Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Feeling Good About Myself
This week I have eaten McDonald's Happy Meals in four different McDonald's restaurants trying to obtain all the Ice Age action figures for my beloved granddaughter. I have multiples of everything except the two main characters. They are a Wooly Mammoth and Sabertooth Tiger. I think I will have to visit every McDonald's in my part of the world! This coming weekend my wife and I will be taking Chloe to see "Ice Age...Dawn of the Dinosaurs" in 3D. Having watched the first two Ice Age movies about 500 times I am actually looking forward to this new adventure. Now if I can just track down those damn action figures!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
My Weekend
Yesterday was a busy and full day. After a good night's sleep I got out of bed and went to a local restaurant where I met two strangers. They had contacted me by email and wanted to discuss the lay group I lead at the monastery. They were very interesting people with lots of education and life experience plus a deep curiosity about contemplation, Zen, and spiritual living. We hit it off very well and spent nearly two hours discussing all of these things. They seemed to be kindred spirits and I suspect we will be seeing more of one another. I often feel less than spiritual in my daily living so I am usually amazed how much passion I have for spiritual things when I am involved in such a conversation. Whether I am talking about the spiritual life, music, or my granddaughter, I often get very excited and I believe this excitement reveals my passion. I love to be passionate. It makes me feel alive. So much of life can be boring or life draining. Passion is energizing and it fills us with life.
After my breakfast meeting I came home and immediately left for a pool party at the home of some friends. It was a good day for such a party. The sun was shining bright, the sky was blue, and it was hotter than hell. Officially, it has been summer for less than a week. However, it seems we've already had many days with temperatures in the 90's. The pool party was enjoyable. The water felt great, I didn't get too sunburned, and the frozen alcoholic concoctions that I drank throughout the afternoon were very, very tasty. I should be living in Key West, Florida with Jimmy Buffet as my neighbor. In the evening we had an Italian dinner where I drank too much wine, ate too much bread and pasta, and experienced a diabetic hell. When I got up this morning my blood sugar level was 212....not good.
Today I slowly got out of bed. I really didn't want to get up but I forced myself to do so because I always enjoy my weekend mornings where I can sit in my chair, drink my coffee, listen to my music, and read my morning newspaper. Now it is early afternoon and soon Chloe and her parents will be here so my son can install a new window air conditioner. It is for my bedroom and is an attempt to cool down my menopausal wife who I am afraid will burst into flames any day. She's always hot and I am always cold. Once this air conditioner is installed I will need to buy some new flannel pajamas, a hat and gloves, and a new electric blanket. Once my wife cranks up this new air conditioner sleeping in my bedroom will be like camping out on Mount Everest in a snowstorm. I may need to also buy a small pup tent for my side of the bed.
Here's a great website. Check it out. I love Zen. People think it is complicated. It's not. Zen is simple. Zen is being where you are and doing what you are doing. It is that simple and it's that challenging. When you are walking, just walk. When you are eating, just eat. Whatever you are doing, just do it.
http://www.zenmoments.org
Master your senses, What you taste and smell, What you see, what you hear. In all things be a master Of what you do and say and think. Be free. Are you quiet? Quieten your body. Quieten your mind. By your own efforts Waken yourself, watch yourself, And live joyfully. Follow the truth of the way. Reflect upon it. Make it your own. Live it. It will always sustain you.
- from the Dhammapada
Thursday, June 25, 2009
More Thoughts On Happiness
Most lives are not happy all the time. Happiness is most likely to be found in unexpected moments. Why can't most of us be happy all of the time? Buddha teaches that all life is suffering caused by bad karma or our our poor choices. I tend to disagree with this absolute and would change his basic thought to "much of life is suffering". Christians belief that our suffering in life is the result of the "original sin" when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the forbidden fruit. Whatever the reason or cause, it is a basic truth. Perhap's our experience of happiness is relative to our perception of the level of suffering in our lives. Then we must ask, "What is suffering"? One man's suffering is another man's good life. Materially, I live like a king compared to many in the world. Emotionally I often feel like there's a big void in my life and spiritually I often feel like I am in the desert. Hmmmm, it appears that 2/3th of my life is a wasteland. Some would say, "Get over yourself! You have a nice car, a big house, and a great family". I know all of this is true and that sometimes I do just need to just get over myself, my petty emotions, and my daydreams of the perfect life. I need to be more grateful for the material comfort I have and for the people in my life even if they don't meet all my needs or expectations. Someday I hope to actually achieve this level of gratitude. When I do I may be rewarded with a greater sense of the elusive feeling we call "happiness".
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Trying To Define Happiness?
No, I don't think my reflection was a quest to define true happiness. I think my bigger question is why, in the midst of circumstances that should make us feel happy, do we still sometimes feel so restless. I've often referred to myself as a "romantic". By that I don't mean a ladies man. I mean someone who is a dreamer and idealist. People like this, including me, tend to always have feelings of longing, often for something they can't even name or define. As a friend once said about Thomas Merton, "He was always longing for the further shore". My life is good and there is little that justifies complaining. However, I still often have this sense of longing. I'm just not sure what I am longing for!
Perhaps this longing is what drives me in life and what motivates my restless soul and questioning mind. Sometimes it seems like a lonely journey but I know I do not travel this path alone.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Breaking Down Or Breaking Through?
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Father's Day Thoughts
Yesterday afternoon my oldest son came over and completed a number of chores for my wife and me. I am no Tim the Tool Man but somehow my son is gifted with the use of tools and the ability to fix things. I am a klutz for the most part. In the evening my wife and I attended a 50th Wedding Anniversary party for one of her cousins. When they got married my wife was the six year old flower girl in their wedding. I am still trying to get my head around the fact that my wife and I will be married 35 years later this summer. Time marches on and nothing can stop it.
My younger son informed me last night that he will be attending St. Meinrad School of Theology in the fall. This is the next step in his studies for the priesthood. This was not his first choice of schools but he is accepting of the Archdiocese's decision. My wife and I are thrilled. I am thrilled because St Meinrad is also a Benedictine monastery with close to 100 monks. With Nick as a student there I will have ample opportunity and reason to visit. My wife is happy because he will be close to home. St. Meinrad is only 75 miles from where we live. It is a beautiful place and much like the Abbey of Gethsemani. They both follow the same basic Rule for Monasteries but each with a different emphasis.
Last night I was thinking that although I do not feel ordinary, I do not feel special either. On the surface my life certainly seems ordinary. My life is full of daily routines, obligations, and tasks. In spite of this I really try to not to live an ordinary life. If the surface of my life seems ordinary and monotonous, I strive to constantly find the extraordinary within the ordinary. This is very challenging. I read to enlighten my mind. I reflect to enlighten my soul. I strive to slow down and live in the moment so I can be present to life more fully. Still, it often feels like I am just going through the motions. It is difficult to not feel like my life is a series of robotic motions that simply include a rotation of work, sleep, eat, laundry, work, sleep, eat, laundry, etc. Sometimes I am unhappy but I am also aware of all that is good in my life. If everything doesn't go my way, there is still much to appreciate and for which to be grateful. I strive to make my gratitude outweigh my unhappiness. I think part of my current struggle is a feeling that I have lost my sense of purpose. For what reasons do I do what I do? What is the point of my surrender to the boredom and monotony of life? Buddhism says our suffering is a result of our own minds. How is my mind causing my own suffering and unhappiness? How does one break the dysfunctional patterns of one's own life? How do you escape from yourself? If our own mind causes our unhappiness and suffering, and not other people or circumstances as we like to believe, what kind of cartharsis is needed to break the cycle? Real happiness and contentment seem to elude me. Why I am so restless?
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Manual Labor
Random Thoughts On A Rainy Day
While I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital day turned into night and we had a big thunderstorm. When I got home I had a better idea of how hard it actually rained. There were small twigs and leaves all over the road, one could easily see that the normal drainage route was overwhelmed, and my back yard is once again full of fallen tree branches. It looks like I will be required to do some yard work on Saturday. The next time I have a few thousand dollars laying around those trees are history.
My father died back in February. If he were still alive today it would be my parent's 60th wedding anniversary. I was hoping he would live long enough to see it. Of course, even 59 years is quite extraordinary.
Today is also Paul McCartney's 67th birthday. The music of Paul McCartney, especially the songs from his time in the Beatles, have been a big part of the soundtrack of my life. I finally saw a Paul McCartney concert in 2002 and it was one of the most enjoyable musical experiences of my life. I'm so happy he put out a DVD and CD of that tour so I can regularly relive the experience.
A few weeks ago I was contacted by a stranger who stumbled upon my blog. It turned out that she is an author and has a strong interest in the connection between spirituality and music. In fact, she has written a book about it called "I Found All The Parts"...Healing the Soul Through Rock "n" Roll. She was kind enough to send me a free copy which I began reading a few days ago. I am very interested in reading her thoughts because I have long felt that music, even rock and roll, is very spiritual and the experience of music touches us in ways we do not always understand. In many ways music has been a religion for me. I would have to say that no other artistic or spiritual experience sustains me as consistently as music.
On a more traditional spiritual path this week I also started reading the latest book by the Dalai Lama entitled "Becoming Enlightened". I read a page or two with my morning coffee before leaving for work. I like the Buddhist ideas that all things are connected, that karma affects our life experiences, and that much of our suffering is a product of our own minds.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Woodstock And Granddaughters

Earlier this afternoon I was deep into a granddaughter induced nap when a loud clap of thunder jolted me from my dreams. I was likely near the stage at Woodstock. Sunday afternoon naps after an overnight visit from my granddaughter are a tradition in my life. I love my granddaughter more than anyone or anything but she wears me out! My 58 year old body can not keep up with her five year old energy. She had me up today at the crack of dawn. She woke me and said, "Pa Paw, it's time to go make coffee and I want to watch the mouse movie". The mouse movie was "The Tale of Despereaux". At 8:00 AM this morning we began watching it for the second time. Viewing it was also the last thing we did before going to bed last night. It's actually very good and I recommend it to all adults. Children's movies have come a very long way from the Disney classics I watched as a child.
My son, Nick, goes back to school tomorrow after being home for approximately a month. As soon as he completes a couple of summer school classes he will graduate from college. In the fall here will continue his studies for the priesthood in a graduate school that has yet to be determined. He hope to attend Catholic University in Washington, D. C. but he's still waiting for the powers that be to make this decision. I guess I need to get off here now and do my Sunday night laundry! Arrrh! Tomorrow begins another work week! Weekends go by so quickly!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Words On Solitude And Silence
WORDS ON SOLITUDE AND SILENCE
“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone.”
Paul Tillich
“What a lovely surprise to discover how un-lonely being alone can be.”
Ellen Burstyn
“Light the candles and pour the red wine into your glass. Before you eat, raise your glass in honor of yourself. The company is the best you will ever have.”
Daniel Halpern
“We need time to dream, time to remember, and time to reach the infinite. Time to be.”
Gladys Taber (1899-1980)
“Listen in deep silence. Be very still and open your mind…. Sink deep in to the peace that waits for you beyond the frantic, riotous thoughts and sights and sounds of this insane world.”
From “A Course in Miracles”
“Let my doing nothing when I have nothing to do, become untroubled in its depth of peace, like the evening in the seashore when the water is silent.”
Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
“The need for temporary solitude is so intense it amounts to an impediment, a malady, chronic and incurable like recurring malaria…. Like a remittent fever it is nothing you can banish. Outwardly we look okay, but inwardly we are desperate; gasping and frantic for something as integral to ourselves as the colour of our eyes.”
Mirabel Osler
“When one is a stranger to oneself, then one is estranged from others, too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others…. Only when one is connected to one’s own core, is one connected to others….. And for me, the core, the inner spring, can best be re-found through silence.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh. B.1906
“Learn to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.”
Marian Wright Edelman
“My idea of heaven is opening the door into an empty room- not forever, I haven’t enough resources, but for at least great chunks of time each day… A room or a garden- it doesn’t matter which - is the breath of life…”
Mirabel Osler
“In solitude, we are LEAST alone….”
Lord Byron (1788-1824)
“Loneliness is the poverty of self, solitude is the richness of self.”
May Sarton (1912-1995)
“We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never let it happen. Even if family, friends, and the movies should fail, there is still the radio or television to fill up the void…. We can do our housework with soap-opera heroes at our side…. Now, instead of planting our solitude with our own dream blossoms, we choke the space with continuous music, chatter, and companionship to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the vacuum. When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place. We must re-learn to be alone.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh, B. 1906
“Once, after a particularly claustrophobic, stressful and over-populated time when there hadn’t been air or space to escape to, suddenly, for a few days, I was alone. It was like emigrating to another planet ( in fact I was at home ). Who was this person I was living with, this strange, this reasonable, serene foreigner in the house: a becalmed woman who spent her time inwardly humming?”
Mirabel Osler
“There is pleasure in the pathless woods, There is a rapture on the lonely shore, There is a society where none intrudes, By the deep sea, and music in its roar: I love not man the less, but nature more.”
Lord Byron (1788-1824)
“All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.”
Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
“I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my “real” life again at last. That is what is strange - that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and discover what is happening or what has happened. Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid. Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone….”
May Sarton (1912-1995)
“Solitude gives birth to the original in us, to beauty, unfamiliar and perilous….”
Thomas Mann (1875-1955)
“You do not need to leave your room… Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice. It will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”
Frank Kafka (1883-1924)
“Never do I close my door behind me without being conscious that I am carrying out an act of charity towards myself.”
Peter Hoeg
“The cure for all the illness of life is stored in the inner depth of life itself, the access to which becomes possible when we are alone. This solitude is a world in itself, full of wonders and resources unthought of. It is absurdly near; yet so unapproachably distant.”
Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
“I will take time to be alone today. I will take time to be quiet. In this silence I will listen… and I will hear my answers.”
Ruth Fishel
“There is a silence into which the world cannot intrude. There is an ancient peace you carry in your heart and have not lost.”
From “A Course in Miracles”
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Compassion
Monday, June 08, 2009
A Visit From Chloe
I've never been a huge fan of poetry but recently a friend sent me a poem that I really liked. She found it on Garrison Keillor's website. He is most famous for his Prairie Home Companion radio show. On the website I subscribed to receiving a daily poem, most of which I have found delightful. If you are interested in taking a little risk and reading a few poems, check out this website.
http://writersalmanac.publicradio.org
Another friend recently made a trip to the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville. He sent me the following note.
At the exit of the Country Music Hall of Fame Museum, just before entering the brass plaque filled Hall of Honor of all the greats... both past and present, you find a quote from Emmylou Harris which ALL music lovers will appreciate:
"We can’t know where we’re going until we know where we’ve been. And the music of the past is not just to study and put in a museum. The way to study it is to put it on the stereo and turn it up as loud as you can."
I couldn't agree more!
Sunday, June 07, 2009
A Trip To Gethsemani
After mass with the monks, and a pot luck lunch with my friends, I headed down the road to the home of my friend, Father Dennis. He is most hospitable and when I am at his home I feel very much at home. As I have said many times, Dennis is like a big brother to me. As the oldest sibling in my family I never had an older brother or sister so it's nice to have Dennis in my life. We have wonderful conversations that are funny and deep at the same time. I wish I wasn't so busy and had more time to visit him. It's frustrating that my visits are usually rushed because I always seem to have somewhere else I am supposed to be.
Tomorrow it's back to the daily work grind. It's difficult enough to return to work every Monday after a weekend. Going back after a week of vacation and the personal freedom associated with that is down right cruel.
I don't really mind because I have missed some of my work friends. As my son says, "It's all good"! Amen.
Friday, June 05, 2009
Early Morning
My week of vacation is rapidly coming to an end. Sometime today I will take in a movie but that is my only goal. I will continue doing what I love which is mostly reading and listening to music. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring but Sunday I will be going to the monastery for much of the day. Monday will be here soon and I will be cast back into the grind of the work week. Now it is time to ignore the future and be in the moment. My coffee cup is empty and needs a refill. My chair is empty and needs me to sit in it. The book on my table is closed and needs to be opened and read. Life is good.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
Books, Music, Coffee, And Relationships
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Death Of A Queen/The Days That Used To Be
I just finished watching a DVD I bought on my trip. It was a film of the original Moody Blues recorded live at the 1970 Isle of Wight Festival. It's a minor miracle that it even exists, much less released in a 5.1 Surround Sound edition. I absolutely love the Moody Blues and I have seen them many times. I still consider myself a hippie, albeit an aging one. The music of my youth, and the memories associated with it, fill me with warmth and a little sadness for all that has passed away. In general I find myself more emotional, sensitive, and sad as my life goes on. We are all so full of promise and hope when we are young. As we age life often forces us to do much that is contrary to who we are or who we want to be. Most get quickly trapped into responsibilities and obligations that consume much of our life. As adults we long for the freedom we had in our youth. Looking back, my youth, and the youth of my friends, seemed like a time that was truly lived with zest and adventure. As an adult I know much of the past is viewed with rose colored glasses. However, looking through the bi-focals I am wearing now, so many of us seem to live in small worlds. In those days of old I was part of a like minded group of fellow travelers. Today I am part of a family who do not seem like minded on any level. Though part of a family, these days I feel like I travel mostly alone except on the rare occasion when I am with fellow travelers of similar mind. Watching the youthful Moody Blues, and seeing the 600,000 people in the audience, reminds me how far we have traveled from the those days. In those times I was more in the moment than I can ever hope to be now. Yes, we have traveled far from those days in ways we don't even know. Neil Young wrote a great song about these days. Read these lyrics carefully. How far away are you from the days that used to be?
Days That Used To Be
People say don't rock the boat,
let things go their own way
Ideas that once seem so right,
now have gotten hard to say
I wish I could talk to you,
you could talk to me
'Cause there's very few of us left
my friend
From the days that used to be.
Seem like such a simple thing
to follow one's own dream
But possessions and concessions
are not often what they seem
They drag you down
and load you down
in disguise of security.
But we never had
to make those deals
In the days that used to be.
Talk to me, my long lost friend,
tell me how you are
Are you happy with
your circumstance,
are you driving a new car
Does it get you where you wanna go,
with a seven year warranty
Or just another
hundred thousand miles away
From days that used to be.