A Sense Of Urgency

Someone once said to me, “Michael, I don’t think you have a sense of urgency about anything”.  I was a little offended when this was said to me but I responded in a calm manner.  I replied that I did have a sense of urgency for situations that required it.  Many people equate a sense of urgency with the image of a person running around like their hair is on fire.  I am generally a calm person and I usually respond to life in a calm manner.  What some people consider a sense of urgency is often a knee jerk reaction.  When something happens that needs my attention I try to respond rather than react.  Since I am a flawed human being I have freaked out on a rare occasion.  When I do this it is almost never the appropriate way to respond.  Overreacting is rarely appropriate.  If I am guilty of anything it is probably underreacting.  In my mind responding rather than reacting is a more thoughtful and considered approach.  Of course, this only applies to the kind of daily, routine challenges we all face.  If the building is on fire, there’s an accident, or someone is having a medical emergency, our instincts tend to kick in and we respond in a more immediate way often without consciously thinking about our actions.  I guess the challenge is to separate life’s true emergencies from situations that are merely inconveniences.  What is a real emergency and what is a perceived emergency is a perception in the eye of the beholder. 

 

A Few Thoughts On Love

Once I told my granddaughter that I loved her.  She looked at me and said, "I know, Paw Paw, you say that all the time"!  Love is a little more complicated thing when you are an adult.  While many people show unconditional love on a daily basis, especially if they are parents, others struggle with how to show love and how to make those they love feel loved.  Many of us receive more love than we realize while often feeling unloved.  In a book I once read called The Noticer, the author stated that many people feel unloved, not because they are, but because they are not receiving the love they need.  For example, some men show love for their wives by fixing things or making improvements to their home.  However, if what the wife really needs is more time and conversation with her husband in order to feel loved all the home improvements in the world may not make her happy.  Many men need more attention than they are willing to admit and often want more emotional closeness than most women would believe.  People show love in different ways and people need love in different ways.  You may think you are the most loving person in the world but if the way you show love does not meet the needs of the ones you love, then someone is probably not very happy.  Too  often the way we show love and the way love is needed are not on the same page and people can be frustrated and unhappy.  There is no one way to love that works for everyone and it cannot be assumed that the one you love feels loved.  Some people love easily and for others it is a struggle.  If you grew up feeling unloved it may be difficult for you to love others.  If you grew up in an unemotional family that rarely showed affection, you probably struggle to express your own emotions or to show affection for others.  If you grew up in a family that always expressed love and affection, you probably do the same with your created family and others in your life.  Let’s be honest.  We all want and need to be loved.  More importantly, we want to feel loved.  I am confident most people also want to love and they have a desire for the important people in their lives to feel loved.  I guess we all need to sometimes ask ourselves, “Do the people I love feel loved”?  I’m sure we’ve all heard the old saying “I’m just not feeling it”.  If you love someone make sure they are feeling it.     

Remembering My Friend

This past Monday I realized that my dear friend, Father Dennis, has already been gone for three months.  I think about him every day and I miss him terribly.  If I think about him too much, or sometimes when I speak of him, I still get emotional.  I always valued our friendship and the loss of it adds even more value to it.  His death reminds me that much of life is about loss and letting go.  Life is always changing.  It is never static.  As we get older we are sometimes forced to accept loss and we sooner or later must learn to let go and move on.  Over the years I have lost friends and family.  My wife and I have buried three parents.  In a sense I have lost my children too because they have grown up into adults and now have their own lives.  My granddaughter is growing up faster than I like.  My working life is closer to the end than to the beginning.  I, too, am closer to my end than to my beginning.  This is a sobering thought.  I’ve had to let go of my youth and I sometimes mourn the loss of my youthful energy and enthusiasm.  When a favorite musician of mine was told he had terminal cancer someone asked him what he was going to do.  He replied, “Enjoy every sandwich”.  Even with the challenging realities of life there is still room for joy.  I do enjoy every sandwich and, to paraphrase the words of Dr. Seuss, “I don't cry because something is over, I smile because it happened”.  I am still sad over the loss of my friend Dennis but my memories of him and our friendship still make me smile.

Engaged From The Heart

Here’s a thought I recently saw on Twitter.

 

People are sick and tired of managers and business analysts taking about efficiency, waste, and compliance.  They want to be engaged from the heart.

-Jeremy Scrivens

 

It is virtually impossible to work for a large corporation and not hear about efficiency, waste, and compliance.  Inefficiency, waste, and being out of compliance can translate into millions of dollars of lost profit.  This is not pocket change.  How can we care about these necessities of modern business and still be “engaged from the heart”.  Many people, especially in the workplace, are driven by their intellect.  Others, less conspicuous, are driven by their hearts.  Generally the intellect driven people are focused on the bottom line, profits, compliance, technology, and staying competitive.  The heart driven people are usually more concerned about the needs of the customers and employees.  How can we balance these two needs?  A company that doesn’t care will eventually go out of business.  A company that cares too much, to the point of being impudent about basic business decisions, will also go out of business.  We need a balance of the intellect and the heart.  There is no doubt in my mind that my company has some of the smartest people in the world.  We also have some of the most caring people in the world.  Having said this, I think we place too much emphasis on numbers based performance over caring which is more challenging to measure.  Somehow we need to gauge how much our associates, and especially our leaders, are “engaged from the heart”.  We need to take care of business or we will have no business.  However, we also need to develop some authentic practices that promote the engagement of the heart within our business practices.  We need to place as much value on caring as we do on productivity.  Everyone has been evaluated at one time or another over numbers.  Have any of us ever been evaluated on how much we care and how much we are engaged from the heart?   

 

 

Mondays

I often have a sense of dread on Mondays.  The week ahead looms large.  Sometimes before my feet even hit the floor thoughts of work invade my mind.  I wonder what the week will bring.  Will there be any surprises?  I must be honest.  Surprises at work rarely make me happy.  I suppose my dread is a fear of the unknown.  Trying to regain control of my mind I remind myself to follow the counsel I often give to others.  Fear, the root cause of dread, is in the head.  Our own minds are our worst enemy.  Most of what goes on in our heads never happens.  This goes for our fears and, unfortunately, for many of our day dreams, too.  I temporarily overcome these minor panic attacks by focusing on getting myself ready to leave the house.  When I am finally seated in my chair with morning coffee and toast, I begin to formally quiet my mind.  I start by focusing on my breathing.  I often read a passage from something inspirational.  I become quiet and eventually calm.  When I am in a place I would love to stay for hours, the Zen gong on my smart phone alerts me that it is time to leave home and face the world outside my door.  I know I am not alone in my sense of dread when it comes to work.  Too often work seems little more than the price we pay for the rest of our lives.  Much of the dread and the negativity about work is an illusion.  The reality is that most of the time work is not that bad.  Many days I actually enjoy myself and my co-workers.  There is rarely a day I don’t laugh or have a deeply meaningful conversation with someone.  Certainly there are elements of work that seem meaningless and a waste of time.  I suppose that cannot be avoided since the value of these elements are in the eye of the beholder.  My final thought before I left home this morning was that God would bless this day and the week ahead and fill them with grace.  May we all have a good, meaningful, and enjoyable week.  May we all do good and meaningful work.  May we all be blessed. 

In Search Of The Lost Chord

Tonight I will drag my old bones out of the house and go to the Palace Theater with my rock and roll buddy, Tom, to see the Moody Blues.  I am sure some of you have no idea who they are.  They are one of my favorite bands, I’ve been listening to them since I was a teen-ager in the 60’s and I have seen them many times over the years.  They play wonderful, beautiful music and they can rock and roll with the best of them.  I am excited to see them because their music has been a big part of the soundtrack of my life plus I love to see and hear live music.  I also like doing things with my friend, Tom.  We are both 62 years old and have been friends since we met in high school during 6^th period study hall of our sophomore year.  At that time we were 15 years old.  We learned how to drive cars together in a summer school Driver’s Ed class.  I think we drove the teacher a little crazy and probably scared him to death a few times.  Most of my youthful adventures, many of which cannot be talked about in this forum, were with Tom.  He was also the best man in my wedding.  As I think about it I realize that our 47 year friendship is the longest ongoing friendship in my life.  We are both moving a little slower these days but we are still rock and rollers.  Of course, since I will be out after dark tonight, and I may get home as late as 11:00 PM, I will be taking tomorrow as a vacation day.  It is exhausting to be an old rock and roller and to stay up that late!  

A Spirituality Of Life

 When I think about spirituality these days, I think of myself as a man who has left home and is on a long journey.  Often I feel like I am wandering in the desert.  However, as Tolkien once said, "All who wander are not lost".  Even better is a quote from Daniel Boone who said, "I have never been lost.  I will, however, admit to being confused once for about two weeks".  I can very much relate to these quotes.  I am wandering but I do not feel lost.  I will admit to feeling a little confused and disconnected at times.  I also feel that much of the traditional spirituality in which I was raised, and which has surrounded me most of my life, doesn’t always work for me at this time in my life.  These days my spirituality is daily life, whatever it presents to me.  I have come to believe that life itself is the doorway to the sacred.  I was raised as a Roman Catholic so I suppose that is my spiritual home.  However, the practice of kindness and compassion is my best practical expression of spirituality these days.  After all, what is spirituality but putting the Spirit into your reality?  I am not a true Buddhist but these days I feel very much at home with Buddhist ways.  I love the Dalai Lama and I love my backyard with its Buddha statue and wind chimes that sound like temple bells.  It has the feel of a Zen garden for me.  However, my backyard also has a St. Francis of Assisi statue.  He is my favorite Christian holy man.  I also love the solitude and silence of the monastery I regularly visit with its Christian monastic tradition and tolling abbey bells.  I think what it all boils down to for me is a love of all things contemplative.  I am no longer sure about the value of dogma and theology but I do very much value the idea and practice of mindfulness, along with the practice of kindness and compassion, as a way to become enlightened.  Being mindful, living in peace, showing kindness, and seeing all of life as a gift, is not a bad way to live one's life.  It is certainly a positive way to live.  So much religion fills one with guilt and low self-worth.  I've spent much of my life trying to overcome feelings of guilt and inadequacy.  I strive to walk in a more positive light.  In the end I think what’s really important is whether or not we have lived loving lives and whether or we were a good people who always tried to do the right thing for those around us and for the planet on which we live.