Passion

Spring has fast forwarded into the kind of extremely hot, muggy days that I hate. It was still 90 degrees at 9:00 PM last night and it is already in the low 80's in the early morning. Normally these dog days do not arrive so soon and I hope they are not here for good. If they are, it will be a very long summer.

What began as a very relaxed Saturday turned into a very busy weekend. I love Saturdays. Normally I can sleep in as late as I want though I seldom sleep past 9:00 AM. I must have been really tired this week. I slept in till 11:00 AM on Saturday. My wife was out much of the afternoon with her mother so I had the house to myself. I enjoyed the solitude. Later in the day the family met at a local restaurant to celebrate my oldest son's 30th birthday. After the meal Chloe came home with my wife and me. She was very good and behaved in her usual sweet manner. She did wake me up in the middle of the night after having a dream about some psychotic Care Bears or something of the sort. She immediately fell back asleep while I stared at the clock on my ceiling. It was 3:00 AM. I found myself thinking that would be rise and shine time if I was at the monastery. Eventually I fell asleep again until about 8:00 AM when I felt Chloe crawling on top of me going "Wake up, Pa Paw"! When I opened my eyes she was looking at me upside down saying "It's time to get up Pa Paw"!. If Chloe is ready to get up, you can, at best, delay it 5-10 minutes. Of course, during all of this Granny is performing her academy award winning version of a possum. Later, after taking Chloe home, and checking on my mother, I went to visit my Dad. I found him in his room, sitting in his wheelchair, eyes closed but lips moving. Was he praying? Should I disturb him? I gently touched his shoulder and he opened his eyes. We talked for a while. He said he wasn't doing well and missed my mother. His room was very hot...he gets cold easily...so we went for a walk down a long walkway with lots of glass so one can see the outdoors. We sat for a while and admired the rose garden. Dad was always a big gardener. After a while I wheeled him back to his room and hugged him good bye. I dread the thought of ever being in his place. It is no way to live. By the end of the day, and after a weekend of dealing with elderly parents, a four year old very energetic princess, and the chaos of a family dinner in a crowded and busy restaurant, I was ready for a quiet Sunday evening before another busy work week.

One of my friends, who shares my love of music, once told me a story. She was sharing her enthusiasm for music with another friend. When she finished sharing her story, the friend said, "I didn't know there were still people like you"! At first she wasn't sure it was a compliment. Later when she shared this story with me I told I would have considered it a compliment. Why? I think her friend recognized her passion. Perhaps the friend didn't understand her passion but he could hear it in her voice. It's a great thing to have passion for something. I sometimes recognize it in myself when I am teaching or discussing spirituality and I also share my friends passion for music. There's so much in life that many of us simply trudge our way through. When we have passion for something it is exciting. When I feel passionate about something I feel more alive. I like it that I can still get excited about something. Whether it's beautiful sunrise, a blazing guitar solo, or a quiet, contemplative moment, I can still be impressed. I love to be in awe and I love to be with others who share my awe. How do you know others share your feelings? You know because you don't have to explain the moment or the feeling to them. I have shared many quiet moments with friends when we all knew no words needed to be spoken. It was enough to share the silence. There have also been many joyful moments in musical settings when I have looked at a friend and the look in our eyes told one another that we were mutually lost in the music and experiencing something like a Vulcan mind meld with the musicians. I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that had a Grateful Dead logo with the words, "If I have to explain you wouldn't understand". Any Deadhead knew what I was talking about. I admit that I struggle with cynicism about much in life. This is much in life that disappoints. However, I am grateful that I can still be in awe, can still be impressed, can still get lost in the moment, can still feel joy, and can still be passionate. I still have fire in my belly and I am grateful for that. When I feel the burn I know I am still alive.

Outside With Chloe

I am typing these thoughts from home before going to work. Most of my evening was spent with my granddaughter, Chloe. My daughter in law needed some Mommy time so my wife and I picked up Chloe at the day care. By the time she left our house I was too tired and brain dead to write. It takes a lot of energy to live life on the level of a child. When she was here we ate spaghetti and meatballs, dunked Oreos into a glass of milk, and spent time outdoors on a nature walk. We talked about ants, chased a few birds, watched some bees in the clover, and picked wild strawberries. We also talked a lot about poop. It was great to see her since we hadn't had any time together since our vacation. The Chloe Experience will continue this weekend. We will be officially celebrating her father's 30th birthday and then she will spend the night. Chloe will celebrate her own birthday in exactly one month. She will be four years old.

During our recent family vacation we ate dinner one night at a restaurant called the Smoky Mountain Brewery. Sometime during the meal my wife dropped a French fry on the floor. Chloe looked at her and said, "Memo, we don't feed the floor"!

What is contentment? Most of us are not overjoyed with every aspect of our lives so we at least hope for contentment. Sometimes I am joyful, occasionally I am happy, but often I simply feel content. But what does that mean? I hope that contentment is more than simple resignation or acceptance of what is. Contentment is surely more than a "whatever" attitude about life. I don't want to just settle for what life has given me. I want my contentment to be wrapped in gratitude. Perhaps contentment is the mature acceptance that life is sometimes joyful, sometimes happy, and occasionally sad. No one is happy all the time although some seem to always live with a joyful spirit even when life is hard. Even joyful people who are often happy cannot escape the occasional sadness of life. Perhaps we are content when we live with an attitude of acceptance for whatever life brings us each day. Perhaps contentment is understanding that some days are better than others but all days, even ones filled with sadness, are a gift. Contentment can also be the acceptance that whatever you have is enough. Contentment may be the absence of obsessive longing for more than you need. Most of my life has been good in the sense that my legitimate needs have been met and many of my desires have been met as well. All in all, life is good.

What is contentment to you? What is happiness? What is joy?

Before enlightenment,I chopped wood and carried water. After enlightenment,I chopped wood and carried water.
-Zen saying

Six Essentials Of A Happy And Balanced Life

Why are some people happy and others not? First of all, it is a choice. Some people choose to be happy despite what goes on around them and to them. Others think they can't be happy until everything is perfect in their lives. Many more always see the glass as half empty instead of half full. It's all a matter of choice and perspective. I do think it helps to have a balanced life. Here are the things I think are important. Every individual must work out how to have and balance these things in their life. For me, they represent the essentials of a happy, balanced, and fulfilling life.

The Six Essentials of a Balanced and Happy Life

Mind. Develop your intellect. Read a book. Learn a new skill. Be open to new things. If you don't use it, you lose it. Rediscover the enthusiasm and curiosity you had as child to learn and discover new things.

Body. Practice wellness. Begin to live a healthy life now. Take care of your body. It is your vehicle through life. Some people take better care of their cars than their own bodies. Don't wait till the damage is done.

Spirit. Be in touch with something bigger than yourself. Have a belief system and a personal code of ethics. Church is great for some but for others it's not. You can still explore the teachings of the great spiritual masters. Check out Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, and others. If nothing else, the golden rule works for everyone. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Practice the religion of kindness and compassion and tolerance.

Work. Give work what it needs and requires. Being a workaholic and working hard are not the same things. Look for work that is satisfying, not only to your bank account, but to your spirit. Work is one of the ways we can share in the creative process of life. Elevate it, in whatever way you can, to something more than just a mundane routine.

Family. Being part of a family who loves you is one of life's greatest gifts. Appreciate it. Strive to make those in your families feel appreciated and loved. Celebrate your family bonds! There's an old saying that goes, "Home is where they have to take you in." Be the kind of person that someone wants to take in.

Self. Take time for yourself. Balance time with others with silence and solitude. Be your own best friend. Enjoy your own company. Look in the mirror and know who you see.

Give all of these things time in your life. Too much or too little of any of them creates an imbalance which can be a source of stress for many people. When our life is in balance, we are at ease with living and happiness finds us.

Living A Zestful Life

Often after the death of a friend or family member, especially when the death is tragic and without warning, it is very common to make a promise to oneself to live better and to appreciate life more. We do this with the best of intentions and pure hearts. As time goes by and the sadness is less intense, we forget our promises and soon we are back to our former ways of living. It's like most every other promise we make to ourselves. We start out strong and then we lose our resolve. The realities of life are often challenging. Our relationships are not everything we hoped for or need, our jobs make us crazy, we don't understand our parents or our children, we're living from payday to payday, and our obligations and responsibilities come from all directions and seem to pull us apart at times. In the midst of all this how do we really renew or begin a life that is full of zest? There are no easy answers but there are things we can do. First of all, we all have problems and challenges. Very, very few people have a truly easy life. Much of life is a matter of attitude. Attitude is a matter of choice. Many of the challenges I listed above would apply to me, in addition to others, but I choose to be happy. Even when life sucks...and it sometimes does...I look for a reason to be grateful. Gratitude keeps me happy. I think many young people are sad because they have not learned to be grateful. I am sad over the death of my friend but I am also grateful because I learned after his death that I was one of the last people he thought about. His brother called and shared this with me. I was truly touched. I could not save him but I had made a difference in his life and that gives me some peace. Of course, gratitude doesn't always have to be about big stuff. It is often the small and little things for which I am most grateful. So, in spite of the challenge and difficulty of always having a zest for living...I get tired of it all, too, sometimes...I will continue to choose happiness and gratitude to guide my life.

Death Of An Icon

The events of the last two days have left me emotionally exhausted. When I left work yesterday I was very tired and I couldn't get home fast enough. Everyday when I leave work I must drive a few blocks to my wife's office and wait for her. At that time of the day five minutes can greatly impact the traffic flow. I waited in the car and tried not to fall asleep. She was fifteen minutes late which put us in bumper to bumper traffic all the way home. I thought I would never get there. By the time I finally got home, cooked dinner, changed clothes, and read the morning paper, I was losing it. Soon I was fast asleep until almost two hours later when my wife walked into the room and asked if I was ready to watch "The Alaska Experiment" on the Discovery Channel. You can measure people's age by how many shows they watch on the Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel, and the Animal Planet. In "The Alaska Experiment" three groups of city dwellers are trying to survive in the Alaskan wilderness. I was freezing the whole time I watched as they trekked through the ice and snow trying to find food. As you might expect, most of them aren't coping well. I was happy to finally get in my warm bed in suburban Kentucky. I spent the next seven hours doing the "Kentucky Experiment" also know as sleeping.

Temporarily lost in the shadow of my friend's death was the death of a rock and roll icon. Bo Diddley died on Monday at age 79. Bo Diddley was only four years younger than my father! Bo Diddley, along with Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly, and Little Richard, was a significant influence on the rock and rollers of my generation. The famous "Bo Diddley Beat" can be heard in many classic rock songs. In honor of this great musician I played his music last night including a recording I have of him playing with the Grateful Dead in 1972 at a venue called The Academy of Music in New York City. Heaven's Rock and Roll Revue now has one more player. Where do the peacemakers go to get peace?-from one of the eulogies given at my friend's funeral

Death Of A Friend

Yesterday was a very long day. I was sad all day and I am still sad this morning. Shortly after arriving at work yesterday I became aware of the sudden and unexpected death of a former co-worker who has remained my friend for a number of years. It was the kind of news that makes you feel like the wind has been knocked out of you. My friend was on my mind all day and most of the day I was in the office in body only as I worked in a daze. The circumstances of his death were tragic and they add to the grief. I still remember the first time we met. He was introduced to me at a staff meeting for the department I worked in at the time. I took one look at him and thought, "We'll never hit it off". He came across to me as a typical corporate geek. Little did I know at the time how much I had misjudged him. He had graduated from Law school but never became a lawyer. When I asked why, he dryly replied, "I could never pass a bar". Not long afterwards we got to know one another better as he suffered through the death of his wife. Life got increasing more difficult for him after that but He seemed to deal with it as well as anyone could. After he left my company he moved to another city but we remained in regular contact. He's been receiving my daily thoughts for years and would occasionally send me a note telling me how much he liked them or how appropriate some thoughts were for him that day. He had an off the wall sense of humor that was much like my own. Even though we weren't part of one another's life on a daily basis I feel a real sense of loss and sadness. He was a wonderful person and many people will miss him terribly. The world is a little more empty without him in it. Later today I hope to attend a memorial service for him. Please keep his children and family in your prayers.

Life And Spirituality

When I went to bed on Saturday night, after attending another family graduation party, I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours. After I finally fell asleep it seemed like only a few moments before my eyes opened and I stared at the ceiling to see the time reflected in large red numbers. It was 5:57 AM and I needed to rise at 6:00 AM to get ready for a drive to the monastery. I very slowly rose from my bed and headed for the shower. It always seems like I feel my worst on days I must make the one hour drive to the monastery. I knew that once I got moving I would be fine. I jumped in and out of the shower, got dressed, and quietly left the house. I stopped at a convenience store, bought an extra large coffee, and headed down I-65. It was the first time in quite a while that it was already daylight as I began the trip. It felt muggy and moist and when I finally turned off the Interstate the sun was shining bright as fog hung in pockets throughout the hills. I sipped my coffee and settled into a peaceful drive on nearly deserted highway. Before going to monastery I stopped off at the home of my friend, Father Dennis, for more coffee, cinnamon muffins, and conversation. Time with Dennis is always fun and we made some plans for a longer visit later in the summer. When I pulled into the parking lot at the monastery I thought there were an unusual number of empty parking spaces. It turned out that the retreat house was full of Buddhist and Christian monks who were at the monastery for a week of discussions on spirituality and the environment. There was an article in yesterday's Louisville Courier-Journal newspaper in the Metro Section if you want to read about it. It's titled "Environment fix a matter of faith".

This past Friday was a slow day at the office so I was able to get away at lunch time and go to a cookout of my father's nursing home. The staff had prepared an outdoor lunch for families of the residents. It was a great experience. When I arrived a nurse was wheeling my Dad down the hallway. I was the first family member there so we sat in the community room and waited for other family members. Eventually we were able to get Dad outdoors where he could feel the sun and wind, not to mention experience the aroma of hamburgers cooking on the grill. Because of his Parkinson's disease poor Dad has been forced to eat all his food only after its been pureed. Trust me, a hamburger and a bun that look like two piles of different colored mashed potatoes is not very appealing, especially when you can smell the various aromas and everyone around you is eating cheeseburgers and hot dogs. Eventually a very kind and patient therapist sat next to my and worked with him to try some more appealing versions of food. He did very well, chewing and eating very slowly, so he will have some dietary changes that will give him a little more quality of life. My father's always had a dry sense of humor which I believe I have inherited. It seems to be blossoming in spite of all the trials and tribulations of being elderly with Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and the other challenges of old age. I think Dad is handling his current situation with great dignity and humor. The staff at the nursing home seems to love him and I am happy he is getting such good care.

Life and spirituality cannot be separated. You can't have one without the other. We have a tendency to compartmentalize our lives and this is often based on the many roles most of us have in our day to day living. Stop and think for a moment about all the roles you fulfill in life. In my life I am a son, a brother, a husband, a father, a grandfather, and a friend. I am also the daily thoughts guy, the run off to the monastery guy, the rock and roller, the employee, the son in law and the brother in law. Occasionally I am nothing and I enjoy this nothingness with its lack of expectations. All of these roles as well as all the nuances and flavors of my personality with my good qualities and sometimes annoying dysfunctions make up who I am. All of these roles combined are my reality. Spirituality is allowing the Spirit into your reality. The "Spirit" in a generic sense can be represented by your personal belief system whether it is Christian, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim or whatever. It's not necessarily the one hour a week you might spend in a church, temple, or mosque. That can certainly be part of it but it is not enough on its own. If spirituality is allowing the Spirit into your reality, then you cannot separate the Spirit from your reality. Your reality is your life. When your reality changes, your life changes with it. The Spirit will adapt to your ever changing reality but it will never be separated from it. I think mature spirituality is when you are not even thinking about it anymore. It becomes like breathing. If I had to consciously think about every breath I took all day I would not have time for anything else. Thank God our brains take care of our breathing and other bodily functions that run 24 hours a day. In the spiritually mature, the "heart" is to our spirit what our brains are to our bodies. If your heart is full of the Spirit, it will guide you in your daily living.