Conversations With Chloe

Yesterday I visited my mother.  My granddaughter, Chloe, went with me.  On the way to Chloe’s home after our visit I told her that my mother was 84 years old.  She looked at me and said, “Wow, she’s really good at living”.  This made me laugh and I thought it was a great way to look at aging.  Even though the general population is getting older, thanks to the baby boomers, our culture is usually obsessed with youthfulness.  I think it is a good thing when people, especially children, experience multiple generations.  Most people's perceptions of aging are changing.  There are approximately 75,000,000 baby boomers and for the most part we are kicking and screaming against pre-conceived notions of how older people should act.  Sometimes when I have the music cranking, and I am jumping around while playing air guitar, I think “I shouldn’t be do this.  I’m 63 years old”.  Then I keep on doing it.  After my conversation with Chloe yesterday I now realize it one small way I try to be good at living.  We had other interesting conversations over the weekend.  Sunday morning her stomach hurt a little but after going to the bathroom she felt better.  This led to a discussion about what poop really is.  After I explained it to her she said, “Paw Paw, you are like a teacher and a scientist”.  One question that really caught me off guard, however, was when she asked me why people commit suicide.  I explained that as best and as delicately as I could.  All of these Chloe questions and conversations are part of the reason I love being a grandfather.  Sometimes the questions are tough and I choose my words carefully but I think such conversations are what the old should be having with the young.  I am not just a guy who sits on the floor and plays games or who takes her to the movies.  Part of my role is to help my granddaughter understand the complexities of life.  No matter what she asks I always tell her the truth as best I can.  I don't try to BS her.  She is getting older, smarter, and more perceptive by the day.  I love being with her.  It keeps me on my toes.         

The Weekend Is Here!

Today is Friday and the end of my work week.  It is a beautiful morning and I am feeling pretty good.  There will be lots of excitement in the air today as workers in the surrounding area make preparations for tomorrow’s “Thunder Over Louisville” air show and fireworks extravaganza.  Yesterday, and again today, the sound of sonic booms from military jets flying over the river will rock my office.  Tomorrow’s events are the beginning of the Kentucky Derby Festival.  In my hometown this is huge.  It is the unofficial beginning of spring, and after the winter we’ve had, people are ready to party.  Derby time in Louisville is as much a holiday season as Christmas.  In a perfect world employers would just shut down and give all their employees a two week vacation.  Since I am stuck in my office today I am hoping for a quiet and uneventful day.  I would like to ease into the weekend.  At some point I will venture outside and take in the weather and all the activities.  I am pretty sure the hot dog vendor will be there and today I will not resist the urge for a bratwurst.  When I get home today I need to rest up for my granddaughter’s visit this weekend.  One has to be in shape and well rested for Chloe.  I should also be seeing my son the priest.  He will be traveling home today from San Francisco.  His car is currently parked in my driveway and I’m afraid I am going to run into it.  Even though he is a priest I am not sure he would forgive me for that since it’s a new car.          

 

Teachable Moments

I think every experience in life is a teachable moment.  These moments are not only an opportunity for me to teach others but also an opportunity for life to teach me.  In the work environment we often use the term “coachable” moment.  I don’t really like this term because it implies to me that the events of a particular moment always need to be corrected.  Some experiences are what they are, and while some mistakes may need to be corrected, mistakes are not the only soil from which a learning opportunity sprouts.  I also believe what a former teacher of mine, Richard Rohr, once said, “The moment is as perfect as it can be”.  All of life is a never ending learning experience.  It doesn’t matter how old you are or how many degrees you hold, life will continue to teach you.  Sometimes I think I know everything I need to know but life keeps enlightening me with even more knowledge and wisdom.  As I’ve said before, in recent years my granddaughter has been my teacher.  Like most children, she is a natural Zen Master.  When I am with her I try to see life through her eyes and I try to let my inner child appear.  Sometimes, when I let go, I can be a nine year old child.  When this happens I can see life with a renewed freshness and not through the eyes of a tired, slightly jaded, sixty three year old.  Today, for example, I am not feeling it.  It’s Thursday and that is the day of the week when I start running out of gas.  I hate to feel this way.  My fatigue is part physical, part emotional, and part spiritual.  The teaching of the moment is that I need some personal renewal.  I need to regain my excitement about being alive.  I need to fill up the gas tank of my soul with some high octane gas.  Sometime when you are my age and you’ve been doing everything in your life for a very long time, it hard to find a gas station that gives you the energy that you need.  The good news for me at this moment is that my Zen teacher will be spending the weekend at my house.  She never runs out of gas.  If I can’t keep up, she will drag me along.  She’s exhausting and energizing at the same time.  I wonder what she will teach me this weekend?     

Happiness Lost & Found

I almost experienced complete and total happiness yesterday but then I talked myself out of it.  It was the middle of the afternoon and I felt the need for some fresh air and exercise.  I went outside for a walk.  I noticed that the dogwood trees were blooming.  They may have been blooming for a few days and I was asleep at the wheel.  I stood and looked at them for a while and then I continued my walk.  Soon a wonderful aroma came wafting through the air from the grill of the hot dog vendor parked outside my office.  I could feel myself being seduced by the thought of a freshly grilled and piping hot bratwurst.  However, as I was reaching for my wallet to see if I had any money, I returned to reality from my semi-conscious state and I resisted the urge to buy a bratwurst for the simple joy of consuming it.  This is the closest I have been to complete happiness lately and what did I do?  I threw it all away for the sake of health.  I did experience some happiness on Monday.  It was a typical beginning to another work week.  I wasn’t in the mood for work after four days off.  To make it even worse, it rained all day.  I did find some relief in the thought that I was going to get out of work earlier than usual.  As soon as I had that thought, the telephone rang and it was my oldest son saying “Dad, do you think you could pick up Chloe from school today”?  It was a bittersweet moment.  On the one hand it meant driving across town in the pouring rain on a day I thought I would get home early.  On the other hand it was an opportunity to see my granddaughter and that always bring me happiness.  I agreed to pick her up.  When I showed up at her school I hit the school bus and car rider rush hour which must be a daily hell for some parents.  I found my way into the school and quickly located Chloe in the sea of children.  She ran towards me tossing her back pack like a basketball player on the free throw line.  We walked to the car and talked about our day.  After getting in the car I asked her about an argument I had heard she had with her step mom.  She told me her step mom got mad when she rolled her eyes at her after being told to do something.  I told her I understood and that I often did the same thing when her grandma tells me to do something.  It was a true bonding moment for us.  Any time I get to be with my granddaughter is a happy moment for me.  For complete and total happiness I need to have Chloe with me the next time I walk past the hot dog vendor.  Then we can both buy a bratwurst and look at the blooming dogwood trees together.    

Being Contemplative

I have occasionally referred to myself as a contemplative.  What is a contemplative?  I am not an expert on contemplation but here's my perspective.  People who know me well know I am very introverted and introspective.  I think you can learn to be contemplative but some personality types seem to be naturally contemplative.  I hesitate to call it a skill but as a behavior and a way of being one can practice it even if it does seem to go against your nature.  In all the major religions there are contemplative traditions but I also think you can be a contemplative person without necessarily being a religious person or someone who goes to church every Sunday.  In my mind a contemplative person is one who takes the time to stand back or step away from the fast pace of life and simply breathe.  The contemplative is someone who likes life in the slow lane.  It's about being awake enough and present enough to not only notice the flowers but also be willing to stop and smell them.  It's being present to life in all its details.  Some call this mindfulness.  For those who are spiritually inclined it can also be about having an awareness of God's presence in life.  Perhaps you have read the story of the prophet Elijah in the Book of Kings in the Hebrew Scriptures.  He had challenged the prophets of the false god Baal to a duel.  To make a long story short, Elijah’s God won so the guys that lost ran Elijah out of town.  He hid in a cave on a mountain.  There was thunder and lightning and earthquakes and all that kind of scary stuff but God was not present in them.  Finally, there was a small whispering sound like a gentle breeze.  Elijah hid his face for in the gentle breeze God was present.  The contemplative person is one who has achieved an interior quiet that allows him to notice the small whispering sounds in life where God is often present.  If you are constantly running through life, busy all the time, stressed out, and meeting yourself coming and going, you will miss such opportunities.  I don't think you can truly be a contemplative person if you are running through your life like your hair is on fire.  

Some Thoughts On Education

Education gives you knowledge but life gives you wisdom.  Many of the people I have interviewed for jobs and some of the people who work with me now are better educated than I am.   Their education, however, is just a starting point.  It is the foundation on which their life experience will build.  I am a strong advocate of education.  I think it separates people more than anything, including race or gender.  I wish now that I had given my education more attention when I was younger.  The experience of life hopefully makes us wiser but that is not guaranteed.  Not all older people are wise and not all younger people naive.  Wisdom chooses its home.  In the Rule of St Benedict, a 1500 year old guidebook for monasteries, the old are told to listen to the young for God often speaks through them.  Likewise, the young are told to treat their elders with respect.  Those of us who are a little older can learn from the young.  It happens to me almost every day at work.  Those who are younger should realize that their parents and other older people are not clueless.  We've been down many roads in our lives and we have experienced many things that might prove helpful for those who have not yet had these experiences.  The bottom line is that you should never should stop learning.  To be a truly educated person, you must be open to everything that books and life teaches you and you must remember that education is also more than just having a skill.  An educated person is a thinking person who can see the connectedness of life and knowledge.

Thinking Ahead

I was reading an article in the Sunday newspaper that asked the question “When should a person retire”?  The answer was “Never”!  This answer was not based on the financial needs that many people will face in retirement.  The writer believed that even if a person is financially secure they should still never retire.  Does this mean that I should stay with my current employer until I keel over in my cubicle?  Unless I have the biggest surprise of my life that is not going to happen.  I know I have 2-3 years left of working for money before I can retire.  I plan to use this time to plan the rest of my life.  Yesterday morning I was sitting in the lobby of Jewish Hospital East while my wife having some blood work done.  I observed all the people walking into the hospital and I pictured myself being one of those guys pushing people around in wheelchairs.  I then thought back to a distant time when I was a young seminarian working in a soup kitchen for the homeless.  Over the years I have done other types of ministry as well.  Occasionally I imagine myself helping and working with my son who is a priest.  When I am no longer working to make a living I hope to devote myself to some kind of service and ministry.  I do this now to some extent in my daily work.  However, along with the opportunities for ministry at work I also have the responsibility to push and pull people along and on a bad day I must counsel them in the error of their ways.  Pushing and pulling and disciplining are not in my nature.  Nurturing and encouraging and helping are more my style.  I have never seen retirement as a time to come to a screeching halt and spend all my time sleeping in my Lazy Boy.  That is the quickest way to guarantee a short retirement.  I recently read a quote from Erma Bombeck who said “When I die I was to be totally empty.  I want to tell God that I used up everything He gave me”.  I think this is a great attitude.  I want to use every experience I ever had and everything I’ve ever done in some kind of service.  I want to use my nature, my personality, my education, my time as a monk, my life as a husband, father, and grandfather, my work experience and my management skills, as well as my ever present desire to practice kindness and compassion, in some type of service and ministry.  Whatever I am, whatever I have, I want to use it all up.