The current life expectancy for a man is approximately 75 years or 27,375 days. Based on this estimate, I have already used up approximately 20,925 days. Hmmmmm! I'm down to about 6,450 days! I admit there are many days when my morning alarm goes off that I wonder "How many more days will my life be driven by the clock"? Usually after a shower, and when I am fully awake, I am just happy to be alive. Of course, I know myself well enough to realize that I will always need wake up calls in my life whether they be alarm clocks or temple bells. I long for freedom but need structure. I am not in a panic about the estimate of 6,450 days left to live. For now I live one day at a time and I strive to live it well and fully. Of course, living well and fully does not necessarily mean living an extreme or adventurous life. It means being present to the life I have and living in the moment. It means celebrating the ordinary and being open to the extraordinary. Every life is an adventure and one never fully knows where your life will take you. It may be a journey of the body that takes you all over the world or you may never leave your home town. Regardless, it is always a journey of the spirit. My rather ordinary life has taken me places I never dreamed of being. I like the mystery of life and how it unveils itself in ways we never see coming. I may not really have 6,450 days left. Maybe I only have a few hundred or maybe 32,850. Whatever the number they will reveal themselves one sunrise at a time. It is a good thing, when one opens their eyes first thing in the morning, to greet the dawn with a prayer of thanks for another day with its endless possibilities for meaning and joy. Sometime during the day one should pause and notice your own breath. Hear it? Feel it? If so, it means you are alive so don't die before you live. My young son makes fun of me for saying this but "Seize the day"! Of course, in the evenings, when he catches me napping in my chair, he will sometimes wake me and ask, "Dad, are you seizing the day"? Well, in those situations I am seizing my dreams.
Once in my daily thoughts I mentioned that I thought of my friends as wildflowers in my life. They are all over the place, they come in a variety of shapes and colors, and all of them together add beauty to my life. There are some friends I have known most of my life but I am also still making new friends. Occasionally an old friend reappears and it's like they never left. One of my current friends is someone I met many years ago. She worked in my office and we were peers. We knew one another but really weren't close friends. At some point she disappeared and I didn't know where she went. Many years passed. About five years ago, I was walking through a crowd at a concert and I heard someone call my name. I turned around and there she was with another old friend. Our friendship was renewed and now she is one of my music loving, road warrior, friends. In fact, she's the only girl in a group of guys but our group could not function without this woman. Bridget is our event planner, caterer, loan officer, ticket purchaser, and my partner in crime as we find musical events for our group of friends to attend. I could give you a very long list of famous musicians that we have seen together. When it comes to music, she is the female version of me. She knows more about music than any woman I know. Another friend who reappeared in my life a few years ago is Fr. Dennis. When I was very young and in the seminary, he was one of my teachers. Over the years we occasionally kept in touch but eventually lost touch. A few years ago he retired to Kentucky and he tracked me down. Now I consider him one of my best friends and I can't imagine not having him in my life as my surrogate big brother and spiritual advisor. He is also one of the funniest people I have ever known. We have wonderful conversations, full of laughter, whenever we are together. The last wildflower I will talk about is my regular lunch partner. She works in my office and I believe was once seated next to me to secretly improve my attitude. I think someone thought I needed an attitude adjustment and Wendy would be the person to make it happen. The plan kind of backfired when we immediately clicked and hit it off. It turned out that we were two peas from the same pod and actually very much alike. I like to believe we've both been a good influence on one another's attitude. We have been close friends for a long time now. I like her because she is easy to be with and we can talk about anything. She's funny, she makes me laugh, and she's not afraid to say anything. These are just three examples of friends who make a difference in my life. I have probably embarrassed all of them by writing about them and mentioning their names so I hope they forgive me. There are more of you out there so I feel very blessed with an abundance of friends who are wildflowers in my life.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Monday, July 21, 2008
The Ups And Downs Of Life
Well, here we are on another Monday. Where does the time go so quickly? I am moving a little slow this morning. I am sunburned and I am sore from acting like a four year old with Chloe plus I feel like I didn't even sleep last night. Once again I had a busy weekend. Much of Saturday was spent lounging around the pool of a friend. I don't have many opportunities to do this and Saturday was the kind of hot day that makes a pool very inviting. Pitchers of frozen margaritas increased the enjoyment. If it wasn't for the medications I must take everyday and the fact that I am usually the driver for other people, I could easily live in Margaritaville and be a neighbor to Jimmy Buffet. The time around the pool and being with friends was very relaxing. As you might gather there was plenty to eat, from poolside snacks to an awesome meal with pork tenderloin, boiled shrimp, potato salad, corn on the cob, and salad. After hours of lounging about I slept like a baby on Saturday night. I woke up very refreshed although I was moving very slow. I knew round two would be happening in a few hours when Chloe arrived. I was volunteered to take care of Chloe while my wife and Chloe's parents went to the Homearama. They were going to see homes that I couldn't afford if everyone who reads these thoughts gave me all their money. Chloe kept me hopping. At one point Chloe found my blood testing paraphernalia and said "I need to test your blood sugar, Pa Paw". I had no choice but to go along with it. She knew exactly what to do. She pretended to prick my finger, squeeze it so a drop of blood appears, and then hold a test strip in the tester up to my finger. It blew my mind that she knew how to do it. The only downside to this was that she wanted to do it 500 more times throughout the afternoon. Later in the afternoon she helped me make brownies and my homemade Stouffer's Frozen Lasagna. When everyone got home I fed them and sent them on their way. The rest of the evening was spent recovering from the weekend. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to go visit my father so I'll try to get that done tonight. There's so much to do, so little time.
Routine is a double edged sword for me. It can be boring but I also need it in my life. I have learned over the years that I need some structure in my life. I long for the freedom to do whatever I want when I want but when I have too much freedom, and sit around too much, I start to turn into a vegetable. Of course, being human means that you often want the opposite of whatever you have at the moment. Busy, working people, who may also have the demands of a family, long for a break. Many times when I have been sitting on a bench at the mall talking to an elderly, retired person, they speak of their longing for work and having something to do everyday. I think the answer is to realize that life is a journey. There are periods of time where you are busy and many demands are made on you. There are periods of rest where one can simply breathe. There are times where we are energetic and full of creativity. There are other times where we feel dull and uninspired. There are times where life gives you a challenge that seems overwhelming at the time. There are other days where life surprises you with an unexpected joy. When life seems like a roller coaster ride, hang on! There will also be days where life is a gentle ride down a lazy river when the sun is shining and the air is cool and the flowers are growing. Take life one day at a time. The great days will remain with you forever in your memories. The bad days will eventually seem like a bump in the road.
Routine is a double edged sword for me. It can be boring but I also need it in my life. I have learned over the years that I need some structure in my life. I long for the freedom to do whatever I want when I want but when I have too much freedom, and sit around too much, I start to turn into a vegetable. Of course, being human means that you often want the opposite of whatever you have at the moment. Busy, working people, who may also have the demands of a family, long for a break. Many times when I have been sitting on a bench at the mall talking to an elderly, retired person, they speak of their longing for work and having something to do everyday. I think the answer is to realize that life is a journey. There are periods of time where you are busy and many demands are made on you. There are periods of rest where one can simply breathe. There are times where we are energetic and full of creativity. There are other times where we feel dull and uninspired. There are times where life gives you a challenge that seems overwhelming at the time. There are other days where life surprises you with an unexpected joy. When life seems like a roller coaster ride, hang on! There will also be days where life is a gentle ride down a lazy river when the sun is shining and the air is cool and the flowers are growing. Take life one day at a time. The great days will remain with you forever in your memories. The bad days will eventually seem like a bump in the road.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Friendship
When you walk into a Waffle House restaurant there is usually s sign that says "You had a choice and you choose us". It goes on to say how much they appreciate your business. It sometimes reminds me that life is full of choices and occasionally consequences. Sometimes when I choose Waffle House I get a wonderful waffle. A few times I have chosen Waffle House and gotten runny eggs. I like my yolk to be soft but I hate it when the egg whites are runny! Let me now segue from waffles and omelets to friendship. I think a lot about friendship because I am blessed with many good friends. Certainly a big part of the reason I have chosen certain people to be my friends is because there is an obvious connection. Life just seems to send certain people into our lives with whom we feel an immediate and sometimes intimate connection. Sometimes the reason for the connection is obvious and other times there may be a bit of a mystery as to why we feel this connection. I must assume that people who choose me to be their friend feel this way about me. Beyond this inner circle of special people with whom we feel connected, there may be many more with whom we have an enjoyable comfort level. Beyond that there may be a few people with whom we simply do not click and no amount of effort will make it happen. I am glad that some people have accepted the invitation to be my friend and that they have also allowed me to be part of their life. A good friend is a gift to be treasured. People will drift in and out of your life, but if you are blessed, a few will be part of your life forever.
Speaking of friends.....
I had a voicemail yesterday from an old friend who thought of me while listening to some music that I introduced to him. It was a classic album/CD called "Ginger Baker's Air Force Live at the Royal Albert Hall". It's an awesome piece of music full of African percussion, jazzy horns, and a rock and roll beat. You can't sit still when you listen to this music. So, when I got home last night I put it on and jammed while doing the laundry. This CD is a little hard to find but I highly recommend it for those that might like rock and roll with a big band sound. This was "World Beat" music before it had a name.
Sometimes you hear people says things like, "He didn't react quick enough to the situation" or "She totally overreacted to what happened". These types of reactions come from our gut. I know because my personality type is a "gut type". Sometimes I react to situations quickly and from the gut without thinking first. It's not all bad. I can get really excited about a sunrise or a sunset and have an immediate and emotional response to the beauty. I can also quickly overreact to something that doesn't please me or I don't like. Later, after settling down a bit and processing it through my head, I can be more accepting. Like most things in life, passion has its pros and cons. What I try to do in my life is have the more Zen Buddhist approach to situations. For me this means a thoughtful and considered response rather than a reaction to events or situations. When something happens I try to breathe first and then respond. This does not come naturally to me and it is a discipline I am still trying to master. In so much of my life, whether it is my personal life or my working life, I am either responding emotionally and reactively or I am surrounded by others doing it. Often it seems we are all so upset about everything. We live in an unhealthy tension created by overly emotional reactions to life. I am not sure at what point everything in life became urgent and critical. Is it really or does it just seem that way because of the way we deal with it? What ever happened to just dealing with things instead of freaking out all the time? The stress and the tension we create for ourselves because of unhealthy ways of reacting to life saps us of the energy that could be directed towards creative solutions to life's challenges. In 57 years of living s I have experienced very little that was truly urgent or critical. Most of my life experiences that have been less than enjoyable were, at best, inconvenient or annoying. I have yet to witness the world stop spinning or the sun not rising. Life will go on at his own momentum in spite of our reactions to it. I am not in denial that sometimes life has it's critical moments that require action and immediacy. However, not every moment of every day meets this criteria. Let's all relax and strive to bring some calmness to the chaos that most of us often feel in our lives. I challenge all of us, when we are tempted to have a knee jerk response to anything, to breathe for a minute and respond in a thoughtful and considered manner. Try it. I hope it's contagious.
Speaking of friends.....
I had a voicemail yesterday from an old friend who thought of me while listening to some music that I introduced to him. It was a classic album/CD called "Ginger Baker's Air Force Live at the Royal Albert Hall". It's an awesome piece of music full of African percussion, jazzy horns, and a rock and roll beat. You can't sit still when you listen to this music. So, when I got home last night I put it on and jammed while doing the laundry. This CD is a little hard to find but I highly recommend it for those that might like rock and roll with a big band sound. This was "World Beat" music before it had a name.
Sometimes you hear people says things like, "He didn't react quick enough to the situation" or "She totally overreacted to what happened". These types of reactions come from our gut. I know because my personality type is a "gut type". Sometimes I react to situations quickly and from the gut without thinking first. It's not all bad. I can get really excited about a sunrise or a sunset and have an immediate and emotional response to the beauty. I can also quickly overreact to something that doesn't please me or I don't like. Later, after settling down a bit and processing it through my head, I can be more accepting. Like most things in life, passion has its pros and cons. What I try to do in my life is have the more Zen Buddhist approach to situations. For me this means a thoughtful and considered response rather than a reaction to events or situations. When something happens I try to breathe first and then respond. This does not come naturally to me and it is a discipline I am still trying to master. In so much of my life, whether it is my personal life or my working life, I am either responding emotionally and reactively or I am surrounded by others doing it. Often it seems we are all so upset about everything. We live in an unhealthy tension created by overly emotional reactions to life. I am not sure at what point everything in life became urgent and critical. Is it really or does it just seem that way because of the way we deal with it? What ever happened to just dealing with things instead of freaking out all the time? The stress and the tension we create for ourselves because of unhealthy ways of reacting to life saps us of the energy that could be directed towards creative solutions to life's challenges. In 57 years of living s I have experienced very little that was truly urgent or critical. Most of my life experiences that have been less than enjoyable were, at best, inconvenient or annoying. I have yet to witness the world stop spinning or the sun not rising. Life will go on at his own momentum in spite of our reactions to it. I am not in denial that sometimes life has it's critical moments that require action and immediacy. However, not every moment of every day meets this criteria. Let's all relax and strive to bring some calmness to the chaos that most of us often feel in our lives. I challenge all of us, when we are tempted to have a knee jerk response to anything, to breathe for a minute and respond in a thoughtful and considered manner. Try it. I hope it's contagious.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Drumming With Chloe
At the opposite end of the spectrum from visiting my father in his nursing home is picking up my granddaughter, Chloe, from her daycare. I've been picking her up on fairly regular basis for a couple of years now. It has not lost its thrill for me or her. Some people say that life is not fair. It may not be fair but I do believe it has a natural balance. In my case the sadness of having an aging and sick parent is balanced with the joy of a happy, well adjusted, and loving granddaughter. As soon as I walked in the daycare, and she saw me, her eyes lit up. I picked her up and she hugged me tightly. After a five star dinner at McDonalds we headed to my house. Boy, this little girl can wear me out on a work night! She loves to climb all over me and she laughs hysterically as I gently tickle her. We went into my music room and she beat on my conga drum while I shook some maracas. She was really into it and we had a drum circle thing going for a while. Eventually her Dad showed up, and when it was time to go home I took her out to his car, strapped her in her car seat, got a kiss and a hug, waved goodbye, and then went back into the house and collapsed! A 57 year old man is no match for a four year old drummer!
The local newspaper once had an article entitled "Being happy can be elusive". It basically said that today's people, despite all their wealth and comforts, are no happier than people in the past who had less money and fewer comforts. It stated that there are three types of happiness. There's the "good day" when you do not have to spend too much time in tasks of drudgery and you can indulge in some things that bring pleasure. Most of my worst days are "good days". There is "euphoria", which is an intense and fleeting state that involves some risk. An example of this for me is putting up with all the hassle of going to a concert and then being rewarded with some great musical performances. Finally, there's your basic "happy life" which requires hard work, striving, nurturing, maintaining, mourning, and birthing. This is the ongoing and lasting happiness that requires some effort on our part. The article goes on to describe some "happiness habits" that we need to form in order to do the work of being happy. Here are some examples.
Figure out what's important to you. Do you value a certain kind of job, material things, a relationship, time alone, time with others, time to relax, time to be creative, time to read, time to listen to music, or time to have fun?
To be happy you have to make happiness a priority. Decide to make more time in your life to do more of what's important to you and makes you feel happier. Start with little things and work up. Little things might be reading for 15 minutes, taking a walk, calling a friend, or buying a great smelling soap, shampoo, candle, tea, or coffee that you will enjoy every time you use it.
Focus on what is positive. In a journal write down as many positive things as you can about yourself, others, and life in general.
Appreciate what is working in your life. In the major areas of your life...your health, job, love life, friends, family, money and living situation...what is going well?
The local newspaper once had an article entitled "Being happy can be elusive". It basically said that today's people, despite all their wealth and comforts, are no happier than people in the past who had less money and fewer comforts. It stated that there are three types of happiness. There's the "good day" when you do not have to spend too much time in tasks of drudgery and you can indulge in some things that bring pleasure. Most of my worst days are "good days". There is "euphoria", which is an intense and fleeting state that involves some risk. An example of this for me is putting up with all the hassle of going to a concert and then being rewarded with some great musical performances. Finally, there's your basic "happy life" which requires hard work, striving, nurturing, maintaining, mourning, and birthing. This is the ongoing and lasting happiness that requires some effort on our part. The article goes on to describe some "happiness habits" that we need to form in order to do the work of being happy. Here are some examples.
Figure out what's important to you. Do you value a certain kind of job, material things, a relationship, time alone, time with others, time to relax, time to be creative, time to read, time to listen to music, or time to have fun?
To be happy you have to make happiness a priority. Decide to make more time in your life to do more of what's important to you and makes you feel happier. Start with little things and work up. Little things might be reading for 15 minutes, taking a walk, calling a friend, or buying a great smelling soap, shampoo, candle, tea, or coffee that you will enjoy every time you use it.
Focus on what is positive. In a journal write down as many positive things as you can about yourself, others, and life in general.
Appreciate what is working in your life. In the major areas of your life...your health, job, love life, friends, family, money and living situation...what is going well?
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The Power Of Now
Sometime in the recent past a stranger emailed me and recommended that I read some of the books of Eckhart Tolle. This past weekend I was at Target and I saw one of his books on sale. It's called "The Power of Now". The title alone explains to me why this stranger recommended the book to me. Many times in my thoughts I have written about mindfulness and living in the Now. I have only read a few pages but I think I will enjoy this book. Early in the book the author speaks of enlightenment. He quotes the Buddha as saying "Enlightenment is the absence of suffering". A great deal of Buddhist practice is designed to eliminate suffering in our lives. I am speaking of the suffering we bring on ourselves through the way we think and react to what happens to us. Some suffering I believe is beyond our control and in some situations we truly are victims. Much suffering, however, is created within our own minds. After reading this chapter I tried to imagine a life without suffering. If we eliminated suffering from our lives, what would be left? Last week at the concert I attended, Tom Petty was speaking to the audience and he said, "Wouldn't it be great if everything was alright just for a moment"? I think he was talking about a moment without suffering. What would people talk about if they didn't have suffering in their lives? It's hard to imagine riding the elevators at work and finding them full of people talking about how great their lives were! Another curious statement of the Buddha is "All of life is suffering". If true, the absence or elimination of suffering would give us great capacity for joy. In the Christian tradition, certainly in the Catholic Christian tradition, this "suffering" that we experience in life is believed to be the effect of the "original sin" committed when mankind, as represented by Adam and Eve, ate the fruit from the one tree forbidden by God. Christians believe that act was the beginning of all human suffering. I have rarely truly suffered. I have experienced intense physical pain. My heart has been broken a few times. On a rare occasion I am down in the dumps. I guess to some extent the demands and challenges of daily living are a form of suffering. I do sometimes feel like I am suffering in the mornings when the alarm clock goes off. So, if I could eliminate physical pain and emotional heartache along with work, would I end up with the enlightenment to be found in the absence of suffering? The closest I believe I have ever come to "Enlightenment" in my life are rare moments of pure joy that I have experienced without any warning. I did not see them coming but I was in the right space when they arrived. It's difficult to describe such moments. They were full of peacefulness. Everything, if only for a moment, seemed to make sense. My vision was no longer blurred and I felt a sense of clarity. In addition, and pardon the cliche, I felt one with the universe. I've had these experiences within a religious context, during moments of enjoyment such as listening to music, in the midst of life's big events, in the silence of my own back yard or in the solitude of my room. I guess for a moment I was relieved of suffering and joy filled the vacuum. In life as we know it, such moments seem to be a gift. Perhaps the final Enlightenment, what some call Heaven, will be a kind of living in the eternal Now of such moments.
I went to visit my father last night. Every time I visit him I cry on the way home. It's not just my Dad. It's the whole nursing home scene. My Dad is not suffering in the sense that he's in a great deal of pain. He seems to be relatively free of physical pain. His suffering is more mental because of the deterioration of his mind and the reality of being physically helpless. He was asleep when I got there but a visit from a caretender awakened him. We talked a little but he kept apologizing for having nothing to tell me. "Everyday is the same here. I don't think I am ever going to get out of here", he quietly said with a hint of resignation. He did ask about my family so I gave him an update on all of them. On the way home I thought about my father in law. He passed away a little over four years ago. We didn't know it then but at the time of his death, Chloe was in the womb. The last week of his life I helped nurse him with other family members. During a quiet moment between the two of us, I gently told that it was alright to let go. I assured him that my mother in law would be taken care of and that he didn't need to worry about anything. I wonder if I should have such a conversation with my father. Should I tell him it is alright to let go? He is dealing with this time of his life as best he can but I know he is tired in every sense of the word. As I was leaving the nursing home some of the patients looked at me like the sick must have looked at Jesus. One woman wanted me to touch her so I did. Another gave me a handful of bread crusts and asked me to feed her dog. I told her I would take care of it. It's all very sad to me and when I leave there I am emotionally drained. I am very grateful for the overworked and underpaid caretenders who look after my father and all the other elderly patients.
I've come to realize that just about everything is none of my business.
-Brother Cassian of Gethsemani
I went to visit my father last night. Every time I visit him I cry on the way home. It's not just my Dad. It's the whole nursing home scene. My Dad is not suffering in the sense that he's in a great deal of pain. He seems to be relatively free of physical pain. His suffering is more mental because of the deterioration of his mind and the reality of being physically helpless. He was asleep when I got there but a visit from a caretender awakened him. We talked a little but he kept apologizing for having nothing to tell me. "Everyday is the same here. I don't think I am ever going to get out of here", he quietly said with a hint of resignation. He did ask about my family so I gave him an update on all of them. On the way home I thought about my father in law. He passed away a little over four years ago. We didn't know it then but at the time of his death, Chloe was in the womb. The last week of his life I helped nurse him with other family members. During a quiet moment between the two of us, I gently told that it was alright to let go. I assured him that my mother in law would be taken care of and that he didn't need to worry about anything. I wonder if I should have such a conversation with my father. Should I tell him it is alright to let go? He is dealing with this time of his life as best he can but I know he is tired in every sense of the word. As I was leaving the nursing home some of the patients looked at me like the sick must have looked at Jesus. One woman wanted me to touch her so I did. Another gave me a handful of bread crusts and asked me to feed her dog. I told her I would take care of it. It's all very sad to me and when I leave there I am emotionally drained. I am very grateful for the overworked and underpaid caretenders who look after my father and all the other elderly patients.
I've come to realize that just about everything is none of my business.
-Brother Cassian of Gethsemani
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Hidden Treasures
I am not sure why but life always works out for me. Is it because I am a generally positive and optimistic person? Is it because I always try to put out positive vibrations? Is it because I have a playful and light hearted approach to life? All of this could be true. However, I believe a big part of my good fortune is that I really strive to live with a grateful heart. I am not just talking about being grateful for life's big windfalls. I am speaking of a gratitude that appreciates all of life and its simple pleasures and joys. In the world, and more specifically a culture like ours, there will always be more than we can ever have. As the comedienne Steven Wright says, "You can't have everything. Where would you put it"? Even if we can't have everything, we all have so much. The least in our society has more than most in the world. Of course, I am not just talking about material things. I am talking about family and friends and laughter and love and joy and happiness. On my worst day I can find things to be grateful about. On a material level I am just an average middle class guy. On the level of true riches, I am quite wealthy. Happiness and joy and love and the enjoyment of life doesn't mean you will have a life with no problems or pain. I have had my share, though perhaps not as many or as much as some. Happiness is not something you find after a long search. It is something you discover within the life you have now. Happiness is not having what you love. Happiness is loving what you have. I have much of what is really important in life and I believe all of you do as well. If you think not, you haven't found it yet. Look more deeply into your life and find the hidden treasures. They may be right before you eyes.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Thomas Merton's Hermitage
Although there were moments of leisure, it was another busy and mostly full weekend. I woke up early on Saturday morning and after having some coffee and reading the morning paper, I immediately started cooking. I made some broccoli casserole for Chloe's birthday party and my famous mystery pasta salad for a picnic at the monastery on Sunday. Although Chloe's official birthday was last weekend, we didn't celebrate it until this weekend. The party was a cookout at my son's home with family members from both sides of his family. Everything was nice. The food was great and Chloe had lots of presents. My son and daughter in law are good parents and Chloe is not lacking in love. There is one new challenge to visiting my son's home. Chloe and her parents now have two dogs. One is a cute, well mannered, calm dog that is small. The other is a puppy that is already twice the size of the smaller dog and will probably double in size again before its all over. When the larger dog is brought out of the basement, it runs around like it is on crack cocaine or PCP. Remember the scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation where Cousin Eddie's dog is chasing the squirrel through the house? It is kind of like that. Someday this dog will make Chloe very sad when it eats her Pa Paw (me).
Yesterday I also made a trip to the monastery for a picnic. I didn't have to be there as early as usual so I was able to sleep a little later. Once I got on the road, however, it began to pour down rain. As I drove through the rain it occurred to me that people in Southern California would consider such a day as beautiful. They would love to see it pour down rain. I really didn't mind either even though part of my reason for going to the monastery was to have a picnic with some of the monks and other friends. Often when I first get to the monastery I am restless and feeling a little anxious. Arriving at the monastery can sometimes feel like slamming on your inner brakes. When you leave a life and a world where everything is rush, rush, rush, and you often have many tasks, the silence, solitude and slower pace requires a mental adjustment. I have realized over the years that when all else fails, it is best to slip into the dark and quiet Abbey church and simply sit in silence. The best way to achieve an inner quiet is to be still and silent. I sat this way for about 20 minutes until the Abbey bells pulled me from my inner still point and I realized others were sitting around me. After mass we headed up a rocky road that took us to Thomas Merton's Hermitage. It's not too far from the monastery but hidden enough have a solitary feel. For readers of Merton's many books and students of his life, this small house is a sacred space. Some of my favorite Merton books were written while Merton lived here. I have been blessed to spend two long and wonderful weekends there totally alone. Each time I am there the memories of those weekends come back to me. Yesterday was a hot and humid day. During my stays in the hermitage is was autumn and cool enough for blazing fires in the fireplace. I was as happy as anyone could be. I did some reading and meditating while I was there but much of the time I simply sat in wonder with a big smile on my face as I looked out the window at the beautiful scenery around me. I watched as the fireplace consumed many logs and I listened to the pouring rain as it fell through the trees surrounding the hermitage. If such Zen moments are not full of God, I don't know what is.
Last week someone asked me how to control unwanted thoughts. Here's a few suggestions.
It is impossible to prevent thoughts. I, too, have thoughts I don't want. They aren't invited and often they do not want to leave. Meditation doesn't prevent thoughts but it helps you to let them go. Meditation is like sitting on a riverbank and watching boats go up and down the river. The boats represent our thoughts. We can't stop the thoughts but we can let them go. In most meditation one uses a mantra. It helps us keep our focus. Continuing with the analogy of the river, the river is our mind. The surface is busy and there's lots of activity. A mantra is like an anchor. It pulls us down to the bottom of our "river" where there is stillness and calmness. Eventually we find ourselves in thought and being pulled back to the surface of the river which represents the busyness of our minds. When we become aware of thinking, we go back to the mantra so we can return to our still point. Most people recommend doing this for about 20 minutes, twice a day, usually in the morning before work and again at the end of your day, preferably before eating.
I shut my eyes in order to see.
-Paul Gauguin
Yesterday I also made a trip to the monastery for a picnic. I didn't have to be there as early as usual so I was able to sleep a little later. Once I got on the road, however, it began to pour down rain. As I drove through the rain it occurred to me that people in Southern California would consider such a day as beautiful. They would love to see it pour down rain. I really didn't mind either even though part of my reason for going to the monastery was to have a picnic with some of the monks and other friends. Often when I first get to the monastery I am restless and feeling a little anxious. Arriving at the monastery can sometimes feel like slamming on your inner brakes. When you leave a life and a world where everything is rush, rush, rush, and you often have many tasks, the silence, solitude and slower pace requires a mental adjustment. I have realized over the years that when all else fails, it is best to slip into the dark and quiet Abbey church and simply sit in silence. The best way to achieve an inner quiet is to be still and silent. I sat this way for about 20 minutes until the Abbey bells pulled me from my inner still point and I realized others were sitting around me. After mass we headed up a rocky road that took us to Thomas Merton's Hermitage. It's not too far from the monastery but hidden enough have a solitary feel. For readers of Merton's many books and students of his life, this small house is a sacred space. Some of my favorite Merton books were written while Merton lived here. I have been blessed to spend two long and wonderful weekends there totally alone. Each time I am there the memories of those weekends come back to me. Yesterday was a hot and humid day. During my stays in the hermitage is was autumn and cool enough for blazing fires in the fireplace. I was as happy as anyone could be. I did some reading and meditating while I was there but much of the time I simply sat in wonder with a big smile on my face as I looked out the window at the beautiful scenery around me. I watched as the fireplace consumed many logs and I listened to the pouring rain as it fell through the trees surrounding the hermitage. If such Zen moments are not full of God, I don't know what is.
Last week someone asked me how to control unwanted thoughts. Here's a few suggestions.
It is impossible to prevent thoughts. I, too, have thoughts I don't want. They aren't invited and often they do not want to leave. Meditation doesn't prevent thoughts but it helps you to let them go. Meditation is like sitting on a riverbank and watching boats go up and down the river. The boats represent our thoughts. We can't stop the thoughts but we can let them go. In most meditation one uses a mantra. It helps us keep our focus. Continuing with the analogy of the river, the river is our mind. The surface is busy and there's lots of activity. A mantra is like an anchor. It pulls us down to the bottom of our "river" where there is stillness and calmness. Eventually we find ourselves in thought and being pulled back to the surface of the river which represents the busyness of our minds. When we become aware of thinking, we go back to the mantra so we can return to our still point. Most people recommend doing this for about 20 minutes, twice a day, usually in the morning before work and again at the end of your day, preferably before eating.
I shut my eyes in order to see.
-Paul Gauguin
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