Relax! Nothing Is Under Control!

“As we encounter new experiences with a mindful and wise attention, we discover that one of three things will happen to our new experience:  it will go away, it will stay the same, or it will get more intense.  Whatever happens does not really matter”.

-Jack Kornfield

 

I once saw a picture of the serene Buddha sitting calmly with the caption “Relax.  Nothing is under control”.  We human beings like to control everything when the reality is that we control nothing.  The best we can do is flow with life and try to guide it’s energy.  My wife is a firm believer in Murphy’s Law.  Murphy’s Law, for those unfamiliar with it, is that if anything can go wrong, it will.  We can plan.  We can prepare.  We can hope.  None of these things will guarantee anything.  The best thing we can do is be open to the unexpected and be flexible with the reality of the moment.  It’s a worn out phrase but I still like “It is what it is”.  I can leave work at the end of the day and everything is looking good and I am current.  The next morning can be a disaster.  The same is true with all of life.  Each day is what it is.  I disagree with the part of the above quote that says, “Whatever happens does not really matter”.  What happens to us does matter.  However, we cannot control life so that it always unfolds as we would like it to do so.  If that were true, I would already be retired with $5,000,000 in the bank and a home in Hawaii.  Life requires us to bend with the wind and not always stand firm against it.  Standing firm, or being inflexible can cause us to snap.  Bending with the wind allows us to bounce back when the wind has ceased blowing. 

All Of Life Can Be Sacred

“Remember one thing: meditation means awareness.  Whatsoever you do with awareness is meditation”.

-Osho

 

Have you ever left your home in the morning and arrived at work with no memory of the actual drive to the office?  I certainly have.  I was not the least bit mindful of my morning commute.  The entire drive was done on auto-pilot.  There is a Zen teaching that goes, “When you walk, walk.  When you eat, eat, and when you sit, sit”.  In other words, do what you are doing and be aware of doing it.  In a spiritual sense, being asleep means that you are going through your day in a state of mindless routine where you are going through the motions of your activities with absolutely no awareness of what you are doing while you are doing it.  There have been times when I was driving home after work with my wife and she will ask, “What did you do today”?  Sometimes I go blank because I cannot remember a single thing I actually did.  Meditation is not limited to twenty minutes sitting in the Lotus position with a candle burning and the aroma of incense filling the room.  OK, sometimes I really do this with the exception of actually sitting in the Lotus position.  What Osho is telling us is that everything we do, if we do it with awareness, is a meditation.  When I sit in silence each morning drinking a cup of coffee before I leave home for my occasionally mindless commute, drinking my coffee can be a meditation.  I can be aware of its aroma, it’s warmth, and its taste.  I am not just chugging some caffeine so I don’t fall asleep on my morning commute.  The mindful and aware sipping of coffee, or tea, if you prefer, can be a morning prayer.  The reality is that all of life can be sacred.          

Inner Peace Is Ephemeral

“No one can get inner peace by pouncing on it”.

-Harry Emerson Fosdick

 

Everyone wants inner peace.  No one has it all the time.  Years of spiritual seeking, decades of “growing up”, and a life time of seeking the meaning of life have not given me inner peace.  Most of the inner peace I have ever experienced in my life quickly evaporated like fog on a sunny day.  It is ephemeral.  I am starting to believe that you cannot really seek anything.  You can only find it.  If you are looking for happiness or inner peace, you will never find it.  In some ways that which we seek has always been present.  We just don’t have the eyes to see it.  In order to see we must be awake.  We become awake by being present.  It’s difficult to be present when you are multi-tasking and being pulled in ten directions by the demands of your life and work.  Most of us are controlled by our life instead of being in control of it.  I am getting old and I thought my life would be much simpler by this time.  Although my children are now adults, my life still seems complicated and full of demands.  I have expectations on me as a grandparent that I didn’t expect to have.  I worry a little about my physical decline and my financial security.  My wife and I both realize that one of us will be the last one standing and we wonder what that will be like after a lifetime of marriage.  Still, when I stand in the sunlight and I feel a breeze that cools my face and ruffles the trees, I feel a sense of peace.  I bathe in it for as long as it lasts.  I can’t grab it or hold on to it.  I can only be present to it for as long as it lasts.   Like the fog it will melt away.  The good news is that it will also return when I am not looking for it.  I just hope I am awake when that happens.     

Creating Space In Your Life

“In order to sow seeds, you must first clear a patch of land.  Mindfulness helps to clear a space in our minds which we can use to plant the seeds of hope and joy in”.

-Unknown

 

“We too should make ourselves empty, that the great soul of the universe may fill us with its breath”.

-Lawrence Binyon

 

There are few of us whose minds and lives are not cluttered.  We may be thinking too much or have too many things to do.  If our minds were a vacant lot, in most cases they are overrun with weeds.  Mindfulness helps create space in our lives.  We all need room to breathe and time to pause.  By disciplining ourselves to stop and pause throughout our day, we can simply breathe and catch our breath.  Our lives are not intended to be overflowing with worries, concerns, and activities.  As I like to say, “It is better to be doing nothing, than to be busy doing nothing”.  I saw a quote by Mark Twain yesterday that went, “Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful”.  The important tasks of our day have a way of getting done.  Much of the rest is often unnecessary and meaningless busywork that has little real value.  I am sometimes alarmed at how many things I have done in my life that did nothing to make life better and often wasted my time.  At this stage of my life time is more and more precious and the last thing I was to do is waste it by being busy doing nothing.  This has been especially true in the work environment over the years.  Some people seem to have a gift for creating unnecessary tasks for other people.  Much time has been wasted over the years in non-value added activities.  Create space in your minds and life, and before filling it back up, remember that less is more.      

Some Thoughts On Minimizing Stress

“If you really want to remove a cloud from your life, you do not make a big production of it.  You just relax and remove it from your thinking.  That’s all there is to it”.

-Richard Bach

 

Two Rules For Avoiding Stress In Your Life

 

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff
2. Remember that almost everything is small stuff

 

One of my personal weaknesses is that I sometimes obsess over small things.  When I do this I can turn a bump in the road into a mountain.  I have learned this is part of my personality.  My type is a gut type which in the short term is more reactionary than logical.  In most cases my logical mind eventually takes over and whatever happened is put into perspective and seen for what it really is.  The Buddha teaches that all of our suffering comes from our own minds.  It is not what happens to us, it is how we react to it.  In other words, most of the so called clouds in our lives are self-created.  A positive person would suggest that if we can create our own clouds, we can also make our own sunshine.  Attitude is everything.  It is usually what separates happy people from those who are always upset about something.  Knowing this doesn’t make life any easier.  There will always be people and daily inconveniences that challenge us.  Modern life is stressful and even the calmest among us sometimes wants to scream.  We all need to practice relaxing and chilling out along with our mindfulness.  We all need to step back frequently and just breathe.  Everything is not life and death.  There are more inconveniences in life than true crises.  Life, health, love, family, friends, and happiness are the important things in life.  The morning commute, the annoying co-worker, the surly clerk in the grocery, the jerk that honks at you the second the traffic light turns green are part of the small stuff in life.  Make what is truly important the priority in your life and let the rest of it roll off your back.          

 

Awareness In Itself Is Healing

“Awareness in itself is healing”.

-Fritz Pearls

 

Let’s be honest.  We are all in need of some kind of healing.  Most of what hurts us is not visible to other people.  It may not even be obvious to ourselves.  In a previous daily thought I mentioned being an “impartial observer” of our emotions.  In order to do this we must be self-aware.  In order to be self-aware, we must be awake.  I do not mean that time when we are not sleeping.  The type of awake that I mean is when we are conscious of the moment.  The reality is that most people are consciously asleep even when their bodies are awake and going about their day.  The more self-aware that we are, the more we can allow the healing process to unfold.  If I am aware of my pain, I can consciously seek to heal it by changing my way of thinking or by changing how I act.  Many of us feel that our pain is the fault of other people.  This is often true.  However, the truth is that people who cause pain are usually in pain themselves.  Until everyone’s consciousness is awake enough to be self-aware, and the healing process can begin, the cycle of pain and the need of healing will go on.  Strive to understand your own pain and consciously act in ways that do not cause pain to others.  While you are healing yourself, heal others with kindness and compassion.   

Our Life As Art

“The thoughts we choose to think are the tools we use to paint the canvas of our lives”.

-Louise Hay

 

If you are your thoughts, who are you?  If your thoughts are paint, and your actions a brush, what kind of painting are you creating?  There are many kinds of paintings.  I am not a lover of abstract art.  My preferences are pastoral scenes or even fantasy inspired depictions of imaginary worlds.  I like the kind of paintings where I can imagine myself in the painting.  In more grounded moments I also enjoy depictions of real life.  I have often read in my psychology studies that all of us tend to paint or portray an image that we want to present to the world.  These images and depictions, however, are rarely the true person.  Sometimes, like an old painting, you find an entirely different image when you scape away the top layer of paint.  Getting to the original image, or what the Buddhists call your “original face” is a lifelong progress.  Few of us are the people that other people think we are.  People who appear strong can actually be weak.  People who appear weak can be very strong.  Those who appear very confident, can be full of doubt.  The timid person can rise to the occasion and become a leader.  Every artist wants their art to speak to us and for us to enjoy it.  If your life is your art, what is it saying to others?  If your life is your art, it is inspiring others?  If your life is your art, what is its value?