Allowing Good People To Do Great Work

“If we are mindful, we are aware of the tendency to first concentrate and then to feel anger when something interferes with that concentration.  With mindfulness we can concentrate when it is appropriate to do so and not concentrate when it is appropriate to do so.”

-Ajahn Sumedho

 

I am a creature of habit and routine.  In my head is a mental checklist of what I need to accomplish every day at work.  Despite what some may think I am very focused on what I am trying to accomplish.  One of my previous leaders told me that when I am into what I am doing I am hyper-focused.  I admit that when I am concentrating or when I am hyper-focused I don’t like to be interrupted.  I am the kind of person that once I am told what needs to be done, I prefer that you stay out of the way and let me get it done.  Every married man has a never ending “Honeydew” list.  I cannot speak for all married men but I can work through my list much quicker and with greater efficiency when my wife is not actually present.  There are people who create tasks and there are people who perform them.  For the best results, there needs to be some separation and, most importantly, some trust between the task creators and the task doer’s.  As I have said to my wife, at the risk of my personal well-being, “If you are going to tell me every move to make, why don’t you just do it yourself?”  The world is full of control freaks and micro-managers.  They can be at home or in the office.  It has always been my belief that these types of people have trust issues.  They are not comfortable allowing people to accomplish tasks on their own.  I am not a big Ronald Reagan fan but there is a saying attributed to him that I like.  He said, “Great leaders surround themselves with smart people and then they get out of the way”.  Too often some leaders feel they must control everything instead of supporting the process by allowing good people to do great work.      

 

Living In My Inner World

“Mindfulness is paying attention to the right things, and paying no attention to the wrong things”

-Unknown

 

“I’ve come to the realization that almost nothing is any of my business”

-A monk of Gethsemani named Brother Cassian

 

Most of the people who work in my office see me walking around with my ear buds in and my head appearing to be in the clouds.  I will admit to having a music addiction.  It began as a teen-ager and has continued into my golden years.  I eat, sleep, and breath music and I was born to rock and roll.  In most ways it is a harmless addiction.  I keep it under control most of the time in terms of spending money.  If it has a negative impact it is that I don’t spend enough time in silence.  Listening to music, especially in the work environment, actually helps me to stay focused on my own objectives and to be blissfully uninvolved in most of what goes on around me.  This mindful focus on music prevents me from getting pulled into conversations and activities that have little value to me and are probably a waste of my time.  Some people probably think I am not engaged or aware but even with my perceived withdrawal, there is little that gets past me.  I am more aware of what is going on around me than many people think I am.  I just choose to not acknowledge it or to participate in it.  My attitude about engaging with life is deeply influenced by my introverted personality.  Most of what goes on around me is very draining and exhausting to a person like me.  Some of you are probably nodding your heads in agreement as you read this.  Living in my own inner world is really the only way I can live in the outer world.     

 

What, At This Moment, Is Lacking?

“Two thoughts cannot coexist at the same time: if the clear light of mindfulness is present, there is no room for mental twilight”.

-Nyanaponika Therea

 

I once read that if you don’t intentionally think positive thoughts your mind will automatically default to negative thoughts.  You can’t think two thoughts at the same time.  You can only move from one to another.  Depending on where you are, this movement is either going in the right direction or the wrong direction.  It is a challenge to be positive all the time.  Every generation feels like the world is going to hell in a hand basket.  The nightly news is almost always depressing except for the feel good story at the end.  How does one counteract the world’s craziness, or even the craziness of your own life?  I know I must sound like a broken record but I think you can only stay sane by living in the moment, appreciating what is good in your life, and being grateful for what is not in your life.  In a deep conversation I once had with a co-worker, he told me that his response to many arguments and political disagreements, is “What have you lost”?  A Chinese philosopher named Lin-Chi once asked, “What, at this moment, is lacking”?  When you ask most people, who feel threatened by perceived changes, what they have really lost, the answer is usually nothing.  When you ask most people what truly essential things are missing in their life, the answer is often nothing.  Perception and reality are rarely the same and there is often a big gap between what people need and what they want.  There are people who don’t have the most basic needs to sustain life.  However, most people, at least in this country, do have their basic needs met.  What is missing for many is a sense of spiritual and emotional well-being.  You can be well fed but starved for love.  What is ironic is that many people with the least amount of money or material goods are often the happiness people.  If you only have room for one thought, think about that.    

Happiness Is Found In Moments

When we stop dwelling on the past or worrying about the future, we’re open to rich sources of information we’ve been missing out on…information that can keep us out of the downward spiral and poised for a richer life.

-Mark Williams

 

In my lifetime many people have told me to never have regrets.  I have tried to follow their advice but in all honesty there have been moments where I wonder if all my decisions were the right ones or the best ones.  Am I really where I am supposed to be?  Would I be happier if I had made different decisions in my past?  Are all of our lives what they were destined to be or have some of us really screwed up?  I must admit that I have never been overwhelmingly happy in my life.  At this very time I am struggling a bit because I feel I have lost my way and I don’t think I have much going on in terms of value, purpose, and meaning.  In spite of my own self-doubts people routinely tell me that I have made a difference in their lives.  This begs the question, “Are our lives for ourselves or for others?”  The Dalai Lama says the whole point of life is to be happy.  I not only struggle with this but the great majority of people I encounter seem to as well.  Some people are content if nothing bad is happening in their life.  Nothing good may be happening either but at least they are not suffering.  It’s like that middle option on many surveys.  When 1 is awful and 5 is fantastic, most people choose 3 which usually described as neutral.  A general sense of happiness has been elusive for me.  Any happiness or joy I have experienced has been in moments, not in days, weeks, months, or years.  Most of life has been a constant challenge and a lot of work.  I live for the unexpected moments when I feel happy, content, or blessed.  They give me the strength to deal with all the other moments when I feel overwhelmed or weary of life’s journey.  Mindfulness helps me to be awake and aware so the good moments don’t flow past me without my being aware of them.         

Our Mind Can Be Our Worst Enemy

“Mindfulness has never met a cognition it didn’t like”.

-Daniel J. Siegal

 

“Our minds are full of irritants, like fear and jealousy and greed.  Mindfulness is a way of clearing our minds of such irritants”.

-Unknown

 

Mindfulness is a kind of pure state where we are flowing and are one with where we are and what we are doing to the point of transcending time and space.  Admittedly it is difficult to maintain this level of consciousness all the time.  To use a meditation term of reference, we get pulled out of our center by distracting thoughts.  Many of our distracting thoughts are in our head and are fear based.  As I have told my wife on many occasions, most of your fears never happen.  I admit that one time in some previous daily thoughts I mentioned like five things you frequently hear about on the news but most people never experience in their life time.  A woman wrote to me and told me that every single one of my examples had happened to her!  Statistically, this was an anomaly.  In general, your mind is your worst enemy.  Sometimes it almost seems like we were given our minds just so they could taunt us.  Our minds, not our reality, generate most, if not all, the negative emotions that we feel.  By practicing mindfulness we focus on the reality of the moment and not the imaginary fears in our heads.  Less any of you think I am totally out of touch with reality, I accept that sometimes bad things really do happen to all of us.  Life is not perfect and there are difficult moments.  It has been my experience that most things in life are 80/20.  With that presupposition, I submit that 80% of life is mostly good.  Sometimes the remaining 20% can be very challenging but even that can be a perception and not true reality.  One must understand the difference between a crisis and an inconvenience.  Live in the moment and be grateful, not just for what you have, but also for what you don’t have.    

Beginner's Mind

“Our vision is more obstructed by what we think we know than by our lack of knowledge.”

-Kristen Stendahl

 

This quote by Kristen Stendahl reminded me of another quote…

 

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”
-Shunryu Suzuki, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind: Informal Talks on Zen Meditation and Practice  

 

We all like to hope that we have acquired some knowledge and wisdom on our life’s journey.  This is especially true if you are a parent or grandparent and you are trying to guide your children and grandchildren through the challenges of their lives.  I wouldn’t give my granddaughter so many “life lessons” if I didn’t think I had something to teach her.  Although I believe the gathering of experience and wisdom has value, there is a lot to be said for being open minded and willing to accept new and different points of view.  We should always avoid the mentality that “we’ve always done it that way”.  I have not taken enough risks in my life and too often have taken the path of least resistance by following the tried and the true.  Even if something is tried and true, that doesn’t mean it is the only way to think or to do something.  What we need to be in our lives and work places are experts with beginner’s minds.  You can’t go through life foolishly and uninformed but you also can’t go through life so closed minded or so rigid that you cannot bend or change.  Allow yourself to be surprised with possibilities.  Instead of asking why, ask why not?  Something I like to say in the workplace is “Where is that written?”  People are always creating boundaries and making up rules.  Sometimes these things are necessary but they can also be limiting.  You don’t have to color inside imaginary lines.  Be a person of possibilities and not a person of limitations.     

Mindfulness Meditation Doesn't Change Life

“Mindfulness meditation doesn’t change life.  Life remains as fragile and unpredictable as ever.  Meditation changes the heart’s capacity to accept life as it is.”

-Sylvia Boorstein

 

I believe that many people think meditation is a way to escape reality.  There have been people who joke that I walk around in a Zen daze while everyone around me is freaking out.  Meditation is to the spirit what physical exercise is to the body.  Exercising is not necessarily enjoyable but when done on a regular basis it keeps the body in shape so when the body is tested, it is ready.  Meditation is much the same.  Sometimes I enjoy meditating.  I will feel peaceful and content.  Other times it is not really that great and I will be restless and fidgety while I am doing it.  However, like the effect of physical exercise on the body over the long haul, meditation can help your spirit to be in shape when it is tested by the trials and tribulations of everyday life.  I think meditation is at least part of the reason I am the calm person that most people think I am.  This doesn’t mean I can never lose it.  Occasionally I do get angry and there are times when I do what my family calls “flailing”.  Meditation helps me to have emotional balance in my life.  We all have challenges in our lives although they may not be the same for everyone.  Some of you may think you have never meditated and perhaps the idea sounds too esoteric for you.  For some meditation is also some type of prayer practice that you do on a regular basis.  The words prayer, meditation, and contemplation are interchangeable on many levels.  There are differences in nuance and technique but whatever you what to call it, taking some time in your day for the pause that refreshes should be something that your value and prioritize.