Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm Still Here

Recently a friend wrote the following on my Facebook wall, "So did you just move out of our lives or what"? I could see why he and others might think that. I have not dropped off the face of the earth. In a sense, however, I have retreated. I currently have no obligations or commitments beyond work and family. It has never been a secret that I am a solitary person. This very night I have enjoyed being alone in my room most of the evening. I have only ventured out to talk to the workmen in my backyard who are building me a wonderful privacy fence that looks and feels like a monastic enclosure. I also made a quick run to the grocery to pick up some items for an office meeting and employee ice cream buffet. In addition to my wonderful new fence, my thoughtful wife bought me a beautiful, solar powered Buddha fountain for my new enclosure. Maybe on my next visit to the monastery I can talk one of the monks into giving me one of their signs that says "Silence is spoken here". The backyard is still a little messy with construction debris but it will soon be a wonderful place to sit, be still, and bath in silence.

While I was at the grocery I ran into a person from work that I have not seen in quite a while. Whenever I meet someone like this they always say, "I still miss your daily thoughts". They are referring to a time when I sent out daily thoughts via email to approximately 600 people. In those days I pushed myself to write something five days a week. Now I feel like I can barely come up with anything worth sharing once a week. Nothing much has changed from the days of daily emails and now. Even then I was working full time and feeling just as tired at night as I do most nights now. I'm sure I still have things to say that others will find worth reading but these things surface less frequently now. I've said so much over the years. Since my daily emails morphed into this blog I have made over 800 entries here. These days I think I am more in a listening mode than a talking or writing mode. I am deep into middle age. It is a time of many blessings but it is also a time of feeling a little lost. I am near the end of some journeys and perhaps near the beginning of journeys that have not been revealed to me yet. So, I am still here though perhaps a little quieter.

For those of you who have been wondering where I am, I have a question for you.

Where are all of you?

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