Thursday, April 14, 2016

Who Are You?

Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are”.
-Chinese Proverb
I am not proud of it but I was on the verge of losing it at work yesterday.  If I had been at home with my granddaughter she would have said, “Paw Paw, are you flailing”?  It was more a moment of frustration.  Security was not needed and no actual screaming took place.  People like me, who are usually cool, calm, and collected when other people are losing it, can sometimes have our own meltdowns.  In my psychology studies I have learned that my personality type has a constant below the surface simmering anger, usually directed at life in general, that may occasionally rear its ugly head.  When it happens people are often shocked.  Much of my daily exhaustion is likely from using up so much energy trying to remain calm.  Sigmund Freud would say I repress my feelings.  I would agree that I do this, especially with what I consider negative emotions.  I think the point of the quote is that our tension is often a result of trying to be who or what we think we should be.  To be perfectly honest, I am most tense when I am at work and it is because I am trying to please so many people.  The “real” me is the guy who goes home at the end of the work day, lets his hair down (literally), puts on a pair of shorts and a Grateful Dead tee shirt, and relaxes in his solitude while his wife occasionally yells at him to turn the music down and quit playing Led Zeppelin so loud.  I turn up the music because I am going deaf.  I am going deaf because I keep turning up the music.  Anyway, I believe we are most our true selves when we are alone and no one is watching us or making demands on us.  In solitude, we can be who we are and we can dance like no one is looking.  Trust me.  You don’t want to see me dance.      

No comments: