but they cannot give it to us. 

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

The Challenge Of Writing

The week before last I spent a pleasant week in Gulf Shores, Alabama.  I had never been there before so it was nice to see and be in a new place.  One of the reasons I went there was to have a vacation that didn’t require another vacation in order to recover.  In previous vacations I went to Universal Studios and Disney World and it was exhausting.  I’m sure some of you are thinking, “I wish I had such problems”.  All I can say is that going to Disney World in your 30’s and going there in your 60’s are two very different experiences.  Since returning from my vacation I’ve struggled a bit getting back into the routine of writing a daily thought.  Sometimes my mind is just blank and these days my life is very routine and even boring.  In the past I often received inspiration from experiences I had or a book I was reading.  Currently I am reading the autobiography of Phil Collins called Not Dead Yet.  It is interesting from a musical point of view but is mostly the experiences of a man with way too much money.  I started my personal blog in 2006.  Before that I had handwritten journals and hundreds of emails.  I looked at my blog yesterday and since September, 2006, I have written 2,100 daily thoughts.  There is not much I haven’t written about that can be shared with the general public.  I have always strived to send out positive thoughts with occasional whining about daily life.  I have avoided sharing thoughts about any existential angst I may be having at the moment.  It is nice to know that many people like the things I write although one of my sons recently told my granddaughter, “Be careful what you say to Paw Paw because it will probably end up in one of his daily thoughts.  Now that Chloe is a teen-ager with an attitude I can tell you that her entire life is full of drama and angst and no one, including me, understands her.  Jesus once said, “A prophet is never accepted in his own country”.  I can also assure you that a wannabe Zen Master like me is not accepted in their own family either.  No one at home thinks I am wise.  Chloe thinks every conversation with me has too many “life lessons” and the rest of the family thinks I am full of myself.  They may be right.  However, I write as much for myself as anyone else so I will continue writing when there is something I want to say but I cannot guarantee it will be every day.         
 
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Thursday, July 20, 2017

What Is Happiness?


All beings want to be happy, yet so very few know how.  It is out of ignorance that any of us cause suffering, for ourselves or others".
-Sharon Salzberg

Back in the flower power days of the late sixties the rock band Iron Butterfly had a song called “Are You Happy”?  In the not too distant past Bobby McFerrin sang, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy”.  Even more recently Pharrell Williams sang the following lines in his mega hit song “Happy”.

It might seem crazy what I am about to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take a break
I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don't care, baby, by the way


(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do



So here’s the question…..


Are you happy?  If you’re not, is it because you worry all the time?  As a man with a wife I don’t need to worry.  My wife worries enough for ten people.  I have moments of contentment and even joy but I don’t always feel a sense of happiness.  Sometimes I am not sure I really know what happiness is.  Is happiness what I feel when nothing is going wrong?  I once read that happiness is not getting what you want but, rather, loving what you have.  I really do try to life a life of gratitude but I also spend a lot of time thinking about and even longing for what I don’t have.  I am not talking about the accumulation of more material things.  I have all the things I want.  What gives you a sense of happiness?  Many people respond, “My family”.  At the same time, they talk about how their family drives them crazy.  Other people say, “If I had more money, I would be happy”.  Certainly everyone needs enough money for the basic necessities of life.  However, I can tell you from personal experience having more money does not necessarily make you happier.  If other people and more things cannot make us happy, what does?  In your life, if you feel happy, what is it that makes you feel that way?   

Thursday, July 06, 2017

Chloe Becomes A Teen-Ager


There are people throughout Humana and the world who have been following the stories I write about my granddaughter since the day she was born.  Once I was walking in the park across the street from my office when a woman shouted at me from her car.  She said, “Aren’t you Chloe’s Paw Paw”?  Chloe’s popularity and name recognition became greater than my own.  Today is Chloe’s birthday and she is now officially a teen-ager.  Trust me when I say she has the attitude to prove it.  I know many of you will find this difficult to believe.  It is mind blowing for me as well.  After my children were born I assumed that one day I would be a grandfather but I never realized the joy and occasional worry it would give me.  Most grandparents would feel this way.  It is now difficult to remember a time when Chloe was not part of my life or our family.  She and I bonded from the very beginning.  She was only three weeks old the first time she stayed overnight at my home.  My wife and I were in our early 50’s then but very out of practice caring for a newborn child.  I was up every hour getting a bottle, holding her, or rocking her back to sleep.  She used to grab on to my beard with her tiny fingers.  At first it was a little embarrassing how much she preferred me to anyone else, even my wife.  As she got a little older she would wake me up at the crack of dawn so I would go downstairs with her to “play the game”.  “Playing the Game” was the two of us sitting in the middle of the floor with every doll and stuffed animal she owned.  I have a Jerry Garcia doll.  She would grab it, bring it to me and say, “You be Jerry”!  At one time she was the only child in the daycare who had a Jerry Garcia tee shirt.  However, now that Chloe is no longer a child but a blossoming young woman, she and my wife are a lot closer.  She talks about girl stuff with my wife and philosophical stuff with me.  Chloe knows twice as much about life at age thirteen than I did at age thirteen.  That is not necessarily a good thing.  I hope I have a long enough life to see her grow up and become an adult.  She needs me as much as I need her.  For now I will enjoy every moment I have with her even if we are disagreeing about whatever the drama of the day happens to be.  Next week she will be going on vacation with the old folks.  She keeps us young plus I want to give her as many enjoyable experiences as I can before life get too serious and demanding for her.  You only have one childhood.  She’s already had her share of challenges and soon enough she will be an adult.  Someday I will also need her to break me out of the nursing home. 

 

P.S.  Prepare yourselves.  She will be driving a car in three years.  I wonder if Dad will let her borrow his prized Corvette?