Happiness And Catching Watermelons

I feel like I have been beat up. I am sore all over. Why? I haven't exercised or done any manual labor in the last few days. I think the culprit is a little three year girl. Much of the weekend I was picking her up and down, playing with her on the floor, or sitting in my chair catching her as she leaped into my arms from the love seat next to my chair. Sometimes when I am with Chloe I feel like one of those old silver back gorillas on a Animal Planet special. Usually there is an old gorilla just trying to be still and take it easy. However, there is usually one or two young gorillas climbing all over him. Eventually the old gorilla gets tired of it and flings them off of him. Catching Chloe reminds me of an experience in my youth. I was a teenager and I had been out drinking with my friends. The next morning I didn't feel so hot but I still had to go to work. In those days I worked in a grocery store. When I got to work I tried to keep a low profile. Unfortunately the boss spied me and gave me the job of going outside and catching watermelons that some old farmer was going to toss me from a truck. I had to catch these huge watermelons and stack them outside the grocery store. A few times they were so big and the old farmer threw them with such force that he almost knocked me down! The whole time I was doing it I silently vowed that I would never drink again. Of course, it was a promise to myself that I didn't keep, at least not for a while.

The Sunday newspaper has an article entitled "Being happy can be elusive". It basically said that today's people, despite all their wealth and comforts, are no happier than people in the past with less money and fewer comforts. It stated that there are three types of happiness. There's the "good day" when you do not have to spend too much time in tasks of drudgery and you can indulge in some things that bring pleasure. Most of my worst days are "good days". There is "euphoria", which is an intense and fleeting state that involves some risk. An example of this for me is putting up with all the hassle of going to a concert and being rewarded with some great musical performances. Finally, there's your basic "happy life" which requires hard work, striving, nurturing, maintaining, mourning, and birthing. This is the ongoing and lasting happiness that requires some effort on our part. The article goes on to describe some "happiness habits" that we need to form in order to do the work of being happy.

Here are fa few examples....

Figure out what's important to you. Do you value a certain kind of job, material things, a relationship, time alone, time with others, time to relax, time to be creative, time to read, time to listen to music, or time to have fun?

To be happy you have to make happiness a priority. Decide to make more time in your life to do more of what's important to you and makes you feel happier. Start with little things and work up. Little things might be reading for 15 minutes, taking a walk, calling a friend, or buying a great smelling soap, shampoo, candle, tea, or coffee that you will enjoy every time you use it.

Focus on what is positive. In a journal write down as many positive things as you can about yourself, others, and life in general.

Appreciate what is working in your life. In the major areas of your life...your health, job, love life, friends, family, money and living situation...what is going well?

Into Great Silence

I was able to get home a little early on Friday afternoon and have some quiet time alone. I decided to use the time to watch a film entitled "Into Great Silence". It was a 3 1/2 hour film about the Carthusian monastery called La Grande Chartreuse in France. The film was mostly in silence. What few words were spoken were in French with English subtitles. All other sounds were natural sounds such as rain falling, bells ringing, monks chanting or the day to day sounds of everyday life. This film was not a documentary in the traditional sense. I found it to be visual poetry. It was a 3 1/2 meditation on silence and solitude and the mystery of God. No one could call this film exciting but I was mesmerized by it. The Carthusian monks are the most austere and strict monastic order in the Catholic Church. Very few people are called to such a life. I was happy, however, on a quiet and solitary afternoon in my life, to get a glimpse into their life. I find it a comfort that there are such people living such a life.

I was reminded of the monks as I lay in my bed on Friday night. There was a delightful rainstorm in my little corner of the world. The day had cooled enough for me to open my bedroom window so I could enjoy the sound. Can it get any better than going to bed on a Friday night with the pouring rain outside your window and the alarm clock turned off?

Much of my Saturday was spent doing the great grandparent tour. I was also able to see my sister who is here from New York. We had Chloe with us so everyone could see her as well. She and I spent some time running around in my parents backyard. As a result we both ended up with bug bites on our bare legs. By the end of the night I was very tired. As usual, Chloe slept like a log beside me as I clung to the edge of the bed. At 7:45 AM on Sunday I was downstairs watch Madagascar. I guess she's temporarily burned out on Ice Age...The Meltdown. By the time she left on Sunday afternoon, I was really, really tired. When she left with her father I was home alone again. I sat in my chair and allowed myself to be wrapped in the peace and quiet even though my living room looked like a war zone. Now it is Monday morning again and the start of a new week. According to the weatherman it promises to hot and dry week with temperatures in the low 90's all week. When I feel the heat I would mentally transport myself to La Grande Chartreuse. Much of the film was shot in the winter when deep snow surrounded the monastery and covered the mountains and nearby forests.

The Passing of a Generation

In recent months a number of monks at the monastery have died. They were all elderly. Most monks die of old age. These monks and others who are still living are the last of their kind. Their deaths signal the end of an era. What is so special about them besides their holiness? These are the monks of my father's generation. Many of them served our country during World War II. They came home from the war somewhat disillusioned as many battle weary soldiers are. They were looking for some meaning in life after witnessing such horrors as the Nazi concentration camps and the devastation of much of Europe. In their search for meaning they turned to God and hundreds flocked to monasteries. All of these now elderly monks were in their prime when I was very young man living in the monastery. They were my role models for holiness. They are still an inspiration to me. When I attend mass with the monks I see them with their wheelchairs and walkers. Even in their old age and infirmity they are still faithful to the call and the inner voice that led them to Gethsemani so many years ago.

Last evening I picked up my granddaughter at the daycare. I really didn't need to do so because my daughter in law got off work in plenty of time to do it herself. I still wanted to do it. Why? It's very simple. I love her. I enjoy being with her and talking with her and playing with her. It keeps me young. Plus, I figure Chloe's mom can always use a break.

The weeks fly by at a dizzying pace. This work week has gone by almost as fast as a weekend. The weekend promises to be a busy one. My sister is here from New York. Chloe will be over for the night on Saturday. My wife needs to visit her mother and I need to take Chloe over to see my parents and sister. By the time Chloe leaves on Sunday and we have fulfilled all out family obligations, my couch will be difficult to resist on Sunday afternoon!

Why Does Life Always Seem To Work Out For Me?

I am not sure why but life always works out for me. Is it because I am a generally positive and optimistic person? Is it because I always try to put out positive vibrations? Is it because I have a playful and light hearted approach to life? All of this could be true. However, I believe a big part of my good fortune is that I really strive to live with a grateful heart. I am not just talking about being grateful for life's big windfalls. I am speaking of a gratitude that appreciates all of life and its simple pleasures and joys. In a world, and more specifically a culture like ours, there will always be more than we can ever have. As the comedienne Steven Wright says, "You can't have everything. Where would you put it"? Even if we can't have everything, we all have so much. The least in our society has more than most in the world. Of course, I am not just talking about material things. I am talking about family and friends and laughter and love and joy and happiness. On my worst day I can find things to be grateful about. On a material level I am just an average middle class guy. On the level of true riches, I am quite wealthy. Happiness and joy and love and the enjoyment of life doesn't mean you will have a life with no problems or pain. I have had my share, though perhaps not as many or as much as some. Happiness is not something you find after a long search. It is something you discover within the life you have now. Happiness is not having what you love. Happiness is loving what you have. I have much of what is really important in life and I believe all of you do as well. If you think not, you haven't found it yet. Look more deeply into your life and find the hidden treasures. They may be right before you!

Ordinary Time

Once again it is late night as I write these thoughts. I have had a pleasant evening. Earlier, after a day at work, I picked up my granddaughter, Chloe, at her day care. We are always happy to see one another. I enjoy these mid week visits and I am very happy that I can be such a part of her life and she a part of mine. Yesterday I shared how spending some of my youth living in a monastery helped form me into who I am. Now, in my middle years, I am being formed by a small, blue eyed girl. She has opened my tired eyes and filled me with renewed zest for living. Sometimes I wonder who's the teacher. It is me or her? Whatever the case I have very happy to have her in my life.

Most of my evening was spent alone. I was very happy and content to clean up the kitchen and finish the laundry. The music room I have sometimes mentioned is nearby so I can easily do these things in the company of music and with my chair close at hand. In between loads of laundry, putting away clean dishes, and loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher, I spent time gathering some of my favorite music to share with a friend. If you are a music fanatic like me, and you meet another music fanatic, it's like finding a brother or sister that you were separated from at birth. There's an immediate connection and it's lots of fun to get to know one another and to share the joy of music.

Although I am sure there are hot days still ahead of us, we have been having wonderfully cool and beautiful mornings. As I walk across the roof of my parking garage on the way into my office I find myself bathing in the beauty of these mornings and dreaming of Autumn.

Just as the waters of the great oceans all have one taste, the taste of salt, so too all true teachings have but one taste, the taste of liberation.
-Buddha

My Life...Then And Now

While I was visiting my father on Sunday he asked how long I would have been in the monastery if I had not left. If I was still there I would have been a monk for 35 years. I do not regret leaving the monastery because in many ways I have not left. The monastery and the monks are still a part of my life. Although I did not end up as a monk, much of who I am was formed by that experience. I have wondered from time to time what kind of monk I would have turned out to be if I had stayed. Would I be happy and well adjusted or could I have turned out to be a self absorbed narcissist? I probably wouldn't be exactly who I am today. Although the raw material of who I am as a person would be the same, how that would have been shaped by 30+ years of monastic life versus the same amount of time in marriage and family life would differ. Monastic life has its own set of challenges but most of them are the internal struggle of facing your own nothingness. My life in the world has also been filled with similar internal struggles but also coupled with the basic struggles of surviving in the world, being faithful to a marriage and trying to raise two sons to become good and decent human beings. Monastic life is a life lived in community and if lived well this community is a great support to the monk's personal journey. If lived badly an individual can get lost in the community and avoid many of the challenges of living with others. This can happen in family life, too, but I think it may be a little more difficult to get "lost" in a much smaller living environment when your spouse shares your bed and the children are right across the hall. Every life, whether you are a monk or a husband and father, requires dedication, discipline, and perseverance. No lifestyle is easy all the time and all are challenging much of the time. Spending time in a monastery taught me a different way of looking at life and afterwards I did see things differently. Elements of the monastic life followed me into my life as a husband and parent. When I was in the monastery, and still today, monks get up in the middle of the night to pray. They gather in church everyday at 3:15 AM. Believe it or not, it's not too bad once you get used to it. I still do it when I go there on visits. Of course, after leaving the monastery I thought my days of getting out of bed at 3:00 AM were over. I was wrong. I still remember an early experience of parenthood when my oldest son, Chloe's father, was an infant. I was awakened from a deep sleep by his cries. It was time for a feeding. I prepared the bottle and sat on the end of my bed holding him and feeding him. I looked at my clock. It was 3:15 AM! I was still doing night vigils. In those long ago days in the monastery I was Brother Dominic. Today I am Pa Paw. It's not a bad trade off.

My Father And The Funk Brothers

When the alarm went off this morning I couldn't believe it was already Monday again. The good news is that it is a beautiful morning.

I spent some of my Sunday afternoon sitting with my father. He is 82 years old and has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. He cannot be left alone so whenever my 77 year old mother needs to get away, someone must sit with my father. It was an enjoyable experience. He sleeps a lot these days but he is still coherent. Sometimes he seems to not be present but he is still with us in body and mind. The Parkinson's is not advanced. He can still get around with a walker but he moves very slowly. A trip to the bathroom is a very long journey. He asked me about my children and their lives so I filled him on all the happenings going on with them. I mentioned the monastery and he had many questions about how the monastery was doing. He said he would like to visit it again but I do not believe he would be up for the trip. At one point I think we were both taking naps. It would have been interesting if my mother and Aunt had walked in on us while we were sleeping. He is an older version of me and I am a younger version of him. Without my beard, I look like his clone although he is a bigger man than me. All in all it was a quiet and uneventful afternoon and I'm sure my mother was happy to get a way for a while with her sister.

Last night I watched a very interesting documentary on the Funk Brothers. Who are the Funk Brothers? They are the musicians who played on all the great Motown songs and other sounds coming out of Detroit in the late 60's and early 70's. They were the unsung heroes of the great songs by people like Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, the Four Tops, The Supremes, Smokey Robinson, Stevie Wonder and all the other great singers of Motown. I never saw most of the great Motown artists but I did see the original Temptations and the Four Tops perform. Although I was mainly a hippie and a rock and roller, I always thought the Motown sound was great, too. I couldn't even begin to list the great artists and songs that came from the city of Detroit. I lived in the city of Detroit in 1970-71 and I believe I did drive by the original Motown "Hit Factory" at least once.