Storms Of Life

There is an old saying of unknown origin that goes “When it rains, it pours”. It definitely rained last night in my part of the world and depending on where you live it may have really poured. The weatherman said we got anywhere from 3-5 inches. I had a difficult time falling asleep last night and it seemed like whenever I did a clap of thunder woke me up and lightening lit up my bedroom. I had at least one power surge during the night so clocks all over my house were flashing when my alarm clock went off. I had to reset them all when I got home tonight. The storms of life disrupt our sleep, throw our electronic devices into a frenzy, and in some cases, like with my computer, completely shut them down. Weather related storms are a part of life. Metaphorical storms, as evidenced by the challenges and disruptions of daily life, can also disrupt our sleep, throw us into a frenzy, and occasionally make us feel like we have no option but to shut down. These storms, too, are a part of life. Many of them we see coming and we can be prepared. Some of them, however, blow up unexpectedly and we are not always prepared. Like with natural weather related storms the best thing we can do while it is happening is to find a place of safety. Family and friends provide us with the best shelter. When the storm is over, come out of your shelter, take a deep breath, and survey the damage. Sometimes it looks worse than it is. I think this is the case most of the time. It’s all a matter of perspective. Some of the storms of my life, which seemed huge at the time, are mere bumps in the road in retrospect.

The Friends You Choose

Earlier this week my telephone rang. I looked at my caller id and it said “Abbey of Gethsemani”. That doesn’t happen every day. I answered the phone and it was one of the monks. He told me that he and another monk would be in Louisville on business and they wondered if I would be available for lunch. Fortunately my calendar was open so I eagerly accepted the invitation. I’m sure some of you are wondering what it would be like to eat lunch with a couple of monks. One of them isn't too much older than me and we have similar personalities. The other one is in his late 80’s. Don’t let his age fool you. He uses a walker but his mind is sharp as a tack. I have to be on my toes to keep up with him. This aged monk actually interviewed me almost 40 years ago when I was a young, single, spiritual seeker who wanted to live in the monastery. Even though they have both been monks for a very long time, our lunch was not overly serious. We discussed some serious topics but we also laughed a lot. I love it that I have a diverse circle of friends. My mother used to say that “you are what you hang with.” Throughout my life I have always tried to hang with good people. I have tried to surround myself with intelligent, educated, sensitive, and artistic people. I have also tried to surround myself with positive thinkers, people who laugh a lot, music freaks, and a few party animals so I don’t stay too serious. I have been influenced by all of them in a variety of ways. Choose your friends wisely.

Who We Really Are

Most people are judged by what they do for a living. For example, society thinks you’re more successful if you are a doctor than if you are a plumber. However, if your toilet backs up the plumber out ranks the surgeon. If you go to a party and meet strangers the first questions you usually get are “What do you do for a living and where do you work?” In addition to what we do we are often identified as someone’s spouse, someone’s father, or someone’s son or daughter. The truth is that our work and our roles are not who we are. We have to get past a lot of assumptions, activities, and roles to find ourselves. I think a good way to get in touch with our true selves is to observe how we act and what we do when we are alone. When we are alone we don’t have to wear any masks, play any roles, or do anything to meet someone else’s expectations. We can relax and be who we are. If you have a day off from all your roles and responsibilities, and you can spend the day with yourself, what do you do with the time? Even in the busy times of your life when you are working and taking care of your families, are you who you are? If not, you may want to introduce yourself to yourself.

Making Yourself Crazy

Do you ever make yourself crazy? Sometimes I find it exhausting to be me. Do you ever feel that way about yourself? I wonder why I act the way I do. For example, why I am so passive? Why can’t I be more assertive about my needs and more ambitious about my life? My wife thinks I should be running my employer's company by now but I really don't want to do so. I'm told that I procrastinate. Do I really procrastinate all the time? Maybe I do but I always get everything done on time. Does my sometimes compulsive behavior indicate a touch of OCD? Is my over active mind nothing more than ADD? Why do I find most people exhausting but my granddaughter melts my heart? Why do I prefer solitude to parties? Why do I appear so calm on the surface and yet feel so much turmoil inside? Do I really care about other people’s feelings as much as they think I do? Why am I such a perfectionist? What’s up with that? Why do I often feel unloved and unhappy when I know for a fact that I have a good life and many people care deeply for me. Oddly enough, many of the things that drive me crazy about myself seem to be what many other people like about me. Many people think I am calm and centered and relaxed all the time. Many people think I am always full of wisdom and serenity. People seem to see things in me that I don't always see or feel within myself. I seem to make more sense to others than I do to myself. I guess many people have such thoughts about themselves. I don’t know why I am who I am or why I act like I do. I am all of the negative things I describe above and I hope I'm half the positive things many think I am. I guess I am who I am for a reason. If other people see something in me that I don’t see or feel myself, there must be a reason. I guess the challenge of our lives is to allow ourselves to be who we are, and to allow our individual goodness to do what it does even if we don’t comprehend or understand it ourselves. All of us are here for a reason and most of the time we are where we belong.

What We Believe

Yesterday afternoon I had a spirited conversation with some co-workers about our beliefs. Beliefs are a very personal thing. Some of us have absolute certitude about what we belief. Others, like me, have beliefs peppered with some doubt and lots of questions. Some of us believe because we “know”. Others of us know because we “believe”. I have been a spiritual seeker my entire life. I grew up in a strict religious tradition, I have attended the seminary, and I lived a year of my life in a Trappist monastery. I have studied theology and philosophy. I have read many books and I have sat in silence waiting for enlightenment. Still, I struggle with doubt and I am often unsure what I believe. I often wonder if any of us really knows anything for sure. What’s a pilgrim to do? I figure I’m safe and will have all the bases covered if I simply practice kindness and compassion to all living things. Both kindness and compassion imply love. If I find it difficult to love then I follow another of the Dalai Lama’s teachings where he says, “If you can’t love someone, at least don’t hurt them.” If I can do these simple but difficult practices I think I will be OK.

Flow

Psychologists use the term “flow” to describe the experience of being so totally into whatever you are doing that you lose all sense of time and space. This is mindfulness at its best. I have had this experience many times. It has happened to me while listening to music, when I am reading a very good book, when I have been standing on my back porch during a heavy rainfall, looking out my window watching snow fall while sipping a mug of hot chocolate, sitting on a bench in the early morning outside an ancient church in France, and in many quiet moments at the Abbey of Gethsemani. It has even happened to me at work when I am working on a project that is interesting to me. When you are “flowing” you are truly one with life and the universe. These moments in time provide us with a clarity that is often hidden from us in the more demanding or mundane tasks of life. You can’t plan such moments and may not even be full aware of them until you stop and take a breath. What are some moments in your life when you have had this experience?

Playing The Game

I am my granddaughter’s favorite toy. Whenever she comes over to my house she says, “Paw Paw, let’s play the game.” What is the “the game?” The game is both of us sitting on the floor surrounded by her stuffed animals, dolls, and other assorted creatures. Children never want an adult to be comfortable. I can never “play the game” while sitting in my Lazy Boy chair. I once complained to her that sitting on the floor hurt my butt. She immediately brought me a pillow. Let me assure all of my readers that sitting on the floor is easy if you are seven years old and a little more challenging if you are sixty. Once my granddaughter and I are established on the floor we begin “the game”. The game is basically Chloe’s stream of consciousness imagination going full blast. I am usually the voice of my Jerry Garcia doll. If I accidentally slip into my “Paw Paw” role she calls me out and tells me that I’m not in the game. It’s very important to stay in character. Playing with my granddaughter is like being in a movie and she is the Director. If I screw up she yells “Cut!” in so many words and I have to do the scene over. She is constantly re-writing the script and telling me what my new lines are. It’s exhausting for me to be a seven year old! Still, no matter how much my legs ache or my back hurts, I tell myself this is one of the best parts of my life. It won’t be too many more years before Paw Paw has to take a backseat to other boys who want her attention. That is, of course, assuming these other boys get past her Dad and me.