Let The Goodness Of The Universe Come To You

My driveway has a slight incline. The closer to the house I park, the more difficult it is to get out of my car. Yesterday, as I was getting out of my car, I noticed several aches and pains that had no apparent cause. I felt soreness like I had been to the gym or had done some yard work. Since the likelihood of either is very remote, I wondered why I was sore. I asked my wife if she ever felt like I was feeling. She replied, "Sure, all the time. In your case I think it is caused by being 57"! After my thoughts yesterday about being annoyed at having to move one more time, someone sent me a note that said, "So you're human! Big deal"! Recently in Louisville the local Catholic Church celebrated the 40th anniversary of Trappist monk Thomas Merton's famous epiphany in our downtown area where he suddenly felt a oneness with all of the ordinary people going abut their business. He wondered to himself, "How can I make them understand that they are all walking around shining like the sun"? My aches and pains, my occasional meltdowns, the daily challenges of life, as well as the unexpected joys, remind me that I am human. I have friends and family who care about me and who love me. I even have a few fans who don't know me but love my daily thoughts. For someone so ordinary, I am often extraordinarily blessed with an abundance of wealth that cannot be measured. Like many things in life I don't always deserve it. That's the joy of it. In spite of my ordinariness, in spite of my faults and failings, the universe smiles on me. All of this reminds me of the 5th verse of the Tao Te Ching. Read these words carefully.

Heaven and earth are impartial. The sage is like heaven and earth. To him none are especially dear, nor is there anyone he disfavors. He gives and gives without condition, offering his treasures to everyone. Between heaven and earth is a space like a bellows; empty and inexhaustible, the more it is used, the more it produces. Hold on to the center. Man was made to sit quietly and find the truth within.

You don't have to be great in the eyes of the world. You don't have to chase everything you want. You can be ordinary. You can be plain and simple. I know it sounds like a cliche but you can be one with the universe wherever you are and the goodness of the universe will come to you. Some people call this the Law of Attraction. It doesn't matter what you call it. What it is really about is having a receptive attitude. Be open to life and it will fill you up. Sometimes it may give you a little pain or discomfort but even this has value. Joy would lose some of it's meaning if that's all you experienced. As the folk singer Arlo Guthie once said, "You can't really appreciate a light unless you have a dark place to put it in". I think it is because I am so ordinary and human that I am able to appreciate the subtleties of life. By living precariously and to a certain extent, on the edge, I can find joy in the simplest of things.

Inter Office Migrant Farm Worker

Today I have moved for what seems like the 100th time. In reality I think this is the 3rd time I've had to move in approximately 18 months. The work culture in which I live is very nomadic. Sometimes I feel like a migrant farm worker. We are always growing and changing and as a result, work areas and locations evolve and change as well. After the first few moves I learned to travel light. With each subsequent move I have lightened my load even more. After a few more moves I will very likely be able to get all my personal possessions into a small back pack. I'm even considering bringing my hiking stick into the office. If I could go back and track all the moves I have made in the last 22 years it would very likely be equal to hiking the Appalachian Trail several times. I do not like moving and I think I am not alone. What upsets me most is my own reaction to it. It's really not that big of a deal but I sometimes get upset about it and I know that is petty. It is further proof that I am a long way from the kind of detachment taught in Buddhism. I am very attached to my personal space. For the last six months I have worked in what I considered the best working environment that I've ever had. It was very quiet and I had a rather solitary location back in a corner near a window. It was everything an introvert loves. My new location is not likely to be quiet, it's no where near a window, and it certainly isn't solitary. I share all of this with you to show you that I can be just as petty and complaining as anyone, perhaps even more so. I know that I will get over it in a day or two and everything will be fine. I will just have to re-adjust once again, focus on my inner quiet and solitude, get into a new routine, and find out where the men's room is located. The law of averages gives me hope. It is just a matter of time before I move again and with any luck I will land in a better spot.

Keep your mouth shut! As long as you have a job, who cares where you sit!
-My wife

Serenity now! Serenity now!
-Frank Costanza (George's dad on Seinfeld)

A Weekend With Chloe

One of the things I wanted to do over the weekend was go see the new Martin Scorsese film of the Rolling Stones playing at the famous Beacon Theater in New York City. Well, that never happened. I did make it to the movies, however, but it was with Chloe. When we got out of the car and were walking into the cinema, Chloe looked at me and said "It's a beautiful day, Pa Paw"! I was happy that she was appreciating the moment. At the movies we saw "Horton Hears a Who" by Dr Seuss. It was very good and Chloe was totally into it. I doubt if she would have enjoyed watching skinny 60 year old senior citizens playing rock in roll on an Imax screen even if it was Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. Watching "Horton Hears a Who" she was transported to the jungle and Whoville while she drank Coca Cola and ate popcorn and cotton candy. It was equally exciting to watch the movie previews and discover there is a new Madagascar and a new Ice Age movie coming out. When I was a boy I went to double features at the local movie house for 50 cents. This little trip with Chloe cost my wife and me $40! After the movie we took Chloe to the nursing home to see the "old" Pa Paw. I thought Chloe might be a little frightened of all the old people sitting around slumped over in their wheelchairs. It is sometimes depressing to me. It didn't seem to faze her. At first the nursing home cat and dog caught her attention and she spent some time petting them. Later she started playing peekaboo with a man and a woman who live in the home. She was laughing hysterically and the sound of a child's laughter seem to perk up some of the residents. My dad and many of the other patients were sitting in the common area where there is a fish aquarium and a television. Dad was talkative but sometimes drifted off to the unknown. I think for Dad there is only the moment. He seems to have little memory and no concept of time. He asked my wife what date it was. He was surprised when she told him it was April. He thought it was February. When I was driving home I realized that February was when he left home for the hospital. He hasn't been home since. Chloe was spending the night so the rest of my Saturday evening was spent watching Jerry Seinfeld's "Bee Movie" and the movie version of "Garfield".

I'm sitting here in my room at home typing these thoughts. All is quiet except for the swishing of the washing machine and my new Peter Gabriel CD. It is warm outside, nearly 70 degrees, and there is no breeze whatsoever coming in my window. Chloe and her parents left a little while ago. It's been a very long day. Chloe got me up early as she always does whenever she stays the night. How can I resist her sweet voice when she wakes me up and says, "I want to make your coffee, Pa Paw". I slowly got out of the bed and we headed downstairs. After the coffee making ritual we started round two of the "Bee Movie" followed by "Over the Hedge". I know all of the dialogue for Chloe's entire movie collection. One thing I have re-learned with Chloe, and she's like every other child in this regard, is that soon or later if you spend a whole day together there will be a battle of wills. Now I love Chloe more than anything but sometimes we go head to head. She is a formidable opponent. At times my 57 year old will is no match for her willful persistence. I try to not always give in to her but after almost 34 years of having similar tug of wars with her grandmother, I have little will of my own. We all know women really rule the world. Another thing I have noticed about children is that if they have any sense that you are comfortable, they will immediately demand that you get on the floor and leave whatever comfortable chair you were in. You must either sit cross legged on the floor or "act like an animal" and let them ride on you. By the time I have spend 24 hours non stop with Chloe, I am wasted. That's why I am typing these notes now. I needed to write these thoughts before I pass out. Of course, whenever she is not around I miss her and look forward to her next visit. The truth is that she is my biggest fan and I am hers.

Famous actor, Charlton Heston, died over the weekend. He is perhaps most famous as Moses in the "Ten Commandments" but he also played Ben-Hur, Michelangelo, John the Baptist, and El-Cid. However, I would like to remember him with one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies.

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape"!
-Charlton Heston as Taylor in "Planet of the Apes".

Martin Luther King, Jr.

40 years ago today, Martin Luther King, Jr was killed in Memphis, Tennessee. It was 1968 and I was a seventeen year old high school kid. It was the second of three prominent murders I would experience in the Sixties. The first was President John F Kennedy and the third was his brother, Robert F Kennedy. The Sixties were a time of great hope and great change but also a time of great violence. It was an exciting and scary time to live. The Civil Rights movement was happening and the Vietnam war was on the news every night much like today's war in Iraq. As a teenage white kid living in the suburbs it's not likely that I really appreciated at the time what Martin Luther King, Jr. stood for. I was too busy being a teenager. Over the years as I learned more about Martin Luther King, Jr and one of his chief influences, Mahatma Gandhi, I realized what a great man he was and I began to under the message of non violence. Many of my personal heroes and role models are men of peace. Martin Luther King, Jr is high on my list. Two other men who died in the Sixties that are also high on my list are Pope John XXIII who wrote the famous encyclical entitled "Peace on Earth" and the monk, Thomas Merton, who wrote much about race relations and peace in addition to works on spirituality. I have mentioned Thomas Merton many times in my daily thoughts. He was a monk of Gethsemani, the monastery that I often visit. Our modern world has been lacking in such charismatic leaders as these men. The few that come to mind are Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Pope John Paul II, Nelson Mandela, Lech Walensa and the Dalai Lama. I want to believe that some of Martin's dream has come true but the world is still in a sorry state. There is much hatred and war and intolerance. It is easy to think we are going backwards instead of forward. We need more men...and women...of every race and color with the vision of Martin Luther King, Jr. When he gave his "I Have a Dream" speech in 1963 I was little more than a child but I have heard it many times since then and believe it's one of the great speeches of all time. Once, on a visit to Washington, D.C. I stood where he stood when he gave this speech. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that day and all the feelings his words must have caused as his audience will filled with hope. We need to keep this hope alive. We all need to work for peace and tolerance and acceptance for all. We all need to have Martin's dream.

"I've looked over and I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the Promised Land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man".
-Martin Luther King, Jr April 3rd, 1968, the night before he was assassinated. He was only 39 years old

Caring For Your Parents

I'm a little under the gun right now. It's 11:00 PM and this is my only time to write these thoughts. Earlier in the evening I fell asleep and slept longer than I should have. In spite of the occasional joys and benefits of naps, sometimes it annoys me when I fall asleep and lose some personal quality time in the evenings. After I awoke, I watched a two hour show on PBS entitled "Caring for your Parents". It was very enlightening, informative, and realistic based on my limited experience of dealing with aging and sick parents. The show profiled five families and their struggles and challenges dealing with elderly and sick parents. Some of you are part of my generation and are having this experience in your own lives. Others of you belong to my children's generation and have parents who are my age. For you this scenario seems a long way off. My children make jokes about my age but I doubt if they have ever seriously considered that I may end up very much like their grandparents some day. There are many things in life that we all know will happen some day but we only think about them in a kind of intellectual or hypothetical way. When the reality happens, it sometimes seems to have happened overnight. During the show I had the realization that in many ways all of life has come together in the moments that make up my current life. Looking at my family I have my very young granddaughter who is early in her journey of life and my parents and mother in law who are long on the journey and possibly near it's end. My children are adults now and on the threshold of their greatest adventures. My wife and I may be at our peak and are certainly in the autumn of life. My granddaughter is spring, my children are summer, my wife and I are autumn, and our parents are winter. Of course one point made in the show is that caring for aging parents is not all doom and gloom and work. The point was made that adult children often develop a much closer emotional relationship with parents as they care for them. Although I am not even close to being a primary caregiver for my father, when I visit with him now I feel a closeness that I have never felt before. There is a tenderness between us now that never existed when we were both younger. So, even though aging parents can be trying at times, I hope that this time in their lives...and mine...will someday be looked back on as a time of grace and enlightenment.

A friend sent me these delightful quotes from their daughter. They were too good not to share. This young child will be a future Zen Master.

Sometimes the greatest of quotes come from children. I wanted to share this one with you from my daughter, who is 8. Her little brother is now 12 months old. She said this one day in the car when her brother was being really fussy and crying."If you're tired, go to sleep. If you're hungry, drink your bottle. And, if you have to poop, just poop!"So simply put by an 8 year old! She also just recently said to me after I gave her a lecture on being trustworthy, "Mom, don't go all fortune cookie on me."

Lunch With A Friend

Yesterday it was colder outside than it appeared from inside my office. Nevertheless, spring is here. Fresh mulch has been spread around the trees and bushes in our park. The dogwood's are blooming and bright yellow daffodils make the drive home more beautiful. Mornings are still cool but the smell in the air is fresh and different from the coolness of a autumn morning. You can tell that nature is bursting at the seams and everything is ready to rise from it's winter sleep.

After my daily thoughts yesterday about how I am sometimes just bored with my day, at least one person thanked me for admitting it and making it acceptable for other people to admit the same thing.

I had lunch yesterday with one of my favorite friends. One of the reasons I like her so much is that we can talk about anything. We had known one another for a long time before we actually became friends. At one time we sat next to one another. I believe the intention behind that was so she could be a positive influence on me and reform me. Well, she has been a positive influence but I am beyond reform. What happened is that we became very close friends. In the days before my coffee maker was kidnapped by Building Maintenance, I used to make her a fresh pot of "Fog Lifter" coffee when she arrived each day. We had a very enjoyable working relationship and some great coffee breaks. Yesterday at lunch we talked of many things. We talked about relationships, spouses, children, work, personal frustrations and a couple of hundred other things. One topic related a bit to my thoughts from yesterday. Sometimes in life, usually around middle age, it is not uncommon to feel a need for a break from your life. For some people this becomes a mid life crisis. For other people it may be nothing but private thoughts on a rainy afternoon. Many professional people, and others with the financial means to do so, often go on a sabbatical. Most people, however, don't have the means to take off a month, six months, or a year, to renew and refresh themselves. We don't have the luxury to step away from our "normal" life in order to gain a new perspective on it, or to pursue some course of study that might enrich it. Since I came out of the closet and admitted that sometimes I get bored, let me step out a little bit more and speak out for everyone who sometimes get tired of being someone's spouse, someone's parent, someone's child, or someone's employee. Sometimes we would just like to own our individual lives. Occasionally I try to imagine a day or a week or a month of total freedom with no obligations, commitments, or promises to keep. I am not suggesting an irresponsible, totally self centered, childish wild weekend. I am suggesting stepping back and taking a break from our lives for personal renewal and refreshment. This takes more than a day. Sometimes we are so close to our own lives that we can't see the forest for the trees. I say all of this while acknowledging that most of us, including me, have pretty decent lives. However, it's not a bad thing to sometimes feel boredom, fatigue, or even a little resentment from the demands of our lives. It's not always selfish to be a little self centered. It's a normal feeling. Don't feel bad if you sometimes have these feelings. I think it's a rare person who never feels like this. Welcome to the human race.

On Being Bored

In spite of everything I have ever written about seizing the day, being in the moment, or being grateful for all the good things we have and all the bad things we don't have, sometimes I am just trying to get through the day. Such days are not necessarily bad. They're not good or bad. They just are. These ordinary days can sometimes seem like a test of my mental endurance. When you have a day that is just kind of blah, what can you do? You don't feel bad but you don't feel great either. You just feel bored. Wherever you are, you want to be somewhere else. Yesterday was such a day for me. Maybe it's spring fever. I did go out a couple of times during the day and the late afternoon sun and the cool breeze made me wish I was out walking in the woods somewhere. Since it was Monday my spirit may have had one foot still stuck in the weekend or I may have been in denial that it was once again Monday. I couldn't wait to get out of the office. Sometimes on days like this, when I am feeling unmotivated, and if the weather is agreeable, I roll down the windows of my car, crank up some rock and roll, and cruise down the highway. The breeze airs out my mind and the beat of the music gets me moving. If I can't do this, a nice nap always helps. I lie on my couch with a little breeze coming in the window. Soon I am transported from a blah, ordinary day to another galaxy. Inner space travel lifts the spirit and a nap cures many things. I suppose all of us feel like this sometimes and I am no different. As I write this I realize that I am suggesting various ways of escaping the reality of a boring day. We sometimes talk about escaping as though it were always bad. I guess it is if you do it all the time. Sometimes, though, I just need to escape. I don't always feel the desire or have the resolve to face everything head on. I have heard there are three ways to deal with life. You can fight it, you can flee from it, or you can walk the middle path and be present to it. Normally I walk the middle path of contemplation. I used to fight it a lot but I am less resistant as I get older. Other times I run away to fight another day. Yesterday was a day I wanted to run away. Of course, nothing was chasing me except the terror of my own boredom. I am still car-pooling with my wife and daughter in law so I couldn't rock and roll down the highway, plus that is difficult to do in bumper to bumper rush hour traffic. So, as soon as I could get out of the office and into the solitude of my own home, I took a nap. I've never been bored while taking a nap.