Imagine A Mountain

Imagine a mountain.  Every day the mountain experiences some type of weather.  Some days are bright and sunny and beautiful.  Some days are cloudy and overcast.  Occasionally some days are stormy with heavy rain, thunder, and lightening.  Other days the mountain gets buried in snow.  Our moods and feelings are like the weather.  They come and go and change all the time, often on the same day.  People have a tendency to think their moods and feeling are who they are.  We are not our moods and feelings any more than a mountain is the weather it experiences.  The reality is that each of us is the mountain.  Sometimes I am in a bad mood and I can’t come up with a reason for feeling that way.  Some days I am just in a funk.  When I feel like that I try to remind myself about the weather and I try to just wait out my funk, much like I would wait out a storm.  Others days, again for no particular reason, I feel happy, life is beautiful, and I am walking on air.  On days like that I really try to just enjoy the moment and get lost in it.  I don’t wonder why I am happy or if I deserve to be.  I just thank the universe.  One of my favorite jazz bands is called “Weather Report”.  They picked that name because their music, like the weather, is always changing.  However you’re feeling today, just acknowledge it, and let it go.  If today’s a sunny day, enjoy the warmth on your soul.  If it’s a stormy day, just hunker down until it passes.  If it’s overcast, be patient.  The sun will shine again. 

Finding Our Original Face

Sometimes I find myself asking the question "How do you know when you have become who you are"?   The journey of life is basically a journey to return to your original essence and to become who you really are.  We are born pure and innocent and then we acquire our personalities and other defense mechanisms that we use to shield and protect ourselves from life.  The second half of our life journey, if we are on the path to enlightenment, is spent attempting to take off these masks and to remove the armor that we have acquired in order to rediscover our purity and innocence.  The Buddhists call this "discovering the face we had before we were born".   When I look in the mirror, and during moments of introspection, I wonder how far along I am on this journey of re-discovering who I am.  What is my true essence?  What is my original nature?  It is nearly impossible to know this when you are young.  In our youth it is far more important for us to fit in, to be like others, and find acceptance from others.  We are also too busy building our lives to worry too much about who we are.  This is considerably less important when you get older.  I am still trying to get from behind the masks I wear and to break through the armor I have created to find the real me.   

Work Anniversary

Today I have been with my employer, Humana, for 29 years.  I walked into Humana the first time when I was 34 years old and my hair and beard were brown.  Even after all these years I still feel like a fish out of water.  In the past I have written about how different things were in the old days when I began working there.  Since then technology and processes have changed but many of the problems and challenges remain the same.  Humana has been good to me and I am grateful for my long employment.  I have worked with many wonderful people and made some dear friends.  I have also worked with a few not so wonderful people.  I had to throw that in there for the sake of full disclosure.  When I first came to Humana I had never really worked in an office.  I quickly adjusted and found my way.  Over the years I have adapted, changed, survived, endured, and occasionally thrived.  I believe I have done more good than harm and I hope when I leave there in a couple of years memories of me create laughter.  I have tried to be a leader, a teacher, a mentor, a friend, and a good employee, but most of all I have tried to be a decent and real human being.  In our modern, technological, and connected age, work has gotten out of control in many people's lives.  My success has been limited through my own choice because I have maintained a philosophy of “being at work when I am at work and being at home when I am at home”.  Work is only one slice of the pie of life.  For those of you still building a career, don’t forget to build a life too.     

A Great Weekend

I had a great weekend.  It began on Friday night when I attended a James Taylor concert at the Yum Center.  In general I don’t like the Yum Center.  It is way too big for my tastes.  James Taylor, however, transformed the huge arena into a very intimate setting.  He played every song I wanted to hear and his stories behind the songs were as entertaining as the songs themselves.  The following morning my wife and I got out of bed early for a short road trip.  We drove to Glendale, Kentucky to do some Christmas shopping in the little shops there.  It was the town’s Christmas Open House so everything felt quite festive.  When we were done there we took the back roads to the Abbey of Gethsemani for some more shopping and a visit to the grave of my dear friend, Father Dennis, who is buried there.  The whole day was enjoyable because the weather was great, the autumn leaves were still colorful, and the rural roads provided a calm and very peaceful drive.  The weekend ended with a Sunday afternoon visit from my granddaughter and her Dad.  I cooked her favorite casserole so she was happy.  Everyone else must have been happy, too, because there wasn't much left at the end of the meal.  In all  my busyness the weekend seemed longer than usual and that is never a bad thing.      

We Are All Shining Like The Sun

Once a friend sent me some thoughts about something called the "fear of not measuring up".  In a competitive and driven society such as ours, we all suffer from this fear to some degree.  There are a million ways for it to manifest itself.  It's the fear that you aren't smart enough or aren't pretty enough or aren't successful enough.  It's the fear of not being able to "keep up with the Joneses", that you don't drive the right kind of car or don't live in the right neighborhood, that you didn't go to the right school or you're not a supermom and on and on and on.  It's the fear of being inadequate.  Let's be honest.  Some people are smarter, more successful, and better looking than the rest of us.  That's called "Life's Not Fair".  However, the rest of us are not doomed.  I think we all have unlimited potential if we have the drive and initiative to take advantage of the opportunities given us.  On the other hand I am someone who believes in the idea of contentment.  I always want to be the best possible version of myself but, quite frankly, sometimes I am too tired to be.  I have more stuff than many people but much less than many others.  I can honestly say that I am very content with my standard of living.  I have everything I need to live comfortably and to be happy.  At this point in my life I think more about how I can do with less than with always wanting more.   I'm not a genius but I am far from stupid.  I am happy with who I am and I don't feel inferior to anyone.  I am not perfect but I know I am a good person.  I don't have to beat everyone else in order to feel like I am successful.  It really all boils down to these few questions.  Are you happy?  Is there love in your life?  Are there people and things you care about and other people who care about you?  Are your basic needs being met?  If yes, what more do you want?  If I could paraphrase the words of Thomas Merton, “We are all walking around shining like the sun and we don’t even realize it”.

So Let Us All Be Thankful

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die.  So let us all be thankful.

-The Buddha

 

Looking back these words of the Buddha probably do a good job of summing up the past year.  These words also remind us to always give thanks.  We should been as grateful for the bad things that didn’t happen to us as much as we are for the good things that did.  Of course, every year when we look back we can remember reasons to be happy and reasons to be sad.  Every year we experience new births, rebirths, conversions, transformations, and new ways of seeing things.  Many of us also experience some type of loss.  Relationships can change and sometimes fall apart.  People we care about leave our lives or sometimes die.  Some of us are better off materially and financially and some of us are worse off.  Some of us are in the spring or summer of our lives and others are in the autumn or winter of their lives.  Some of us are gathering in the harvest of our lives while others are letting go and simplifying their life.  Doors close and windows open.  The unfolding of life, year by year, is the great mystery in which we all live.  Soon it will be a new year with new possibilities.  If last year wasn't great for you, perhaps the coming new year can be a year of new hope.  A few years ago I saw the Rolling Stones perform at Churchill Downs.  Keith Richards, a member of the band and a guy who should have died ten times by now, looked out on the crowd and said, "It's really nice to be here.  It's really nice to be anywhere"!  I share his sentiments.  I'm really happy to still be here and I try to remind myself that these are the good old days and the best days of my life are still ahead of me.  Start the rest of your life now by seizing the day and living with a grateful heart.

Grandchildren Are A Gift

I spent the last two days hanging out with my granddaughter.  Ten year old girls have more energy than 63 year old men but I can tell you one thing.  I am a master cinnamon toast maker and bacon cooker.  All in all we have a very nice time together.  By the time you are my age it is challenging to not be a little jaded about life and even my young granddaughter is realizing that life is hard.  In one of our recent conversations she exclaimed “No one understands what it is like to be a ten year old!”  I replied, “I know, honey, and no one understands what it’s like to be a 63 year old either!”  With all the challenges of being a ten year old she still has an enthusiasm for life that I envy.  I love to see her smile, hear her laugh, and watch her get excited about stuff.  I feel blessed that she is such a big part of my life and that I can be a big part of her life.  At my age it is refreshing and challenging to hear a ten year olds perspective on life.  As a grandfather I want to shield and protect her but I know the best thing I can do is teach her and help her understand the realities of life.  God tends to give people what they need in life.  I need my granddaughter and she is a real gift to me.  It is a joy to watch her grow up and to be part of her journey.