Wednesday, April 04, 2018

Wandering Around

Nothing has gone wrong today but it has seemed like a frustrating day.  It started off well enough when I was invited to lunch on Friday with two former co-workers.  I wasn't sure I would be available but things worked out.  Afterwards, though, I tried unsuccessfully to get my granddaughter out of bed before the maids arrived.  I am fortunate to have a cleaning service tidy up my house once a month.  When they finally arrived I told them to skip my granddaughter's room.  Usually when the maids arrive I leave the house until they are done with their work.  I did my usual thing and went to a nearby coffee shop.  For reasons unknown I felt like I was having a panic attack while I was quietly drinking my coffee.  I went outside for some fresh air and then I just sat in my car for a little while.  Eventually I drove around for a while before finally heading home.  My timing was perfect as the maids were wrapping things up as I arrived home.  My granddaughter slept through the whole experience and is still in bed at this moment.

I am very tired of having these emotional ups and downs.  Even meditation doesn't always help.  It seems my emotions are at a heightened sensibility.  The slightest thing can change my mood for better or worse.  There is a saying in some spiritual and psychological circles that goes, "Before you can have a break thru, you must have a breakdown".  Some days I think I am close to that point.

My granddaughter is going back home tonight.  She is not happy about it but her Dad wants to spend some time with her while she is on spring break.  I am sure she will have a good time with him.  He is a good Dad.  Tomorrow I will have a "normal" day where I can come and go as I please.  So far this week I haven't been walking.  Tomorrow I will walk for sure.

I am hoping to have an enjoyable lunch on Friday.  At the very least the drive to the restaurant will do me good.  

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