Bad Moods

Yesterday seemed like a trying day.  I was grumpy and much seemed to annoy me.  Nothing terrible happened but it might have been a day when the world would have been better off if I had stayed in bed.  On the way home it seemed appropriate to stop at a restaurant for some beer and pizza.  There’s a lot going on in the background of my life right now and concern over these things might have contributed to my bad mood.  I think I am being honest when I say that most days, regardless of how I feel physically, I am in a good mood.  Most things don’t bother me much and when something does I get over it quickly.  I am not one to hold onto things.  I may throw a little tantrum but then I get on with my life.  It is difficult to remember this in the heat of the moment but moods are like the weather.  They can change from day to day and usually the best plan is just to wait them out.  In calmer moments I also remember that we are not our moods.  As individuals we are more like a mountain.  On a day to day basis the mountain will experience a variety of weather.  There are calm, sunny, and beautiful days and there are sometimes stormy, cloudy, and dreary days.  In retrospect yesterday seemed a little dreary.  When I finally get settled in at home last night my wife and I watched the “People’s Choice Awards”.  It was a reminder that I am totally out of touch with current pop culture.  I did not recognize most of the award winners and most of the ones I did recognize I do not like.  The highlight of my day was going to bed.  Today I feel better but it is going to be a long day.  Tomorrow is the end of the work week so that makes me happy.  I am ready for the weekend.       

Never Give Up

This morning it is 19 degrees outside.  It is downright balmy after the temperatures we’ve had the last few days.  Earlier in the week, when the wind chill was -19 degrees, I was in my bathroom getting ready for work and I saw a bug crawling on the wall.  A closer look revealed that it was a lightening bug.  When I was a boy my friends and I would catch lightening bugs on summer nights.  Now, however, it is a long way from summer.  Where has this lightening bug been and how has he survived the frigid weather?  On a warmer day I would have captured him and let him go outside.  I didn’t do that this time because it would have meant a quick and merciless death.  I left him alone and he’s probably sitting in my chair right now reading a book.  However he has done it, this lightening bug is a survivor.  In our individual ways all of us are survivors.  I doubt if anyone who is reading these thoughts is problem free and or has no challenges in life.  Some say the purpose of life is to be happy.  Even if happiness is not the primary goal of life, it is a safe bet that all of us want to be happy.  Unfortunately this happiness often seems elusive.  We work hard to keep our lives in order, to do what we need to do, and to balance all the balls each of us must juggle.  Sometimes we do this successfully and life seems good.  Inevitably though something will happen that challenges our peacefulness and our pursuit of happiness.  Life is full of challenges, disappointments, and setbacks.  Like the lightening bug crawling on the wall in my bathroom in the middle of winter we keep going.  The sun sets and a new day begins the following morning.  Each new day is a fresh beginning.  The problems and challenges of the night usually seem less so when the morning comes.  We survive, we push forward, and often, when we least expect it, happiness arrives at our door.  As the Dalai Lama once said, “Never give up”.      

Being Grateful

The artic weather we have been experiencing makes me realize how fragile and vulnerable we all are.  One doesn’t need to be outside very long to realize how quickly the cold could do you in.  The extreme temperatures and the harshness of the outdoor environment makes me feel very grateful.  I am grateful for my home, for electricity, and for heat.  I am grateful my car has been starting with no problem and that it protects me from the elements on my commute to work.  I am grateful for my warm coat and the hat that protects my bald head.  Today we will warm up to 13 degrees and each day for the remainder of the work week it will get warmer.  I am very grateful for the sun and I eagerly await the warmer days.  Sometimes I think there are people who don’t understand the idea of gratitude.  Of all the good qualities one might practice and have I find gratitude the easiest.  If you simply take a few minutes to reflect you should be able to come up with a long list of things for which to be grateful.  Some people think you must experience something big like winning the lottery to be grateful.  I try to recognize all the small everyday things in my life that give me comfort or joy.  A Chinese philosopher named Lin-Chi once said, “What, at this moment, is lacking”?  As I type these thought the only thing missing is a cup of fresh coffee.  Coffee is another thing for which I am grateful.  As you go through your day think of all the good things in your life, take a moment, and be grateful.          

Polar Vortex

When I woke up this morning the temperature outside was 0 and the wind chill was approximately 20 below zero.  We were experiencing what one local weather person called a polar vortex.  Most of the time our local weather forecasters overhype winter storm advisories and warnings.  This time they did not overhype the cold.  By the end of the workday the wind chill was nearly 25 below zero.  When I went to bed last night I did all the recommended things like opening the cabinet doors under my sink so my kitchen pipes wouldn’t freeze.  I left the faucet running at a trickle as well.  I must admit that I was a little nervous about leaving it on all day while I was at work.  When I went to bed last night, with my electric blanket turned on, I could not help but think of the homeless people in my city and all the squirrels, rabbits, birds, and outdoor cats that live in my neighborhood.  I said a prayer for all of them.  This morning, although I was dressed warmly, the five minutes or less that I stood outside my car pumping gas was brutal.  The walk from my parking garage to my office  seemed like a journey of a thousand miles.  I thought of the scientists and other passengers trapped on the research ship in Antarctica as the biting wind stung my face.  I enjoy the change of seasons, and I normally enjoy winter too but today’s cold is off the charts.  I stayed in my warm office building all day until it was time to go home.  After I picked up my wife at her office we headed straight home.  We have one more day of this cold before returning to more normal weather.  It is hard to believe that yesterday I was outside in my yard wearing shorts and taking down Christmas decorations and by the coming weekend it will once again be 50 degrees.       

 

The Joy Of Being Home

When I left the office last night it was snowing, the wind was blowing, and it was considerably colder than when I had arrived in the morning.  I gingerly made my way along the sidewalk to the parking garage.  After picking my wife up at her office we made the slow commute home.  Although we only had about an inch of snow the roads were slick.  Tired and hungry we stopped along the way for a quick meal.  It was still snowing and the wind was still blowing when we finally arrived home.  As I walked in my house I prayed a silent prayer of gratitude that I had a home and that it was warm.  Whether it is day or night I love to be home on cold and wintry days.  I know I have said it a thousand times but as one gets older there is a deeper appreciation for the comforts of home.  Once I got settled in I noticed something I had received from a friend.  It was a picture of a blazing fire in what appeared to be a cabin.  Across the picture it said, “This weekend I think I will read books, drink coffee, play music, and bolt the door”.  My friend told me the picture and the words reminded them of me.  The picture and words certainly paint a portrait of what I would consider a perfect scenario.  If you are an introvert like me, or perhaps a very weary extrovert, such a scene is Heaven.  My weekend won’t be quite this perfect.  I expect to spend a lot of time with my granddaughter and tomorrow night I am going to a graduation party for one of my nieces who just received her PhD.  Whenever I can, however, I will spend time reading a new book, drinking some coffee, playing some music, and bolting the door.  Sometimes my granddaughter and I will spend time in the same room, each doing their own thing, being alone together.  I have taught her well.   

 

Some 2014 Goals

Here are a few things I would like to accomplish in 2014.  They are in no particular order.

 

·         Re-discover joy in my life.

·         Be more enthusiastic about daily life.

·         Quit saying “I’m over it”!

·         Renew my spiritual life by being more contemplative.

·         Listen to less music and spend more time in silence.

·         Move more, sit less.

·         Initiate intellectual pursuits and spend less time staring into space.

·         Work harder to get my book published.

·         Write better stuff or take a break from daily thoughts for a while.  

·         Allow myself to be happier.

 

This is a lot to accomplish.  It will require some radical change within myself.  At this stage of my life I often feel lost and out of gas.  I need to renew myself and acquire a new zest for living.  At times I need to get over myself and not focus so much of my time and attention on how I feel.  It wouldn’t hurt to spend less time alone and more time with people even though this is challenging for me.  I believe I am a grateful person but I need to believe it more deeply.  I am not all I can be and there is much room for improvement.    

New Year's Day Reflections

Today is New Year's Day.  I am having a quiet day at home after a very quiet New Year's Eve.  One could think of today as an oasis in the desert of the work week.  On Monday I was shocked into the reality of returning to work after a week of Christmas vacation.  I had system issues with my computer, brain issues with myself, and the day seemed full of problems.  Despite all of this I needed to return to work.  Although I enjoyed my time off I came dangerously close to turning into a cauliflower.  During my vacation I did not think one single deep thought.  By the end of my time off I was barely able to maintain life support systems.  On a material level I had a great Christmas and I received more gifts than my behavior deserved.  When I returned to work this past Monday everything I was wearing was brand new.  Once a year my wife, with Santa's help, provides me with new clothes.  If she didn't do this all my clothes would be threadbare and I would wear them until they literally fell apart.  As a family we had to juggle our usual routines because my oldest son has a new wife and family and my youngest son, who is a priest, had Christmas masses at his parish.  Today is the end of the holiday season for most people.  This coming weekend I am sure my wife will draft me into service so all the Christmas decorations can be once again packed away.  Although many people feel some sense of relief that another Christmas is behind them, there is also some sadness that the positive vibes and feelings of goodwill that fill the air seem to quickly go away.  Even though I love most of what goes on during the holidays, I also look forward to the peace, quiet, and nothingness of January.  It’s nice to slow down, hunker in, and wait for spring.  None of us could live all year with the intensity of the holidays.  The remaining months of winter are a time of retreat and introspection.  The remaining hours of today are a time to finish the laundry.  Life goes on.