Hibernation

The cold nights and shorter days make me feel like a bear that needs to hibernate. When my morning alarm clock goes off I am in total disbelief. I feel like a just closed my eyes and now I have to get up and start a new day??? You've got to be kidding me! As I slowly walk to my bathroom all the coming demands of the new day flash through my brain. In the predawn darkness, the return to my bed at day's end seems like a distant dream. Daylight may be increasingly shorter as we approach the winter solstice but it still feels as though I have many long miles to travel before I sleep again. Sometimes on these cold days I duck outside hoping a blast of cool air will revive me and energize me for the remainder of my day. It doesn't. All it does is make me feel cold as it chases me back into the warm and sleepy building where I work. Modern work and our 24 hour culture have no respect for the change of seasons or our biological inner clocks. The demands of life think everyday is the summer solstice and we are at the peak of the summer planting season. I don't mind cold weather. I even prefer it to Kentucky's summer heat and humidity. What I do quickly tire of is leaving home in the dark and then returning home in the dark. Once darkness covers the land I am rarely outside of my home. I am no longer young and my days of running the streets at night and howling at the moon are way behind me. OK, I do occasionally do it now but when I do I must plan a vacation day the next day. As your age increases, so does your recovery time. O well, tomorrow is Saturday and I can hibernate a little longer in the morning.

Personalities

My granddaughter amazes me. She has the wonderful childlike quality of truly being in the moment. In this regard she is a true Zen Master. This Christmas season is the first year she really gets the whole Santa thing. The moment I walked into the day care on Tuesday, she immediately started telling me what Santa was bringing her. I doubt that Chloe's parents know about anything on Chloe's personal list. It probably changes everyday. A few weeks ago my wife and I bought her a pink stuffed horse the size of a Shetland pony. I got a lot of stares as I carried this animal through Toys R Us. I'm sure this magical creature will be needed to pull the wagon that will hold all of her other gifts. During a recent five star dinner at Dairy Queen she told my wife and me about her recent visit with Santa. According to her, Santa looks a lot like me! After dinner, when we got to my house, she had to check out all the Christmas decorations. Chloe is also developing memories. When she was at my house on Tuesday, she remembered a bad habit I taught her several weeks ago. "Let's eat sugar, Pa Paw"! In a moment of wondering "What can we do now?" I had taught her how to get her finger wet and then stick it in a sugar bowl. "This tastes really good, Pa Paw"! I guess I now need to let her help me bake a cake so she can learn to lick the extra batter from the bowl. She will be over again tonight. What kind of trouble will we get into?

Yesterday one of my readers sent me an article with suggestions on how to do a better job of preparing for Christmas on a spiritual level in the midst of all the secular and commercial busyness. This coming Sunday is the 1st Sunday of Advent. Advent is a time of waiting and preparation for Christmas and the celebration of the birth of Jesus. I am enclosing the link for those who are interested.http://www.creighton.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/Advent/deep-tho-busy.html

I have often read that who we think we are is not who we are at all. Most people are judged and evaluated by their personalities. Our personality is not who we are. Our personality is one of many masks that we wear as we participate in the great drama of life. As Shakespeare once said, "All the world's a stage". Our personalities are little more than characters we play in life. The personality that the world sees is something all of us have created for ourselves. Of course, it was not a conscious creation. It is our life experience, especially our childhood, that was the inspiration for the face that we present to the world. Psychology tells us that we created our personalities as ways to protect ourselves from the traumas of life. My personality appears on the surface as very laid back, peaceful, and easy going. It's not all a lie but it sometimes masks less desirable traits such as being angry, rebellious, and hostile. The personality you see is a sometimes false image of who I really am. My passive persona masks a very passionate person. It hides how I sometimes feel because I don't want to be angry, rebellious, or hostile. Other times I may seem withdrawn because it is difficult to express what I am really feeling. I am not always happy with my own behavior or needs. I wish that I always felt like I appear to others. So what's the point of this? The spiritual journey is a journey into ourselves, through the maze of false selves and personality characteristics, where someday we hope to find ourselves in God. This finding of ourselves in God will reveal our true self. our true nature, and the essence of who we really are. I'm not quite there yet. Some days I feel like I am on the right path. Other days I feel lost in the forest of my own contradictions with no bread crumbs to help me find my way back. Those are the days where I feel as though I am just wandering aimlessly through life.

What Is Community?

Yesterday I went outside for a break and some fresh air. I saw my daughter in law, Stacy, who told me that Chloe was looking forward to me picking her up at the day care. I had not seen Chloe for almost two weeks. That's the longest I have gone without seeing her except for the 53 years I waited for her to be born. Because of my son's illness, she missed our trip to the mountains and she was visiting her other Grandma on Thanksgiving. It was great to see her. She missed me and I definitely missed her.

I am supposed to give a reflection tonight on the topic of community. I'm not sure what I am going to say. What is a community and what does it mean in today's world? Well, this isn't 1858 and most of us do not live in small towns or villages where everyone knows everyone else as well as all their business. If someone asked me about my community, I would answer, "Which one"? I am part of the world community of people that inhabits the third planet from the sun called Earth. I also live in a city and a neighborhood. Within my neighborhood, I live in a Church community. I am also part of an extended and nuclear family. In addition to all of this, I am part of a work family and, even though I am a married man, I consider myself part of the extended family of the monastery. In some sense I could also consider myself part of the Internet family because I publish my daily thoughts on a web page for the world to read. Finally, but certainly not least, there is my family of friends. So, when you think about it, defining the meaning of community is not easy. I guess the reality for most people and me is that we are part of a community of communities. I live in many worlds and there is much diversity within these worlds. I sometimes wonder what it would look like to collect all the different kinds of people in my life together in one room. I guess my community is all the people I care about and who care about me as well as all the people I should care about. There should be no one I don't care about on some level. My community is everyone.

Slowing Down The Holidays

What a great combination of events I experienced yesterday. It was my first day back to work after being on vacation for ten days, it was Monday, and it rained all day. I also experienced something called "Back to Work Re-Adjustment Anxiety Syndrome". A few cups of coffee, a couple of hundred emails, and a system problem that sent everyone in the office emails telling them they weren't going to get a paycheck this week jolted me back into coherence. Now I feel like I never left. I did enjoy my time off and it was mostly a good experience. I am grateful for vacations and despite my occasional desire to never work another day in my life, I must admit that I am a person who needs structure and a reason to get out of bed. Too many days with nothing to do and I would turn into a human cauliflower.

This is the last week of November. This time of year always seem to be in hyper drive. Before the pumpkins turned to mush we were already thinking about turkeys. At my house we are still eating Thanksgiving leftovers and yesterday I saw my first advertisement for a New Year's Eve dance. Lets all just slow it down a bit! The commercial Christmas season can feel like a runaway train. Every year I tell myself to focus on the true meaning of Christmas and every year I feel run over by the Christmas train. The sad thing is that I don't even do much at Christmas besides take orders from my wife. She drives the train. She's the engineer. I'm riding in the caboose. All of the behind the scenes magic that makes our traditional Christmas morning nice is because of all the work she does. You've never seen anyone crunch the numbers like my wife. Somehow everyone seems to get what they want without my wife and I having our home repossessed. That alone is a Christmas miracle.

If you celebrate Christmas, and not everyone does, it's a good thing to not get totally overwhelmed with the gift buying and multitude of voices telling you what Christmas should be. Seek some balance in your life between the gift giving and the soul searching. Be as generous as you can but not to the detriment of your life. Find some quiet moments in the madness of shopping and wrapping presents. Take some time each day to simply breathe. Don't let the stress of the holidays destroy the joy that should also be there. The greatest gifts are the people in our lives. I can't even remember the material gifts I received last year.

Back To Reality Again

I hope that everyone had a pleasant and happy Thanksgiving weekend. I feel like I have been gone a very long time but now that I am back the time seems to have gone by quickly. I began my Thanksgiving break way back on the afternoon of November 15th. I left work early that day because my oldest son, Mike, who is also Chloe's father, was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. He had been feeling poorly most of the week and it finally got serious enough to require hospital treatment. Besides the seriousness of the illness, and the annoyance of being in the hospital, it also prevented him, his wife, and Chloe from joining my wife and I on a trip to the mountains. At this time Mike is out of the hospital and on the road to recovery. He managed to be well enough to share in a wonderful Thanksgiving meal prepared by my sister in law, Judy. The torch of my mother in law's culinary skills has been passed to Judy. She's quite the cook and our meal was a feast. Still full of turkey and dressing from Thanksgiving, I managed to see the movie "Beowulf" on Friday afternoon and also take in a blues concert by a fellow named Joe Bonamassa on Friday night. Another highlight of the week was my other son, Nick, being home from the seminary for short vacation. Last night we sent him back to Indianapolis in the cold and the rain. There's still a few weeks left in the semester. He will be home again in a few weeks.

Most of last summer was so hot, and we went so long without a decent rain, it appeared that this season might be the autumn that wasn't. However, on the day I left work early to check on my son in the hospital, I took a slightly different route from work. I drove through the Highlands, along Grinstead Drive to Lexington Road, and down Cannons Lane along the park. While driving I was suddenly and unexpectedly overwhelmed with the beauty of the leaves on all the trees. It was as though the burnt oranges and dull browns has been transformed overnight. I was experiencing the peak of the fall colors and they were as good as it gets in this part of the country. Of course, nothing I've seen compares to New England in the fall. It got even better as I drove the next day to the Great Smoky Mountains in east Tennessee. All the vibrant colors that millions go to see in mid October were present during my trip. The natural cycle has been delayed a month, much to my gain and pleasure. I was there four days and three nights. The weather was perfect and the sun was shining. People were sparse and we had no trouble getting into restaurants or shops. The town of Gatlinburg was all decorated for Christmas and all the lights and decorations were beautiful. The whole trip was relaxing and stress free. I did miss Chloe's excitement but there will be other trips with her.

Now the autumn beauty of last week is over. Most of the leaves have been stripped from the trees by the wind and the rains. We are now experiencing the bleak landscape of late autumn/early winter. The cold is starting to appear more frequently. However, Christmas is only weeks away and with it are dreams of snow that can quickly and quietly convert the barrenness into a winter wonderland. A few weeks ago I anticipated autumn's beauty. Now I am eager for the beauty of winter and snow.

The Time Has Come Today

When I was driving into the parking garage yesterday I was jamming to an old classic rock song from the sixties called "The Time Has Come Today" by the Chamber's Brothers. I had a few flashbacks to a rock festival I attend in 1970 where I saw the Chamber's Brothers and many others perform. The song's title made me think about time. We are so careless about time. We waste it and squander it. We think we have all the time in the world. I have sometimes been guilty of this since I do have a tendency to procrastinate. I am trying to get over this. When I speak of procrastination, I am not just talking about putting off unpleasant tasks. I am talking about putting off living. I don't think we should live this life in a panic but I do believe we should live life with some sense of urgency. As clique as it sounds, everyday is truly a gift. The present moment is the time that has come today. We should soak up life like a sponge absorbs water. Living well doesn't demand great adventure or exotic travels. Most of my journeys have been within myself. It's a world I have only partially explored. How does one live well while going through a normal, perhaps, unglamorous day? I think it starts with just having a grateful attitude and allowing yourself to become more aware of life's simple joys. Enjoy whatever you are doing or whoever you are with. Let go and laugh more. Don't be so serious all the time. Don't take anything for granted. Seize the day! Spend more time doing what you love. Don't feel like you have to constantly justify yourself to others. It's your life. Follow your heart and your muse. Quit living your life according to other people's agenda's. Be responsible and accountable for the obligations you have in life but do not carry them around as though they are a crushing burden. If you feel this way it might be time to reevaluate your obligations. Travel lightly through life as though you are a backpacker on the Appalachian Trail. Carry only what is essential. Simplify your life. Have a sense of wonder. Don't loose your ability to notice and be awed by the sacred that is sometimes hidden in life. Think on a deeper level. Allow life's little hurts and slights to roll off your back and be a forgiving person. Life is too short to be upset all the time.

My wife recently went to a family wedding shower. At one point everyone had to go around the room and give the bride to be advice on marriage. My wife and I have been married for 33+ years. My wife's advice to the young bride to be was "Each of you needs to find your own space and stay there as much as possible"! It's actually very good advice and I agree with it. There is such a thing as too much togetherness. In my marriage there's my space, her space, and our space.

Why Do We Love Vacations?

This coming Friday I will begin a vacation that will include all of Thanksgiving week. As you can imagine, I am chomping at the bit for it to begin. Why are we so eager for vacations? It's not like my life is so horrible that I feel a need to escape it. Yes, I sometimes get weary of it's demands but, in general, I have a nice life. Most of my vacations are not that exciting. They are often just a break from my usual schedule. Maybe we like vacations because they give us the illusion of freedom. We schedule time away from our normal commitments so we are "free" to do as we please. Some of us long for time off to escape the boredom of our normal, and seemingly unchanging, routines. On the flip side, some people I know who are retired complain of being busier now than ever while others are sometimes bored with all their freedom. Most of us are restless souls. We are never completely happy and we often long for something that we cannot actually name. I believe our restlessness and our longing are a form of spiritual emptiness. Even though I try to be a spiritual person, I, too, sometimes feel restless and empty. I certainly have my moments where all of life seems good and my soul is joyful. Because I am human, these moments are sometimes balanced with restlessness, feelings of emptiness, and boredom with life. In these moments I often think of the words of St. Augustine. He said, "Our hearts are restless, O God, until they rest in you"! I guess it is my wonder about the truth of these words that keeps me on the spiritual path. I do not like to feel restless, empty, or bored. When I do, I don't blame life. I look within and wonder why I feel like this. Sometimes, when you feel like this, it is time for a break in your life. It is time to get out of your normal routine, take some time off, have some fun, and renew yourself. This is why we love vacations. Renewal and rest feels good!

When a man becomes a monk, one of the vows he takes is stability. This means that the monk commits himself to a particular group of people and to a particular place. Unless there is a special reason or a need for him elsewhere, the monk will generally live his entire life in the same place and with the same people who persevere with him. Stability is a difficult concept in a culture where 50% of all marriages fail and everyone seems to be on the move. I think what stability might ask of us is to think beyond our own needs. Stability might be challenging us about our own restlessness. Why are so many people unrooted? Why are so many more like tumbleweeds than oak trees? Why are we so reluctant to plant ourselves and take deep root?