Random Thoughts Volume XXIV

Spring is here. The daffodils are in full bloom along the interstate highway. The yellow flowers of the forsythia bushes are all over town. Trees and bushes are full of green buds and the dogwoods are blooming. However, at this moment the temperature is in the 30's and my furnace is working to warm my house. Welcome to spring in Kentucky.

Did you see the super moon last Saturday night? My granddaughter and I went outside and stood in the middle of the street gazing up into the sky. The moon looked huge in it's fullness and it was very bright. The entire neighborhood was bathed in it's glow.

I rode up the elevator earlier this week with three women who were all trashing men. I guess they didn't notice me standing in the elevator. It confirms my suspicions. I really am invisible.

My wife informs me that Chloe tried to pee standing up while she was at our house last weekend. It didn't work out very well. You may remember that I recently told her that girls can do anything that boys can do. Her response was that "We can't pee standing up".

"Never waste time doing anything when you could be sleeping".

Last Sunday the commentator Ben Stein used this quote on a discourse about American's chronic lack of sleep. Some of you may remember Ben Stein as the teacher in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" which is one of my favorite movies. Like most people I am sleep deprived. On workdays I stay up too late and I am forced to get up too early. Most nights I take a nap even though I don't really want to do so. I would rather be awake so I can enjoy my evening. When I do awaken from my nap I am usually in the Twilight Zone for an hour or so. Sometimes at work I am afraid to blink because I am fearful my eyes will not re-open. The only way I can usually stay awake is to keep moving. Mr Stein says the root cause of most of our problems is a lack of sleep. I believe him. When I am tired my mind is dull, my body is barely functioning, my mood can be grouchy, and I am not a productive human being. The solution seems simple. Just go to bed earlier. However, we live in a 24 hour, non stop culture. I remember in my childhood that the television stations actually went off the air every night. There was a time when no stores were open on Sundays. Most people lived their lives based on the rising and the setting of the sun. Those days are gone and we are poorer for it.

It's been a while since I talked about Zen, contemplation, and wonder. My simple definition of Zen is being where you are and doing what you are doing. This is very challenging when you are somewhere you don't want to be, doing something you don't want to do and it can be a challenging when you are somewhere you want to be, doing something you love. Most of us have "monkey minds" where our thoughts bounce around all over the place and we are rarely in the moment. Contemplation is an experience of oneness and clarity. You may feel one with God, or the universe, and for just a moment everything makes sense and you have some clarity about life. I had an experience of wonder last night. I was grilling some dinner on my back porch. While the food was cooking I sat in a chair, looked at my Buddha statue, and listened to my wind chimes. I love them because they have deep tones that sound like temple bells. While I was sitting in my chair, motionless, one of the squirrels that lives in my backyard walked right up to my chair. I could have leaned down and petted him. I looked at him and he looked a me. I wondered if he recognized that I am the person that puts food out for him and all the birds? I've never had a squirrel come that close to me. The moment was really a combination of Zen presence, contemplative union, and childlike wonder. Then the squirrel ran away and I took dinner into the house.

One of my favorite rock bands is a group called "Yes". They have a CD and a song called "Open Your Eyes". This title could be a mantra for life. Yesterday my writing came up in a conversation with some co-workers. I admitted that I sometimes struggle wondering what to write about. I often repeat myself with topics but when I do I try to think of new and fresh ways to say things. There is nothing new under the sun whether it be fashion, music, or ideas. I doubt if anything I have ever written was truly an original thought. However, as I go through my life I try to open my eyes so that I see things in new ways. In many ways life doesn't change all that much while in other ways it changes a great deal. What usually changes and what should change is our perspective. On Saturday I will be 60 years young. I can assure you that I see life with a different perspective now than I did when I was 20 years old. I can also assure you that within every older person is a young person wondering what the hell happened. I'm in a little disbelief that I will be 60. In my mind I am still 25. Of course, if I said this to my wife she would look at me and say "Open Your Eyes" and look in the mirror. My granddaughter once asked me how old she would be on her next birthday. After I told her she asked me how old I would be on my next birthday. When I told her "60" she looked at me like she couldn't quite comprehend that number. Then she said, "Does that mean you will get a walker like the "Old Paw Paw"? I admit that I am moving a little slower these days but I'm not quite at the walker stage of life.

I was really caught off guard in my office today. I came to work and found my cubicle decorated with birthday stuff. This alone was a surprise. Later in the morning I attended what turned out to be a fake meeting with my boss. While he distracted me, my office staff, as well as all my work at home staff, gathered in a conference room to prepare a birthday lunch that was quite extraordinary. As an introvert I really don't like to be the center of attention. After being the center of attention all morning and during lunch, I thought it was all over and I could relax the rest of the day. Then I really got caught off guard. I attended what I thought was a department meeting. That, too, turned out to be for me. I was presented with a large sheet cake and then a couple of hundred people sang "Happy Birthday" to me. One of my friends on another floor could hear them. On top of all the attention and food I also received some very nice cards and gifts. I was truly humbled, grateful, and embarrassed. It all made my day and raised my blood sugar.

Random Thoughts Volume XXIII

Last Friday I spent the day with my youngest son. Adult children rarely want to spend time with a parent unless there is a free meal involved. OK, I admit that last Friday did include a free meal for my son since we went out for breakfast and I picked up the check. However it also included driving through some Kentucky back roads, a visit to the monastery and it's bookstore, a stop at the parish where he will be living this summer while working at a downtown hospital, and a final stop at the downtown Border's Books where most of their stock is rapidly depleting as they prepare to close the store permanently. I have two sons. My youngest son is the one most like me. When I talk with him or watch him it is like I am listening to and watching myself. During our conversations, as he shared his thoughts about his spiritual journey, I couldn't help but think that he's inherited more than my looks and personality. Spirituality must also be in the DNA. Of course, being relatively young he probably thinks he is nothing like me. I always thought that too about my Dad until I looked in the mirror one day and realized my Dad was looking back at me. These days, more than ever, I realize how much I am like my Dad, not only in looks, but in his personality, his likes, his dislikes, and probably many other subtle ways.

The Dalai Lama, who refers to himself as "simply a human being", is well educated and deeply knowledgeable about Buddhist philosophy. However, most of his teachings are quite simple and to the point. Here's one of my favorites. People just want to be happy and avoid suffering. Who can argue with this? How can something that seems so simple be so difficult? Everyday I want to be happy yet many days I am not. Everyday I want to avoid suffering yet everyday I have some kind of ache or pain, many days I am frustrated, and sometimes my feelings are hurt. What can one do to improve their odds for happiness and minimize their chances for suffering? I think one of the most basic ways to be happy and to avoid personal suffering is to spend less time...or no time...thinking about how unhappy you are or how many things in your life cause you suffering. The more you think about yourself the more magnified your own negative perceptions will seem. The more you focus on others instead of yourself the happier you will be and the less you will even notice your own suffering. However, this is not easy for most of us. It's very difficult to not be preoccupied with your own happiness and well being. To live for others requires a kind of death to self and most of us don't want to do this willingly.

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. I am Irish on my mother's side of the family. One of my cousins traced my maternal grandfather's family back to Cork, Ireland. I have never been to Ireland but I was moved when I flew over it on my way to France a few years ago. I found myself thinking "my roots began down there". My youngest brother is currently tracking the genealogy of my father's family. He's uncovered a few skeleton's and they weren't all in the graveyard. I've always had a fascination with my roots and all the forces that have shaped me into the person I am today. How have I become the Michael Brown that you know? Why do I think and act the way I do? Why am I good at some things and so terrible at other things? Most of us have relatively simple lives but all of us are complex people. There have been a lot of ingredients and a lot of mixing of the dough to become the people we are today. Everyone one of us is a story. On a lighter note, I have my granddaughter believing that the leprechaun on the Lucky Charms cereal box lives in my house. "Why can't we see him or catch him, Paw Paw"? "Well, Chloe, he's very small and very, very fast. He doesn't want us to see him or catch him. Chloe, quit eating all the marshmallows in my cereal"!

The last time my granddaughter spent the weekend at my house we were talking about something and I told her that girls can do anything boys can do. My goal was to teach her that she has no limitations. She looked at me and said, "We can't pee standing up". I love talking with my granddaughter because the conversations are so insightful and Zen like. With Chloe there is no BS and she cuts through all illusions and pretense to get right to the point. Children have wonderful clarity about life. They may not always understand things the way an adult does but they see reality as it truly is. This type of vision, this way of seeing things, is part of our original nature. Sadly, we lose it as adults and at some point we realize this and then we spend the rest of our lives trying to regain it. This is our spiritual journey. Often in our old age we seem to have gone full circle in our lives because we have regained the insight and clarity of our childhoods. Many elderly people are childlike and I mean that in a very positive way. By the time you are old you've got no time for BS, you can see through most illusions, and you obtain a clarity about life that some call wisdom.

Random Thoughts Volume XXII

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
-Mark Twain

Mark Twain hits the nail on the head with this famous quote. Let's be honest. Most of us live with a variety of fears and many of them are irrational. Most of what we worry about doesn't happen. We live in a society in which we are constantly on edge because the world is full of prophets of doom and the media strives to keep us in a constant state of fear. Earlier this week I found a notice on my front porch telling me there have been robberies in my neighborhood. I read the newspaper everyday and I never see any official notices about crime in my neighborhood. I have never been robbed in my life. Should I live in fear now? The odds would say no but my life experience tells me to be cautious and pay attention to what's around me. Fear is debilitating, whether it's fear of being robbed or mugged or fear of losing your job. I am a cautious person and I try not to be stupid. I also know that most of my fears will never come true. Still, I try to be alert and vigilant so that I am prepared for whatever life throws at me.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.
-John Barrymore

This quote is for women too. Most people have at least a few regrets. It's a rare person who doesn't look back on their life and thinks there was a time or two when they turned left and maybe they should have turned right. Sometimes, too, the challenges of the present cloud out the dreams of the future. Our dreams, however, should always outnumber our regrets. I don't feel like a have a lot of regrets although I know I have made some mistakes in my life. As far as dreams go I don't know that I have a definite dream that I hope comes true. In general I am happy with my life even though everything in my life doesn't make me happy. I have always thought of myself as a positive and optimistic person. I always believe life will get better even when it doesn't appear to do so. We will never have lives where everything is perfect. My dream is that the best is yet to come, whatever it is, even if it isn't perfect.

While I was in my office break room a few days ago eating my Kroger brand chicken noodle soup and my sugar free Jello pudding I noticed on the lid of my pudding the words "Happy is still legal in 50 states". Well, it may be legal but that doesn't make it easy. Being rich is legal too but I'm not quite there. I must admit that being happy does not come easily for me and I have many reasons to be happy. I have to work at it. Apparently this is true for a lot of people. In fact, I recently read a book called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. She is a successful lawyer and writer who thought she had a great marriage, career, family and life but who seldom felt happy. She decided that she would study what makes people happy and how she could find greater happiness in her own life. It's a fascinating book and I recommend it to anyone who may find themselves struggling with a lack of happiness even when they think they have a good life. Of course, what is a good life to one is not necessarily a good life to someone else. Think about this today, "What really makes you happy"?

Here's a thought from the Tao that I really like...

The mind that turns ever outward will have no end to craving. Only the mind turned inward will find a still point of peace.

Most, if not all, that drives us, whether is ambition, greed, desire for food or other comforts, materialism, or whatever, is nothing more than a desire and need to fill some type of emptiness within ourselves. We all suffer from this to some extent. Most of us are not alcoholics or drug addicts but we still have addictions. I think I have an addiction to buying CD's. I have approximately 2,500 CD's and you would think that would last me for the rest of my life. However, at this moment I am waiting for a few more to be delivered to my mailbox. Enjoying music is a legitimate pleasure but I know I am also obsessed with collecting CD's and it is a veiled attempt to fill some type of emptiness in my life. I have also read that our different personalities are also created by a deep need that aches to be fulfilled. It may be the need to be perfect, the need to be successful, or the need to be seen as "special". The Tao is telling us that everything we need is within us. Minds that are always turned outward, away from our center, will be on a ceaseless journey that will not satisfy our cravings or needs and we will never find the inner peace that most of us want. The famous psychologist, Carl Jung, said "He who looks outside, dreams. He who looks inside, awakens". Until you look inside and awaken to the greatness of who you are, you will never find an end to craving and you will never have inner peace.

Here's a few things that some of my co-workers say makes them happy....

What makes me happy is knowing that somebody loves me!

Laughing, beautiful fall days, snuggling with my six year old, a good cup of coffee.

Seeing my children laughing and playing together. The sun shining on a hot steamy day. Plenty of money to spend after all obligations have been met. A quiet walk in my neighborhood on a autumn day.

I'll throw in a few of my own in no particular order....

Being with my granddaughter, a really good outdoor concert on a cool summer night, a weekend at the monastery, lunch with my best friends, any unexpected "Zen Moments", falling snow, a great book, solitude...sorry, I'm a hermit type, and family celebrations.

My son will be home tonight from the seminary and he wants me to take him to the monastery tomorrow. Anytime one of your children wants to spent the day with you, you should jump on it. Tomorrow I am seizing the day so my son can hang out with the "old man".

Random Thoughts Volume XXI

I was awakened at 7:15 AM last Saturday by a little girl who was standing next to my bed. Her Dad had to work so guess who was dropped off at Paw Paw's house? Last Saturday was also my youngest son's 29th birthday so we went out for a family dinner. It was Sunday afternoon before my son, Mike, picked up Chloe and my other son, Nick, went back to the seminary. When the house was empty and quiet, it was nap time for Paw Paw. When I finally got to bed on Sunday night claps of thunder woke me several times during the night and a drenching rain was falling when I got out of bed the next morning. Needless to say, Paw Paw was dragging all day at work on Monday.

Whether we realize it or not, most of us have been told our entire lives that we aren't good enough. Our life has been filled with messages telling us that we are inadequate and imperfect. Most of the messages were unintentional but real never the less. They have been from our parents, our teachers, our spouses or significant others, our children, our relatives, our friends, and our employers. We don't measure up, we disappoint, or we don't meet someone else's standards. I, too, have heard these messages my entire life. Sadly, I have sometimes spoken them to others. A friend recommended a book to me that I am only now reading. I would have read it sooner but, of course, I am lazy and a procrastinator so I am just now getting to it. As you can now see we often give ourselves these negative messages too. They don't always come from others. Our biggest critic is often ourselves. Anyway.....the name of the book is "Regardless of What You Were Taught to Believe.....There is Nothing Wrong With You" by Cheri Huber. It is sub-titled "Going Beyond Self-Hate, A Compassionate Process for Learning to Accept Yourself Exactly as You Are". The book begins with a list of all the messages we all heard in our early childhoods. I was amazed how many I had heard, how many I had spoken to my own children, and how many I have even said to my granddaughter who I love more than anything in the world. According to psychologists the effects of these messages are set in concrete before we reach age seven. I know this may all sound terribly negative but it is not meant to be. Consider it an eye opener and a wake up call stop listening to the voices around you. Today is the day to start loving yourself. Quit trying to improve yourself. Quit thinking you're inadequate. Quit thinking you're imperfect. You're perfect the way you are.

Whenever I am stressed, bored, tired, overwhelmed, feeling the blues, or all of the above at the same time, one of the best cures for me is a solitary walk outside, especially on a cool day. I was very focused on completing a task earlier this week and by early afternoon that day I needed a break. We've had a lot of rain recently and I knew the river was flooding it's banks so I decided to take a walk in the park along the river and see how it looked. The Great Lawn was partially flooded and along the shore it was driftwood heaven for those looking for potential firewood but it would be dangerous to attempt collecting it. The real point is that whether you have a solitary nature like mine or not, it is still a good thing to spend some time with yourself and your own thoughts. I've talked a little about the importance of loving yourself. Part of loving yourself in a healthy way is to be comfortable with your own company. Everyone should be their own best friend. The more you like yourself the more others will like you. As far as being alone with yourself, if you've never made a retreat where you get away from your normal life I highly recommend it. It is very refreshing and restful. Making an occasional retreat is mandatory for my mental health. It's one of the reasons I go to the monastery and I am long overdue for a weekend visit there.

Life is hard. I am reminded of this every time my alarm clock goes off in the morning, everyday I have to work, all the times I have to do stuff I don't want to do, every time I don't feel good, every time I am disappointed, and on many other occasions in my life. It's a challenge to go through life and not be discouraged. Life often feels burdensome and overwhelming. This why it is so important to do whatever it takes to have some perspective on it all. You cannot allow yourself to be overwhelmed with the demands of life. You must find ways to deal with the demands of life by filling in all the empty spaces with people, things, and activities that give you some peace, joy, happiness, and contentment. Basically you have to take care of your own needs. Most of us spend a great deal of our lives taking care of the needs of others. It is not selfish to take care of yourself, too. I am taking care of myself by taking a much needed Mental Health Day on Friday.

Random Thoughts Volume XX

I received a telephone call last Friday afternoon telling me that Father Matthew Kelty, aged 95, and one of the monks at Gethsemani, had passed away. He was a wonderful and very holy man. I did not know him well on a personal level but I had several encounters with him over the years. He used to do poetry readings and talks at the monastery whenever I was there. His death made me ponder how few truly holy people there seem to be in the world. Father Matthew was a man who was one with God. Father Matthew was buried in the monastic cemetary with all the other monks who have lived and died at the monastery since 1848. There's a whole section of the cemetery where monks I once knew lie buried. When I was a very young novice monk these were the men I lived with and who inspired me.

My granddaughter woke me up last Sunday morning at the crack of dawn, telling me she was ready to go downstairs and cook breakfast. On her previous visit I had taught her how to scramble eggs. First we cooked some bacon in the microwave. The we pulled a chair up to the range, cracked the eggs, and cooked them until they were done. This simple act of standing side by side with my six year old granddaughter, scrambling eggs, was more fulfilling to me than 99% of all the other tasks I must perform in my life. I was one with her, she was one with me, and both of us were one with the moment. Then we sat on the kitchen floor and ate our meal pretending we were camping out.

Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans. It's lovely to be silly at the right moment.
-Horace

I think I am a serious person who has a sense of humor. At this stage of my life I believe I know what is important and what is not. I would love to publish my list of what I believe deserves seriousness and what does not but I'm sure I would offend someone. I don't mind laughing at myself when I do something stupid. I probably take some things very seriously that are unimportant to others and I'm sure that many things that are important to others are not taken seriously by me. One thing that really drives me crazy is people who take themselves too seriously. Whether you are like me or not I think what is important is that you find some kind of balance in your life between seriousness and silliness. In the great moments of life, I know how to be serious and how to act. Too much seriousness, however, is too much for me. I can't be an adult all the time. When I go out to lunch with my friends, or to dinner with my wife and children, we laugh about everything. One of my favorite sayings is "Sacred cows make great hamburgers". The world is full of people and ideas that are taken way too seriously. I don't trust anyone that never laughs at life or themselves. I don't want to die of seriousness. I would rather laugh myself to death. Life is too short to be serious all the time.

Some wise man whose name escapes me at the moment once said that "self-knowledge is the beginning of wisdom". I believe there is much truth to this. Typically when we are young we have no clue who we are. We just know who we want to be. In many cases we don't become who we want to be because it's not who we are. If we are lucky, and honest, we acquire inner peace later in our life when we accept who we are. This acceptance requires the sometimes difficult acknowledgement of how special we are. Many people find it difficult to accept their own giftedness. It also requires the acceptance of those parts of ourselves that might drive other people crazy and may drive ourselves crazy as well. Self-knowledge goes hand in hand with self-acceptance. I know I am a good person and that I have integrity and character. I also know I can be lazy, arrogant, obsessive, and a perfectionist. Did I mention that my wife also thinks procrastination would be a step forward for me? I have a personality that generally is peaceful and easy going but I also fight life on a daily basis even when I know it would be easier and less stressful to just "let it go". These seemingly more negative qualities I refer to as my "dark side". In each of us is a side that faces the light and another one which is our "dark side". If you are growing as a person you get to a point where you can see your "dark side" coming from a mile away. When you are really self aware you can head yourself off at the pass and keep this side of you from appearing in public. Both sides are who we are but the goal of our life's journey is to be our best self as much as we can.

In today's reading from the Tao, a book of Chinese philosophy, Deng Ming-Dao says "Problems cannot be resolved at once. Slowly untie knots and divide to conquer". Most problems, whether they be situations or our own personal behavior, do not come into being overnight. Most problems, bad habits, and behaviors build up over time. Yet most of us get very frustrated when they cannot be changed or resolved immediately. I think it was Albert Einstein who said, "The logic that created a problem cannot be used to solve the problem". Fixing problems or changing our behavior often takes time. To avoid the logic that created our problems or the actions that created our behavior, we must think differently or take small steps to change our behavior. Sometimes we keep running into a wall over and over before we finally realize that if we move over a little bit we will find a door. In yesterday's thoughts I admitted to some of my behavior that reflects what I called my "dark side". I have been struggling with these behaviors my entire life and will likely do so for the rest of my life. You will do the same with your own behavior. Hopefully as we go through our lives we get a little smarter and wiser and we avoid the thinking and behavior that has caused us problems in our past or present. At some point we even start to realize that our parents aren't as stupid as we thought they were. My sons, who are 30ish, even seek my counsel these days. Occasionally they take my advice so they don't have to untie a knot later.

A friend and I were reminiscing about a wonderful experience we had together. We made a last minute decision to go to a concert. Much to our delight the tickets were half price. It was a perfect summer evening with no humidity and a cool breeze that was not normal for the middle of summer. The concert was outdoors and the performer was in top form. All the planets were in perfect alignment with the sun and life was good. I refer to such moments or experiences as "Zen Moments". They're brief times in our lives where everything is perfect if only for a moment. In such times you are happy and one with the universe. You cannot plan such moments or re-create them. They just happen and are a gift. I like to think that the possibility of such moments is great and the potential is all around us. I also think we miss most of them because we are distracted and not present to the moment. One must be awake enough to recognize them. I sure that for many people who attended the same concert as my friend and me, it was just a concert. It may have been enjoyable but nothing special. How one felt about the experience depended on one's wakefulness and perception.

Random Thoughts Volume XIX

After many days of cold and snowy weather last weekend's sunny and spring like weather was a welcome change. The sunshine and relative warmth was invigorating. Much of last weekend was spent trying to outsmart the squirrels in my backyard. I recently bought a bird feeder and it's like a magnet for squirrels. Even when I put food out specifically for the squirrels they are intent on eating of all their food and then all of the bird's food. I now have the fattest squirrels in the neighborhood. However, they are also highly motivated. I watched from my kitchen window as one shimmied up the pole that holds the bird feeder. If you put a little hard hat on him he would have looked like a telephone man climbing up a telephone pole.

Yesterday, after a morning wandering through Excel spreadsheets, I decided I needed a walk outside. It was a beautiful day although there was still a chill in the air. While walking around I had a great idea for today's thought. Unfortunately I can no longer remember it. These senior moments are increasing at an alarming rate. When I am sitting in my backyard watching the squirrels run along the top of my fence I don't care about senior moments. Unfortunately here at work there are no squirrels except for the ones running around inside my head. During the work day my senior moments are often balanced with brain overload. The increase of senior moments is interesting to me because I think I am at the peak of my intellectual abilities at this time of my life. Although my mind seems to occasionally take a walk outside on it's own, when it is present with the rest of me it really works well! This is why my wife and I don't talk too much in the evenings. By the time we get home from work we are so brain dead that any remaining brain power is focused on maintaining life supports systems like breathing and keeping our hearts beating.

Most people know that my youngest son attends the seminary and is studying to be a priest. This is a little amusing to me because most of my childhood I wanted to be a priest too and I even attended the seminary for a few years in my youth. I never encouraged my son to do this, at least not with words. When he told me of his desire no one was more surprised than me with the possible exception of his mother. If he stays on track he will be ordained in about 2 1/2 years. He's currently working on his Master's Degree. One of his classes this semester is called "Homiletics". This is a Catholic term for "Learning how to preach". Yesterday he had to preach for the first time in front of his class. The previous evening he sent me a copy of his "sermon". I actually thought it was very good. It was well written and nicely done. You never know what your children will turn out to be. I used to take Nick to wrestling matches to see Hulk Hogan and other wrestling superstars. Then I took him to rock concerts to see bands like Metallica and Smashing Pumpkins. As a teenager he eventually dumped me so he could attend Marilyn Manson and Insane Clown Posse concerts with his friends. I am very happy he did that because I think both of these bands suck. Anyway, you can only do your best as a parent and hope everything turns out OK. You never know what God or life has in store for them. Actually you never know what God or life has in store for you. I wanted to be a priest my entire childhood and now I'm going to be the father of a priest.

I love books. Because of my love of books I am a little sad to hear that Border's Books, one of my favorite stores, has filed for bankruptcy. To make it even worse, they are closing the two stores that I regularly visit. The economy and the proliferation of such things as Amazon's electronic Kindle have been devastating to stores that sell real books. I am old fashioned when it comes to books. I like the look and the smell and the feel of a real book. My house of full of books. There's at least one on every table next to whatever chair I sit in. Right now I have a serious book that I read in the mornings before I come to work and a lighter, easier read for the evenings. Sometimes people ask me things like "How did you get to be so smart"? or "How did you learn to write so well"? The short answer is that I've read hundreds, maybe thousands of books in my lifetime. As one of my favorite musicians, Robert Fripp, once said, "Me and a book is a party. Me and a book and a cup of coffee is an orgy".

I wish I was home reading a book right now.....

How do we get the most out of life? Some people seem to live large and exciting lives and we often envy them. What about us regular folks? I'm talking about salt of the earth type people who get out of bed everyday, get their kids ready for school or the daycare, drop them off, go to work, and then come home to cook dinner and help with homework. I am also talking about people like me who have done all of the above and now find their life much quieter but a little emptier too. I know I sound like a broken record sometimes but I think the answer is relatively simple. The way to happiness is to recognize and enjoy the simple things in life and to always be grateful when something goes your way or something good comes your way. I think gratefulness is the key to happiness. Happiness is not always getting what you want or having everything go your way. I find myself often whispering the words "thank you". Who am I thanking? God, life, karma, and people. If I wake up in the night and realize I have four hours until my alarm goes off, I whisper "thank you" and go back to sleep. If I get a green light when I am in a hurry, or even when I am not, I whisper "thank you". If it snows, or it's sunny and 70 degrees, I whisper "thank you". If another person does something kind or thoughtful for me, I say "thank you". I am also grateful for all the bad stuff that doesn't happen to me. When I see pain and suffering in other people or on the evening news, I whisper "thank you" because it is not happening to me. When I do have pain or suffering I whisper "thank you" and am grateful it is not worse.

Father Matthew Kelty, a monk of Gethsemani, died today at age 95. He was a wonderful monk and inspiration to many. For many years he did poetry readings and talks after the monk's evening prayer called Compline. He touched many lives with his holiness.

Random Thoughts Volune XVIII

Unless you have been living under a rock you have probably heard of Facebook. It's an on-line social network that was originally geared towards young people but now even old people like me are out there. Each person can indicate what they like in terms of products, entertainment, and many other kinds of things. You can also update your "status" so all your friends and connections know what you are doing. You can learn a lot about people by looking at the kinds of things they post on their Facebook page. Whether or not we are on Facebook or not, all of us put "status updates" out on a regular basis. When I come to work in the morning I have a co-worker who can immediately know my status by the look in my eyes. When my wife gets in our car at the end of our workday and sighs it's a pretty good indicator of how her day went. We do this all day with our moods, our body language, and the kinds of things we say, not to mention the way we say them. What is your status today?

We hear many voices in our daily lives. Most of the voices I hear are positive, affirming, encouraging, and loving. The rare voice is negative, critical, and life draining. Unfortunately, the critical and negative voices can seem like a shout while the positive voices are more of a whisper. The voice of God and the voice of love are gentle sounds. Most of the time we may not even hear them because the negative and critical voices can seem so loud even if they are few in number. This is why it is important to be centered and awake so that the ear of our hearts can hear and listen to the gentle voices that remind us that we are loved and that we are good and that we are appreciated. Turn away from the critical and negative voices in your life. Tune your ear and your heart to the voices of those who love you and who build up your life.

"There is no instinct like that of the heart".
-Lord Byron

Although I have a gut type personality who sometimes overreacts to situations, I frequently feel caught in the middle of a tug of war between my head and my heart. My head is the intellectual and analytical part of me. My heart is the intuitive, caring side of me. Sometimes data and facts will point you in one direction but your heart pulls you in another. I must admit that I always lean towards my heart. I trust my heart. It tells me what is right and not just what is correct. I've heard it said that you should always use your head in all decisions that don't involve people and to use your heart in all decisions related to people. Of course this does not always work. Sometimes the right thing to do is also the difficult thing to do and while your head might agree, the decision may break your heart. On the other hand, I have never made a decision with my heart that gave me a headache.

Here's something my granddaughter said to me this past weekend.

"It's not fair that adults have to go to work everyday and kids have to go to school and pets get to stay home. They should have to go to school too so they can learn not to pee and poop all over the house".
-Chloe

My mornings and evenings at home bookend my day. It is during these times that I breathe, read, meditate, relax, and remind myself what is important in life. Everything in between, whether I am in the office, or out and about in the world, is task related and work. Work is work and I expect it to be challenging and occasionally frustrating. When I am not in the workplace doing my employer's work, there is the work of taking care of the demands and needs of my own daily life. Life can seem to be a never ending "to do" list. This is not always bad thing. Much of it is truly necessary. I do try to avoid unnecessary work that is generated by other people's agendas. Tuesday night, however, it was necessary that I go to the grocery because my pantry was very low. Although I am grateful I had money to go buy groceries, I find grocery shopping quite an ordeal. Walking through the aisles, filling your cart, emptying your cart at the checkout, loading all the bags in your car, carrying all the bags into your home, and putting it all away is definitely work. We will never have task free lives. However, the tasks of life, all the "doing", must be counter balanced with some time for "being" when we can breathe, read, meditate, relax, and remind ourselves what's really important in life.

While I was taking my daily walk yesterday I found myself thinking of my Dad. He died two years ago today. The night before he died I was alone with him in his hospital room. His last words to me were "I want to hug you good bye". I leaned down over his bed and we hugged. I could see a tear in his eye. It was a very emotional moment for both of us. He died the next morning just moments before I arrived to visit him again. I miss him more than I thought I would and I realize more and more that he was a good father to me. He had many flaws, as we all do, but time is judging him more kindly. When I think of him I wonder whether or not I am a good father to my children. When we become parents we swear that we won't make the same mistakes as our parents but we usually do along with a few new ones. We didn't know it at the time but when my father in law died in 2003 Chloe was in the womb. Since my father died more great grandchildren have been born. Shakespeare was correct when he said that "All the World's a Stage". In the great drama of life, some characters exit stage left while new characters enter from stage right. The stage is always full but the collection of characters is forever changing.