21,395 Days

I have been alive for 21,395 days. Theoretically I have slept 1/3rd of these days so I have been awake 14,079 days. No wonder I am so tired! As the Grateful Dead used to sing, "What a long strange trip it's been". I found myself laughing and singing to a Grateful Dead song playing on my car radio on the way home today. It was the end of the work day and I was liberated. Jerry Garcia was singing a song called "Liberty". Here's some of the lyrics....

If I was the sun, I'd look for shade,
If I was a bed, I would stay unmade,
If I was a river I'd run uphill,
and if you call me you know I will.
Freedom!
Liberty!
Leave me alone to find my own way home.

If I was an eagle I'd dress like a duck,
crawl like a lizard and honk like a truck.
If I get a notion I'll climb this tree
or chop it down and you can't stop me.
Freedom!
Liberty!
Leave me alone to find my own way home.

Today I certainly wouldn't want to chop any trees down. The fall colors are beautiful and autumn is reaching its peak in my corner of the world. I am loving this weather and all of nature's beauty. I didn't take the picture shown above but it is a good representation of how things look in my neighborhood.

Tonight I have been home alone and unsupervised. My wife is out having dinner with friends. Although I did slip into dreamland for a little while, most of the night I have been listening to a recording of the Allman Brothers Band with special guest Eric Clapton. It was recorded at the Beacon Theater in New York City earlier this year. After that was over I hopped in my musical time machine and now I am enjoying Joe Cocker's "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" live at the Fillmore East. At the moment it is temporarily the weekend of March 27th-28th, 1970. I love how recorded music can transport you through space and time.

I guess I will go to bed soon and get some sleep so I'll be ready tomorrow to fully live day #21,396 of my life.

Don't Just Do Something! Sit There!

Cat sits in the sun.
Dog sits in the grass.
Turtle sits on a rock.
Frog sits on the lily pad.
Why aren't people so smart?
-The Tao

Enough said. No commentary needed.

Keeping The Water Flowing

Today's reading from the Tao is very timely for me at this time of my life.

A moving door hinge never corrodes.
Flowing water never grows stagnant.

In the commentary we read that even in the autumn of your life, a time of life in which I find myself in the eternal Now, you cannot give up growth. If you do, you only invite decline. All the different aspects of a person...body, mind, and spirit...have one curious quality: If they cease to be exercised, they stop growing. Once they stop growing, they begin to atrophy. That is why, no matter how much you have accomplished and no matter how old you are, you must keep exercising all parts of yourself. The way of challenging oneself is also a valid but difficult path. Sometimes Tao chooses the difficult over the easy.

I am at a time in my life where I often feel tired. It is more than a physical fatigue. It might be called a fatigue of the spirit. As my wife likes to say, "I'm tired and I'm tired of it". It is not a fatigue based in negativity. It's the fatigue one accumulates when one has been "long on the journey". It might also be called the fatigue of faithfulness. I am getting very close to being 60 years old. I have been working for 40+ years. I've been married for 35+ years. I have been a parent for 30+ years. I have been faithful to all my commitments. When the alarm clock goes off each morning I get out of the bed and I do all the things I am supposed to do. If I say I will do something, I do it. If I say I will be somewhere, I will be there. I am as dependable as the rising and setting of the sun. On a good day, I am faithful. On an average day, I am on auto-pilot. On a bad day I am resentful of the expectations and demands made of me. The fuel that energizes me is a never ending desire and striving to sharpen my mind and renew my spirit. Admittedly, I haven't given enough time to renew and energize my body. I am sometimes physically lazy but I try to not be intellectually lazy. I try to be informed and educated through reading and dialogue. Although I have strayed a bit from organized religion, my trips to the monastery are not to document what kind of gas mileage I get on my car. The silence of that holy place feeds my spirit. I don't push myself as hard as some do, but I do try to have the mentality that life is a never ending opportunity to learn, to grow, and to become something new. I never want to retire just so I can sit in my chair all day and look out the window. Admittedly, a little time for such daydreaming would be nice. Until my last breath, I want to live as fully as I can. It doesn't come easy. The law of physics is correct when it says a body in motion tends to stay in motion and a body at rest tends to stay at rest. I fight the urge to give in to rest. I hope my body, mind, and spirit are always in motion and moving forward so the hinges of my being do not corrode and the waters of my life do not become stagnant.

Chloe And Pa Paw With A Couple of Friends

My granddaughter spent the weekend with my wife and me. It was the usual journey into the Land of Imagination where sponges become little boys and my Jerry Garcia doll comes alive. It's also Halloween time so green, disembodied hands grab you when you try to take candy out of a bowl. Now it is Sunday afternoon and my home is once again quiet. It's still amazing to me how much a five year old child can rock your world. Today is an absolutely beautiful autumn day. It's cool, the sun is shining bright, and the fall colors are really starting to burst forth. Life is good and beautiful.

My Extended Family

This is a picture of my extended family that includes my mother, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, brother in law's, sister in law's, boyfriends and girlfriends. Seated in the middle, holding a water bottle, is my mother who will soon be 80 years old. This picture was taken about a month ago at the annual Alzheimer's Memory walk. I was unable to participate this year but I hope to never miss it again. On the back of everyone's team shirt is a picture of my father. I miss him more than I ever thought I would. With Dad gone, I am now the patriarch of the family.

Shutting Out The Noise

When I woke up this morning it was dark, cold, and a light rain was falling. On top of this I didn't feel very well. I was up a couple of times during the night visiting the bathroom. My intestinal tract is like a delicate Eco system that must be carefully maintained. It doesn't take much to wreak havoc on it and throw everything out of balance. My desire and plan was to go to the monastery this morning. For a brief moment I considered staying home but, happily, I talked myself out of that idea. I took my normal route there and was frustrated with all the road construction. Three different highways had road repairs and narrowed lanes that caused some traffic backup even on a Saturday morning. I made a mental note to take a different route on the way home. When I got to the monastery another group had taken the room where we normally meet so we had to regroup a little. There was a nice group that showed up for our gathering and we had some really good discussion about how the lives and spirituality of the monks had and continues to impact our lives in the midst of family life, work life, and life "in the world". Part of the discussion dealt with the daily challenge of shutting out the noise in our lives. This is not only the physical noise perceived by our ears but also the noise in our over active and over stimulated minds that can result from the barrage of sounds and images and voices most of us experience in our daily lives. The quieting of the mind can be much more difficult than simply finding a quiet place. Before leaving the monastery I made a brief stop in the bookstore where I bought a book on the founders of the monastic order to which the monks of Gethsemani are descendants. Also, in order to add a little sweetness to my life, I bought some strawberry and blackberry preserves made by the monks. On the way home I took highway US 31E and it was a beautiful drive as the fall colors are beginning to emerge. Soon my granddaughter will arrive so I better stop and get in a brief nap while I can. I need to get prepared to switch mental gears from St. Benedict to SpongeBob Squarepants.

Learning From Snails

Here's something from dailyom.com that I wish I had written. It's very good and sums up well much of what I believe.

Enjoying a Snail's Pace
Doing Things Slowly

Life can often feel like it’s zipping by in fast forward. We feel obliged to accelerate our own speed along with it, until our productivity turns into frenzied accomplishment. We find ourselves cramming as much activity as possible into the shortest periods of time. We disregard our natural rhythms because it seems we have to just to keep up. In truth, rushing never gets you anywhere but on to the next activity or goal.

Slowing down allows you to not only savor your experiences, but also it allows you to fully focus your attention and energy on the task at hand. Moving at a slower place lets you get things done more efficiently, while rushing diminishes the quality of your work and your relationships. Slowing down also lets you be more mindful, deliberate, and fully present. When we slow down, we are giving ourselves the opportunity to reacquaint ourselves to our natural rhythms. We let go of the “fast forward” stress, and allow our bodies to remain centered and grounded. Slowing down is inherent to fully savoring anything in life. Rushing to take a bath can feel like an uncomfortable dunk in hot water, while taking a slow hot bath can be luxuriant and relaxing. A student cramming for a test will often feel tired and unsure, whereas someone who really absorbs the information will be more confident and relaxed. Cooking, eating, reading, and writing can become pleasurable when done slowly. ! Slowing down lets you become more absorbed in whatever it is you are doing. The food you eat tastes better, and the stories you read become more alive.

Slowing down allows you to disconnect from the frenzied pace buzzing around you so you can begin moving at your own pace. The moments we choose to live in fast forward motion then become a conscious choice rather than an involuntary action. Learning to slow down in our fast-moving world can take practice, but if you slow down long enough to try it, you may surprise yourself with how natural and organic living at this pace can be.