Connections

I think most of us would agree that we want love in our lives. If we feel unloved, or if we have no one to love, everything else in life kind of pales. I believe that in order to feel love or to be loved we need to feel a sense of connection with other people. There are many kinds of love. Many people think of romance when they think of love but that is only one kind of love. We may feel love or a sense of connection with many people. If we are lucky we might feel love and a sense of connection with a significant other. However, not everyone experiences this. We may love some people but not necessarily feel a deep connection. We may also feel connected to some people but never think in terms of loving them. Even if you take the idea of love out of the equation, I still believe we seek and need connectedness with others. Why do so many of us need to belong to groups outside of our families? In most cases it is because we need a sense of connection with others who may share an interest or hobby. Certainly I feel a sense of connectedness with my personal family as well as my extended family. They are my home base and provide stability in my life. I also feel a sense of connectedness with the many spiritual friends I know from my connection to the monastery. I feel a sense of connection with my small, but intimate, circle of friends who share my love of music and I feel a sense of connection with people with whom I regularly share a meal. I also feel a sense of connection with many co-workers and certainly all those who read my daily thoughts. I admit, however, that I am not the kind of person who runs around and tells everyone how much I love them and I do feel more affection for some people than I do for others. I think I qualify as a "hugger" but I don't want to be hugged or kissed by everyone. My personality and upbringing make some connections and emotional feelings easy for me while other connections and emotional feelings are more difficult to handle. I can express myself much better in the written word than with the spoken word and I hope my actions speak louder than all my words in the ways I connect with others. I am very grateful that I feel connected to other people and I hope they feel connected to me. When you do not feel connected to other people, then you are disconnected from life and from love. No one wants to be disconnected and out there all alone. It is one of our biggest fears.

Doesn't it feel great to cross the threshold of your home after a long day at work? My daily life at work is usually not too bad but even a good day can be exhausting. Each afternoon after my workday is over, I walk down eleven flights of stairs and through the park to the parking garage. When I settle into my car and turn the key I breathe a sigh of relief and say a prayer of gratitude that it's time to go home. I drive a few blocks to my wife's office and wait for her. Many days, when she gets into the car, she looks at me, sometimes laying her head on my shoulder, and says, "Mike, we've got to get out"! I know what she means and why she says it. As two people in their mid fifties, we've spent most of our adult lives working and making all the changes and adaptations that modern work requires. There is a point where the weariness sets in. It's a kind of battle fatigue. Returning home each day is like finding your base camp where there is relative safety, food, a warm fire, and a place to sleep. My home, in spite of all its imperfections, is my castle and refuge. When I was young, especially when I was still living with my parents, I couldn't get out of the house fast enough. I wanted my freedom. Now that I am older I can't get home fast enough. Some days I don't want to leave my home. Every night, after cleaning up and changing my clothes, I quickly find my way downstairs to my little hideaway where I sit in my chair, listen to music, and read the morning paper. More often than not, I fall asleep soon afterwards. I feel like Bilbo Baggins in his little Hobbit Hole. Dorothy was right when she told the Wizard of Oz, "There's no place like home"!

Sometimes Pipes Don't Drain

I absolutely love spending a day home alone in the middle of the work week. In keeping with my long standing tradition to take off the day after an evening out, I was out of the office yesterday. On Tuesday night I went to a very small concert in a very intimate venue. I believe the building was a renovated church. It was part art museum, part performance hall. I had never been there before and it was nice to experience a new place. With my friends, Josh and Bridget, I saw an artist named Chris Smither. He has been around for a while but I only recently became familiar with his work. He is a singer and finger picking style guitarist and songwriter, with a very unique foot tapping style, who specializes in acoustic blues and folk music. It was a very enjoyable evening.

While standing at my sink yesterday, washing out my coffee pot, I couldn't help but notice a yellow tint in the tree leaves in my backyard and those of my neighbors. Much of my backyard is already covered in leaves. Yesterday the temperature was in the 70's most of the day. Autumn is in the air. We still have some hot weather ahead of us, and summer will not go gently into that good night, but the transition from one season to another has begun. It's one of the things I like best about living in Kentucky. We get to experience all four seasons. My favorite is autumn and I look forward to an increasing number of cool mornings and beautiful days.

Nothing brings life to a halt faster than plumbing that doesn't work properly. Recently the tub in my bathroom began showing signs of a sluggish drain. Like most people I was hopeful that a little Liquid Plumber would fix the problem and life would once again flow as it should. However, like every other time I have used Liquid Plumber in my life, it did not work. I finally had to make the call that everyone dreads. The plumber needed to be called so he could perform his exorcism on the demon living in my drain. So, in the midst of enjoying my day off, I had to wait for the plumber. I am always nervous when workers come to my house. First of all I am afraid that I will fall asleep and be out like a light when they knock on the door. When I don't hear them they will go away and bill me later for doing nothing. My biggest fear, however, is the unknown. Every time I have ever had a worker come to my house, I have one of the following experiences.

The seemingly simple problem that generated my house call is only the tip of the iceberg of a much larger problem.

Whatever my problem is the workman says "I've never seen anything like this before".

My warranty doesn't cover the problem.

The bill is $400 when I budgeted $100.

Yesterday my brand new warranty that I have been making monthly payments on would not authorize or approve what the plumber recommended. My drainage problem was a little more serious than a simple clog that could be "snaked" away. We were talking replacing pipes, cutting holes in walls, replacing drywall, etc. What would life be without problems and challenges? Well, I think it would be very nice. I think life would be wonderful if drains never clogged and toilets never overflowed. Guess what? That's never going to happen. One must accept the good and the bad. My house and my body are approximately the same age. Both could use a little work and both have drains that don't work as well as they used to do.

A Life Of Faith

There are few people in the world, Christian and non Christian alike, who didn't think Mother Teresa was a saint. We tend to think that all holy people are filled with inner peace and absolute certitude about God's love and presence. A book has been published recently, based on 40 years of Mother Teresa's letters to her spiritual director, that makes us aware that her actual experience of God was filled with doubt, questions, and a great spiritual dryness that was anything but comforting. In spite of this she spent much of her life ministering to the dead and dying of Calcutta. Her example inspired many to follow her and they now work around the world in some of the poorest and most destitute places. Mother Teresa lived a true life of faith. She remained true to the path of life on which she was placed in spite of her doubts and spiritual emptiness. Those of us who believe in God want to feel good about it. We want our belief to comfort and sustain us. We want to feel the life of God within us. What if our faith does none of that? I often think of the Israelites who witnessed the power and intervention of Yahweh as He led them out of Egypt. I also think of the Apostles and others who lived with and interacted with Jesus. Even with these direct and very personal experiences of God they all faltered, wandering in the desert and running at the first sign of trouble. Yet, Mother Teresa, with no such direct experience of God as far as we know, stayed faithful to God and the difficult path she was called to walk. When you think about it, isn't this what faith is really all about? Though God can choose when and how He might reveal himself to us, much of the faith journey is walking down a dark path in a cloud of unknowing. I believe that Mother Teresa was a saint and a holy woman and that she now experiences the light that was hidden from her in life. If we are blessed with some spiritual light and insight, we must remember the words of another holy woman, Teresa of Avila, the 16th century Spanish mystic, who said "We must remember in darkness what we once experienced in the light".

Breakfast With Katie

It was another busy but very enjoyable weekend. They sure go by quickly! I woke up early on Saturday morning eager to meet my old friend, Katie, for breakfast. We has not seen one another in 38 years. Even though we've had some email correspondence and she's been getting my daily thoughts for a few years I wondered what it would be like to actually see her after so many years. I stood in front of the restaurant and waited for her. As soon as she drove into the parking lot I knew it was her. She didn't look that different to me, just a little older. As soon as we saw one another we had a big hug and when we were seated in the restaurant we just looked at one another for a few minutes. She seemed as happy to see me as I was to see her. Her personality and smile were exactly as I remembered them and she remembered my laugh. It was like no time at all had passed. Conversation was easy and we both laughed a lot. She reminded me that it was me who taught her how to drive a stick shift on my old VW Beetle. This is not the first time I have reconnected with someone from my past. Each time it has been a wonderful experience. I find it very nice to renew a friendship with someone who was a significant part of my life at one time. For me, it has been great to bring the past into my present. It has been easy for me because I am not the kind of person who has left a trail of broken and painful relationships nor have I ever burned bridges. Sometimes life and time separated me from people. It was never intentional for me and I doubt for them either. About half way through breakfast my prearranged surprise for Katie showed up. Yes, it was Chloe. When we spoke earlier in the week she asked about the possibility of meeting Chloe and I told her I would see what I could do. As you can imagine, Chloe was a big hit. Later, after my son left, an old lady came up to our table and told Katie and me what a lovely child we had! So, do not be afraid of your past. It can be the gift that keeps on giving. Live your present life in such a way that someday it, too, will be a gift from the past.

After breakfast on Saturday, Chloe came home with Pa Paw. Her best question of the weekend came on Sunday morning. We were still in bed when she said, "Pa Paw, why is Meemo saying it's too early to talk"? Someday Chloe will understand that Granny isn't a morning person. Fortunately, I am, so I enjoy it when Chloe shakes me awake and greets me with one of her world class smiles. When she does it we usually snuggle for a little while and we lay in bed and talk until we decide to go downstairs. After that we don't see Granny for hours. Yesterday, after we got up and made "Pa Paw's coffee", and Chloe's Strawberry "pink chocolate" milk, we sat in my chair and watched Walt Disney's version of Rudyard Kipling's "The Jungle Book".

What is prayer? Most people would answer that prayer is talking to God. This is correct but it is not the entire answer. There are many kinds of prayer. Prayer as talking to God may be the most common form of prayer. Contemplative prayer, however, is more about listening to God. Instead of going to God with a laundry list of needs, one simply sits before God and says, "Here I am, Lord!" Contemplative prayer is more about listening and waiting than talking. It is sitting before God as an empty cup waiting to be filled. Too often we go before God as an empty cup with our wish list of what we want God to put into our cup. In contemplative prayer we sit and wait and offer our emptiness to God. We let God choose how we are best to be filled. In Psalm 42, we hear, "Be still and know that I am God". If you want to pray in a more contemplative way, find a quiet spot and simply sit. Be silent and still. Wait for God and he will come to you. Do this a couple of times a day, preferably before you start your daily work and again when your work is done. Twenty minutes each time is a good start. Be silent, be still, and breathe. There is a famous story about a priest who, every time he goes into his church, sees an old man sitting looking towards the tabernacle. Finally, after seeing the old man many times, the priest asks him, "What are you doing"? The old man said. "I look at Him and He looks at me". The famous mystic Meister Eckhart said, "The eye with which we look at God is the same eye with which God looks at us".

Music Shows On The Horizon

MY wife is really into the Olympics and I'm not so for the last week or so I've had a lot of unsupervised time. For the most part I've been a good boy. I've listened to music, read books, got on the computer, watched a little television, or stared into space. Last night, however, I had the deep realization that I am very happy today is Friday. After I read the newspaper I stretched out on my couch and within minutes I was out like a light! For approximately two hours I was lost in a dream marathon. It was one of those deep, out of this world kind of naps where the accumulated fatigue of the week took over and when I woke up I didn't what day it was, what time it was, and I really wasn't sure what planet I was on. I'm happy to report that I woke up back on earth. I must have found my way back through the correct time portal so I am here today.

Saturday morning I am meeting someone for breakfast. Who? I am meeting Katie. Who is Katie? Well, I have mentioned her before in my daily thoughts. Katie was my girlfriend in the summer of 1970. Although Katie and I reunited a few years ago through email, we have not seen one another in 38 years! 1970 is a little blurry to me looking back from 2008. I don't think Katie and I were the romance of the century but we were 19 years old, young, carefree, and had little responsibility. At age 19 we were old enough to have some freedom from our parents but still young enough to not be filled with worries, concerns, and obligations. We were young hippies so we focused on fun and much of the summer was spent attending various musical events. I did talk to Katie on the telephone earlier this week and she still sounded like that 19 year old girl I remember from 1970. I am a lot older now and so is she but I bet there will be a lot of laughter on Saturday morning.

I've got some big musical events coming in October. Sometime between now and then I might need to get a job as a Wal-Mart greeter or as that person in Fazoli's that hands out extra breadsticks so I can pay for all of this. My first event is David Byrne. He is most famous as the founder and leader of a band called Talking Heads. Sometime in the 80's David Byrne was on the cover of Time magazine as rock and roll's "Renaissance Man". He received this honor because he is talented in so many areas but especially in the creation eclectic music. My next musical event is called "Experience Hendrix". It will be at the Center for the Arts. It is a concert where a group of famous musicians play the songs of Jimi Hendrix. I saw the real Jimi Hendrix twice. The first time was in 1968 with my friend, Tom, at the Cincinnati Gardens. We both got in a little trouble because we cut school, picked up our girlfriends, and drove to Cincinnati in my 1962 VW. The parents weren't too happy the next day. It was a very expensive concert. The tickets were $5.00 a piece. I still have mine. The next time I saw Jimi Hendrix, Tom was there again and so was Katie. It was 1970 and we were at the Atlanta Pop Festival. We were there with 500,000 other hippies. Two of the musicians that will be at the "Experience Hendrix" tribute are Mitchell and Billy Cox. These are the men that played drums and bass with Hendrix at that 1970 show as well as a small show the year before called Woodstock. Also playing at the "Experience Hendrix" show are Buddy Guy, the great bluesman, Kenny Wayne Shepard, a young white guy that can really play the blues, David Hidalgo and Cesar Rojas of the band Los Lobos, and Hubert Sumlin who is another blues giant that played with Howlin Wolf and Muddy Waters and Chris Layton who played with Stevie Ray Vaughn. I can't wait for this night!Speaking of rock and roll, Chloe is spending the night on Saturday. She will work me like a mule.

No More Fear

My good friend, Father Dennis, called me last night and we talked for over an hour. We had some serious conversation but he also had me in hysterics, laughing to the point that I almost forgot to write any daily thoughts. When I realized it I made a cup of coffee, grabbed one of the books I am reading, and sat at my keyboard. Thankfully, I at least had a topic that I wanted to write about. Of course, when I first sat down and put my hands on my keyboard, all I had was a topic. My mind was totally blank. Many of my daily thoughts start out that. I begin with a complete void. Eventually I take a leap into the darkness and most of the time words begin to flow. One word turns into a sentence. One sentence connects with another. Soon I have a paragraph. Abracadabra! I have daily thoughts for one more day.In The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, there is a wonderful section entitled "The Origin of Fear". I would love to quote the entire chapter but it's too much to type so let me give you what I think are the highlights.

The psychological condition of fear is divorced from any concrete and true immediate danger.

Fear comes in many forms, i.e., unease, worry, anxiety, nervousness, tension, dread, phobia and so on.

This kind of psychological fear is always of something that might happen, not of something that is happening now.

You are in the here and now while your mind is in the future. This creates an anxiety gap.

If you are identified with your mind and have lost touch with the power and simplicity of the now, that anxiety gap will be your constant companion. You can always cope with the present moment, but you cannot cope with something that is only a mind projection. You cannot cope with the future.

Our bodies are constantly receiving messages from our minds that we are in danger and under threat. The emotion generated by this message is fear.

Anyone who is always identified with their mind will always have fear as their companion.

Very few people have learned to be disassociated from their own minds. Therefore, in our fearful states, we are also surrounded by many other people who are living in fear. Fear feeds on fear.

I read in the newspaper the other day that more and more bears are coming into Anchorage, Alaska. Being chased down Main Street by a hungry and ornery grizzly bear would fill me with fear. However, very few people, if any, have actually had this experience so it's illogical to never visit Anchorage, Alaska because this might happen to me. In fact, when I think about it, I have rarely had moments that were cause for justified fear. One of the few I remember was being trapped in a car that I thought might burst into flames. When I thought that might happen, I did have a moment of real panic. Even on some occasions when my mind told my body to have a minor panic attack, I knew I was in no real danger. It was all a mind game being played on my emotions. I have a small Chinese saying taped on my computer at work. It simply says, "What is lacking at this moment"? Well, when I think about it, the answer is nothing. When I am sitting at my computer at work it means I have a job. I am cooled from the summer heat. I have a nice cup of coffee. My fan blows its gentle breeze across my face. I can listen to my favorite music. I might even have a smile on my face from a funny email sent to me by a friend. I'm not even lacking freedom. If I really needed to leave work, I could. 99.9% of the time, nothing is lacking at the moment. Most worry is about things that might happen but often do not. I am not lost in Zen bliss here. Sometimes bad things really do happen and in the moment of their occurrence we may feel real fear. However, I bet if the average person added up all the days of their lives and then added up all the days where there were real events justifying real fear, the days of justified fear would be minimal.

Today's homework is as follows: Imagine living your life without fear. Say no to the mind games. Live in the now and be grateful for all the bad stuff that isn't really happening. Do not live in fear. Live in joy.

The Simple Solution

At some point in my career, after working on a variety of projects, I came to the conclusion that some people in my company love complexity. In many discussions people seemed wary of simple answers. It seemed that if the answer wasn't complex, then it couldn't be the right answer. Albert Einstein, however, said something to the effect that when we discover what we think is the answer to the mystery of the universe, if it isn't simple, it's probably the wrong answer. I'm probably going to side with Albert Einstein on this one. If he and I are wrong, then I will use his theory of relativity to escape to another time. Seriously, I really do believe that most things in life are simple. For example, thousands of books have been written about the spiritual life. Some are so complex I do not understand them. I do not think the spiritual life is complicated. I think it's simple but difficult. Love and compassion are not complicated. You either practice them or you don't. It's easy to love my granddaughter. It's more challenging to love someone who annoys me to death. I feel great compassion for the truly needy. It's more challenging to feel compassion for the lazy and unmotivated. Pope John XXIII, famous for his wisdom, once said, "Make simple what is complicated and don't complicate what is simple". Simple solutions are not necessarily ignorant ones. Simple solutions don't always come from simple minds. Complex answers are not always a sign of deep intellect. I say all of this with the knowledge and understanding that some things in life truly are complicated and there are appropriate responses to life's challenges that can be complex. However, don't let a desire to impress others with your complicated solutions always override what might just be a simple and common sense solution to a problem. Before you call the TV repair man, make sure it's plugged in. Once I had my car towed because it wouldn't start. It didn't need a complicated engine overhaul. It just needed gas.