Sometimes I wonder if all the spiritual books I’ve completed, all the meditation I have done, and all the prayers I have said, have made any difference whatsoever in my life. I also wonder this about all the things I have written. Why do I stress myself out trying to write meaningful things? If I am honest I would have to say that most of my life I have wrestled with angels and fought with God. Some days I think it would be easier if I did none of these things. I wonder why some people go to the gym every day when the reality is that even healthy people eventually die. Why do people go to college and rack up massive debt in student loans only to often end up in unsatisfying, low paying jobs? I think we all do these things because there is something within us that longs for some kind of fullness. We feel incomplete so we spend our lives trying to fill our emptiness. I think this is human nature. Despite my own lack of spiritual consolations, I think our emptiness, our hunger, and our desire for some kind of fullness is really a desire for God, whatever and whoever God is for individuals. We do many things in our lives, often without any sense of instant gratification, because we are all trying to follow whatever inner voice we hear. Something within us, something mysterious, drives us to long for and seek the other shore across the ocean of our lives. Sometimes I wish my inner voice would shut up. However, I also hope I continue to hear my inner voice even if it is barely a whisper.
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