Weekend With My Granddaughter

Here’s part of a conversation I had with my granddaughter over the weekend.

 

Paw Paw:  Chloe, what is your favorite thing at Mommy’s?

 

Chloe:  My favorite thing at Mommy’s is Mommy.

 

I actually thought we were talking about food.  By the way, Mommy, if you are reading this, Chloe’s favorite meal at your house is Salisbury steak.  The conversation was part of a totally delightful weekend.  Chloe jumped into my bed in the wee hours of Saturday morning after her Dad dropped her off on his way to work.  We stayed in bed for a little bit while she got warm.  Saturday morning was kind of cool.  We then went downstairs and made cinnamon toast and bacon.  When breakfast was ready we turned on the Disney channel.  Later in the day we went to Caufield’s Novelty Shop in downtown Louisville.  It is the best place to go if you need any Halloween stuff.  We also made a trip to the Comfy Cow for some awesome ice cream.  The day was capped off with dinner at the Cracker Barrel.  I love to spend time with my granddaughter.  She gives me a lot of joy and she helps me forget myself and all my imaginary troubles.  After her Mom or Dad picks her up I am always a little depressed and the house seems very empty.  I love watching her grow up but I also wish she would stay just the way she is now forever.    

Fear And Worry

I am an old man and I’ve had many problems in my life.  Some of them actually happened.

-Mark Twain

 

Many people worry too much and they worry about things that rarely happen.  Why are we so prone to live in fear?  What do so many of us always expect the worst?  A lot of people believe in what is called “Murphy’s Law”.  Murphy’s Law is the belief that if something bad can happen, it will.  Beyond this, many people are pessimists and they live their lives in a negative and fearful way.  I am generally an optimist, I rarely worry, and I’ve learned that any feeling of fear I have is usually a sign that I am stressed.  I am not a psychologist, although I sometimes play one at work, but I do know that fear originates in the mind.  Feelings of fear are not necessarily based on any reality.  Our minds often create our fears and our suffering.  I believe that most feelings are not based on reality and they are not who we are.  I read a wonderful analogy the other day in a book called “Into The Silent Land” by Martin Laird.  Martin compares our feelings to the weather surrounding a mountain.  We tend to identify with the weather although we are actually the mountain.  The mountain is stable but the weather comes and goes.  More and more I try to ignore many of my feelings or at least try to understand what might have caused them.  Feelings and weather don’t just happen.  Forces of nature and life tend to generate a wide variety of weather and feelings.  Some days I feel pretty happy for no particular reason.  Other days I feel sad for no particular reason.  Maybe it was no more than the sun shining bright one day and the skies being overcast another day.  If it’s a good feeling, I enjoy it.  If it’s a bad feeling, I seek to understand its source.  If nothing else, hang in there because all things pass just like the weather.      

A Few Thoughts About 9/11

This is the 12^th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon.  I remember the day well.  I was at work and sitting in a cubicle only a few feet from where I sit now.  When I realized what was happening my first thought was of  my sister who lives in New York.  People say that we should never forget this event and I understand why.  However, I sometimes get weary of remembering.  I am over terrorists and anyone else that wreaks havoc on the lives of innocent people.  I am over war.  I was born during the Korean war.  I grew up in the cold war with the daily fear of nuclear holocaust.  I protested the Vietnam war in my youth.  Much of my adult life, especially the last 12 years, has been lived with almost daily news of continued war.  Most people, not just Americans, want to live their lives in peace.  They want to go to work, take care of their families, and come home at night without the fear of constant war.  This is not meant to be a political rant.  I have a brother and other family members with military backgrounds.  My father and my father-in-law were veterans of World War II.  I appreciate and I honor all they have done and continue to do.  I am just one human being out of billions that simply wants to live in peace.  Some will say that war is the price for peace.  I get that, too.  However, war should always be a last resort.  Peace is what 99% of mankind wants.          

Remembering To Be Grateful

I tried an experiment last night.  When I went to bed I did not lie there and obsess about things that bother me.  Instead I thought about all the people and things in my life for which I am grateful.  I think most of us have more blessings in life than trials.  Eventually I fell asleep and slept like a baby until I got the morning shove from my wife telling me it was time to get out of bed.  Many mystics and other holy people teach us that we should live with a grateful heart.  The difference between obsessing over our unhappiness and being grateful for our blessings is attitude.  Our minds are powerful and it is challenging to keep them under control.  Unattended our mind can take us to many places we do not want to go.  This is why most meditation centers around the mind and our thoughts.  As I said yesterday, the Buddha teaches that most of our suffering comes from our own minds.  The Christian way is the way of the heart.  The way of the heart is the path of gratefulness.  Every time today that you experience something that is not exactly what you want, counterbalance that experience with a thought of gratitude.  We all have troubles, some more than others, but the least of us, and even those with the least, can find something in our lives for which to be grateful.  As a start, if you are reading these thoughts, you are alive.  Start there.  Be grateful for life.      

 

Sleepless

Even though summer refuses to let go of its grasp without a fight, in my mind it is autumn.  There are already visions of pumpkins dancing in my head and I am eager for my first pumpkin spice latte of the season.  However, since the temperatures will be in the 90’s most of the week my visions and taste buds must live in faith and hope that autumn is right around the corner and will be here soon.

 

I love coffee and its first cousin, caffeine.  I especially love them this morning since I had a terrible night.  If I got three hours of sleep last night I am lucky.  I’m not sure what the problem was.  I slept well on Friday and Saturday night.  I woke up naturally each morning and felt refreshed without spending half the day in bed.  Even on the weekends I am generally early riser because I love mornings.  The problem is that I usually don't want to go to work.  Getting up is not the problem.  I have no memory of any Sunday afternoon naps.  I think the problem was my mind.  Sometimes I can’t turn it off and for some reason it kicks into overdrive when I go to bed.  To make it even worse I tend to think about things that upset me and then my mind obsesses over these thoughts.  It is very annoying.  I think the Buddha is correct when he says that the source of most of our suffering is our own mind.  I’ve mentioned before that I once read that our minds will always go in a negative direction unless we intentionally think positive thoughts.  Today, between yawns and refills of my coffee cup, I will think positive thoughts.  If a negative thought creeps into my mind, I will send an army of positive thoughts to chase the negative thoughts from my mind.  If you have this problem, you might want to do the same.    

 

Rock And Roll Road Warrior

I have tried to age gracefully and not complain too much about getting older.  Getting older is not all bad.  I am only a few short years from retirement and I am eager for the day when I no longer have to work full time.  I am generally happy with who I am even if there are still huge areas of unhappiness.  One thing I truly miss, however, is road trips and live music.  I still see the occasional concert but the last road trip I made was in 2010 when I went to Chicago for the Eric Clapton Crossroads Guitar Festival.  That was quite a day even if it was 100 degrees in the shade.  Much of the 90's I was often on the road to a couple of favorite venues.  One was the Riverbend Music Center in Cincinnati and the other is a place I will always call the Deer Creek Music Center despite the current corporate sponsorship and blasphemous name of Verizon Music Center.  In those days I would see the Allman Brothers Band and the Grateful Dead on a regular basis.  There were years I would see the Grateful Dead three nights in a row and one year I saw the Allman Brothers band three times in one week in three different states.  I did have a resurgence of activity in the 2000's when I found some new companions who shared my love of rock and roll.  In the last ten years or so I have seen Buddy Guy, John Fogerty, David Byrne, Derek Trucks, Dickey Betts, the Eagles, Grand Funk Railroad, The Dead, Joe Cocker, Steve Miller Band, Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, Leftover Salmon, the Stringcheese Incident, Roger Waters, the Rolling Stones, Little Feat, and Paul McCartney.  A few months ago I saw Yes and in a few weeks I am seeing the Moody Blues.  In my lifetime I have seen quite a few of my musical heroes but the last few years have been a little lean.  When I was on the road more often I wrote the following playful description of a Road Warrior.

An aging and nearly extinct creature who spends all available time and resources searching for the lost chord.  These strange and exotic creatures have been known to spend their last dime in pursuit of the chills and emotional satisfaction generated by extended guitar solos, meaningful lyrics, and being with others of their kind.  Often misunderstood, they are gentle creatures who enjoy simple pleasures like sitting in their lawn chairs on a summer night while good vibrations fill the space around them.  They have even been known to take off their shoes and share a blanket.

I know it's only rock and roll but I like it!

Work And The Weekend

I am looking forward to a quiet weekend.  Last weekend was busy and hectic.  This week has been busy and sad.  It was also my wife’s first week back to work after six weeks of short term disability.  The next two days we will be practicing an economy of motion.  In other words we will both move as little as possible.  I expect several naps and lots of looking out the window.  Many people, especially young people, try to cram as much activity as possible into the weekend.  It is like they are attempting to live seven days of life in two days of weekend.  I no longer have such energy.  As much as I love the weekends, the work week is not all bad.  I have many enjoyable moments throughout the week.  Work is important for reasons beyond a paycheck.  We often don’t like to work because for most people it is a necessity and not simply something they choose to do with their time.  I admit that the most difficult part of working for me is having to do it when there are times I would rather do something else.  However, within the work week I am often able to do good things.  Yesterday, for example, I interviewed people all day for potential employment with my company.  Some of them will end up with jobs here.  Today I am having lunch with a dear friend and co-worker that I haven’t seen in many weeks.  On a typical day there are many opportunities for light heartedness and laughter.  I am blessed with many wonderful co-workers.  When this work day is finished I will pick up my wife, who I am sure will be eagerly waiting on the curb.  A little later in the evening we will pick up our priest son who has been in Chicago all week.  We’ll go to dinner and listen to his stories.  Afterwards, we will send him back to his parish then we’ll take a nap.  Let the weekend begin!