Wasting Time

Taking crazy things seriously is a serious waste of time.
-Haruki Murakami

The older I get the more discriminate I am about what I take seriously. There is a lot of stupidity and foolishness running rampant in the world so I am slow to buy into most things. I know I am cynical by nature but my life experience has shown me that many things in life are like brightly wrapped presents that end up being empty boxes once you take the wrapping off. When I discover someone or something that is real and true and honest I am usually amazed. Since I started writing these daily thoughts I have acquired a fair amount of fans and followers. Some of them elevate me to a status I don’t deserve. Some people who receive these thoughts probably delete them without reading them. Others might read them and think, “Who does this guy think he is? He is so full of himself. Who made him the fountain of all wisdom”? Whatever group you fall into, I respect that. I can honestly say, however, that in a world where I am cynical about much, I strive to be real and true and honest. I’m sure that I fail at all of these things sometimes. I try to share wisdom that will help some people and experiences that other people can relate to in their own lives. I am not the fountain of all wisdom but I share my joys and struggles with the hope it may help some people find their joy as well as let other people know they are not alone in their struggles. I read once that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. With limited success I am trying to be fully human and fully alive so I know what is real and true and honest. When I find people and things that are also real and true and honest, I take them seriously. I try not to waste time with foolish people, foolish ideas, and brightly colored packages that are empty.

Engaging Compassion

The theme of the Dalai Lama’s upcoming visit to Louisville is “Engaging Compassion”. Compassion is an ideal that guides my life. I am an empathetic person. If you have empathy, you understand other people’s feelings. However, understanding other people’s feelings and caring about them are two different things. Compassion is caring about other people’s feelings and doing all you can to reduce their suffering. I will admit that I am no Mother Teresa. I am not actively pursuing opportunities to practice compassion. I believe engaging compassion is being alert to opportunities that allow you to practice it in whatever circumstances present themselves to you in the course of your day. I struggle to understand some people’s lack of compassion and caring. At the bare minimum I would think all people would understand from their own pain and struggles that other people have their own pain and struggles too. Why wouldn’t all of us care about that? All people want to be happy and to have as little suffering as possible in their lives. If a simple act of kindness and compassion on my part can relieve the pain and suffering of a fellow human being, why wouldn’t I want to do that? It is bad enough that there are people in the world who intentionally inflict harm and pain on others. You would think the rest of us would have no problem showing kindness and compassion to everyone we meet. The Dalai Lama says, “If you want to make other people happy, be compassionate. If you want to make yourself happy, be compassionate”.

Light And Hope

I am an idealist, dreamer, romantic, and eternal optimist. This all sounds wonderful but such attitudes often leave me disappointed with people and life. Most of life is very ordinary and mundane. I strive to put meaning into everything but sometimes life is just stuff I got to do or people I must endure. The good news is that even the most humdrum day has moments when the light is shining and life seems good. I try to be awake and aware enough to notice such moments. It can be sunlight after days of rain and overcast skies. It can be the smile of a co-worker, the laughter of a friend, or the joy my granddaughter brings me. It can be one of those hidden moments where everything seems perfect if only for a second. Although some people seem lucky and everything appears to go their way, for most of us life is work. Sometimes I am tired and weary. I have been getting out of bed or leaving my couch to go to work for 46 years. My first job in high school was bagging groceries in a mom and pop grocery store. I am nearly 39 years into a marriage and 35 years into parenthood. Here’s a spoiler alert for those of you with young children: Parenthood never ends as long as you are alive. The good news is that most of us receive enough goodness in our lives that the struggles do not overwhelm us. No matter how weary we may feel, no matter how dark life may seem, no matter how overwhelming it may feel, there is always light and there is always hope. As one of my favorite rock bands, the Grateful Dead, once sang, “Sometime you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right”.

Stages Of Life

Yesterday while reading the Sunday newspaper cartoons I saw one that grabbed my attention. It’s called Pearls Before Swine. The cartoonist gave what I thought was a funny, and somewhat true, summary of life at its various stages. Here are some viewpoints of life from different ages.

• Toddler-Life is unfamiliar.
• Teen-Life is aggravating.
• 20’s-Life is to be conquered.
• 30’s-Life cannot be conquered.
• 40’s-Life has conquered me.
• 50’s-Life, I am starting to figure you out.
• 60’s-Life, I am going to savor every moment of you before it’s too late.
• 70’s-It’s too late.

I must admit that this breakdown of life has been fairly true for me. As I look at the viewpoint of someone in their 60’s, I can better understand my obsession with mindfulness and being in the moment. I do hope the 70’s are not too late for me and everyone else that lives that long. Although the cartoonist makes it sound like one should just give up in their 40’s, I prefer to think that the 40's are a time when one begins to attain some enlightenment and we begin to accept life and roll with it more. It is not something to be conquered or outwitted. We will lose that battle. Life is something to be lived and I believe we can live it better when we just jump into the river and flow with it. I think we start to get that attitude in our 50’s and relish it in our 60’s. If you are still fighting life in your 60’s, you might not make it to your 70’s. Some of the best advice I ever read was to “relax and live”.

What Is Reality?

Once I was riding up the elevator with a co-worker who told me she was having a rough morning. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she added, “No, this is not a bad day, it’s a good day”. I said, “So your original perception that this is a bad morning was all an illusion”? She laughed and I added, “I don’t really know if you are real or an illusion or if the true reality is that we are both still home sleeping in our beds and this conversation is just part of a dream”. I then asked, “Do you think everything you see is the same thing I see”? What is reality? We all know that our individual perceptions of reality can be very different. It is relatively easy to find two people at work doing the same job. One will love the job and the other will hate it. Why is one person’s perception of reality so different from another’s? Sometimes I wonder if my reality is like the movie “The Matrix”. Is everything around me nothing more than a program that is running through my brain? Am I really strapped in a chair with wires coming out of my brain somewhere in an abandoned warehouse on the Jersey shore? For a while after I saw the movie “The Sixth Sense” I wondered if I was dead because there were times when I was interacting with what I perceived as my reality and it seemed as if no one was perceiving me as part of their reality. Anyway, these are the kind of thoughts I have as I toss and turn on sleepless nights. I don’t know if any real people read these thoughts or if anything around me is real but in my perceived reality tomorrow is the beginning of the weekend. Real or an illusion, I am looking forward to it.

Five Simple Rules For Happiness

I came upon this list on a Facebook page called ZenCEO.

Five Simple Rules for Happiness

• Free your heart from hatred.
• Free your mind from worries.
• Live simply.
• Give more.
• Expect less.

I admit that I don’t love everyone. Some people I simply tolerate. However, I can also say that I don’t hate anyone. I also rarely worry. Most women worry so much that men don’t need to do so. My wife has made a career of worrying. I have concerns, and I try to prevent problems, but worry takes up very, very little of my time. Most people learn the value of simplicity as they age. The first half of life is spent gathering. The second half of life is spent letting things go. One learns to find joy in simplicity as one gets older. You learn that less is more. I’ve never had too much money so I usually haven’t had much to give away. However, over the course of my life I have given away many, many material things. If I have something I don’t need, and another person needs what I have, I simply give it to them. Only on a rare occasion have I expected payment for anything. My way of expecting less is to be content with whatever is available or offered. In place of high expectations, I choose to be grateful what whatever I have.

Success

“The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”
-The Dalai Lama

I will be seeing the Dalai Lama in a few weeks and I am very much looking forward to it. Everyone wants to be successful but not everyone agrees on the definition of success. The world measures success by the size of your paycheck, the power you wield, the title you have, the square footage of your office, and who dies with the most toys. Most religions would measure success by how good you are and how much you love those around you. I reject the world’s view and I mostly agree with success being measured by one’s goodness and love in action. I would also add that part of success is being the best version of who you are. We are all unique, we all have something to give, and we all have a part in the great drama of life. Shakespeare said that “all the world’s a stage” and that we are all actors. Success, however, is not acting. Success is being real and true. Being real and being true to who we are is a lifelong journey. Our true selves are often buried deep within us. The journey of life is to uncover who we really are and to be that person. Imagine a world where most people were real and true. It would be a world with more cooperation and less competition. It would be a world with more love and less hate. It would be a world with more peace and less war. It is our obsession with power, prestige, and possessions that creates most of the disharmony in the world. If you are not already being a peacemaker, healer, restorer, storyteller, or a person motivated by love, begin today. Along the way you will find yourself and make the world a better place.