Authenticity

Authenticity is a practice, and you choose it every day, sometimes every hour of the day.
-Brene Brown, PHD

Authenticity is defined as “the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy, or genuine”. When you look at yourself in the mirror each day, do you see a person looking back at you that is authentic, trustworthy, and genuine? If you do not, are you trying to be such a person? The world is full of charlatans, fakes, poseurs, and con men. It is an act of courage to be authentic. It has been my experience that people will forgive your mistakes, and tolerate your weaknesses, if they believe you are authentic, trustworthy, genuine, and real. No one admires a phony. This is why I write so much about knowing who you are and working daily to be the best version of who you are. I have become very good at spotting a “fake” and my BS detector is highly sensitive. I know Shakespeare said the whole world is a stage and we are all actors but you can’t act all the time. Sooner or later you have to wipe off the make-up, remove the masks, and change out of your costume. Authentic people aren’t perfect. They have as many faults as anyone. What makes them different is their transparency, openness, and honesty. They are unpretentious and self-deprecating. They don’t take themselves too seriously and they refuse to see themselves as special or better than anyone else. We are all works in progress. We all have aspects of ourselves that need some work. Each of us, however, makes a unique contribution to the world. We are where we are for a reason. Be who you are, warts and all, but be real. Always tell the truth, be genuine, learn from your mistakes, and practice authenticity every day.

The Quiet And Boring Life

Smile, breathe, and go slowly.
-Thich Nhat Hanh

This quote caught my eye recently along with an article about the joy of a boring life. I try to smile more than I frown, paying attention to my breath is part of my daily meditation, and most people believe I do an excellent job of going slowly. Beyond this, and despite what some people think about me, I live a life that is mostly boring. No one in their right mind would call me “Mr. Excitement”. Recently I shared two quotes with friends that they believed perfectly described my personality type. The first quote may have actually come from me. It goes “Why stand when I can sit down, why sit down when I can lie down, and why just lie down when I can sleep”? The other quote is a Spanish proverb that goes “Isn’t it wonderful to do nothing all day and then to rest afterwards”? I just thought of another great quote that I like a lot. It’s a Zen quote. It goes “It’s better to do nothing than to be busy doing nothing”. Although my wife would probably disagree, I am not really a lazy person. I believe in doing whatever needs to be done. What I dislike is unnecessary activity or busy work that other people think needs to be done. If you want to do something, go do it, but don’t involve me in your need to “keep busy”. I am a contemplative person and I like the quiet, boring life. I like to watch grass grow and flowers bloom. Watching paint dry is another favorite activity. If my wife wants to go shopping at the Mall, I’m happy to sit on a bench for hours as I sip my Starbucks latte and watch people. There’s way too much activity in life. Much of it is a waste of time. Maybe it’s because I am getting old but I prefer to just be. I am like a potted plant. Water me once a week and leave me alone.

Spiritual Practice

Three elements of spiritual practice are becoming present and aware throughout the day, seeing your personality in action, and not acting on your impulses.
-From the Wisdom of the Enneagram

Much of my life, until I was in my 30’s or 40’s, I really didn’t get the spiritual life. I say this despite my Catholic education, my seminary training, and even after living in a monastery. The spiritual life started making more sense to me when I began to understand the deep connection between psychology and spirituality. I was well into middle age before I had a true awakening about my own nature. When I had this experience it was a true aha moment and for the first time most of my life made sense to me. I began to understand why I think and act like I do. I began to understand why some people are attracted to me and I also began to recognize my own dysfunctional behavior. This awakening continues and I suppose it will continue until I die. All of this is part of discovering your true self. Your true self is who you are in God. Some people call this “doing your inner work”. I recently had a discussion with someone about why so many people stop going to church. I think people stop going to church because they never have an experience of God in a real and meaningful way. Going to church can be like going to the gym every week without getting in shape or losing any weight. It would be a rare person who continues exercises that produce no results. Self-knowledge is part of the spiritual journey and it creates spiritual awareness. Awareness produces openness which in turn produces an attitude of receptivity to life and to the experience of God.

My Son The Priest

“Paw Paw, we’ve had to go to church way too much this weekend”

“It’s weird getting communion from your uncle”

These are two weekend quotes from my granddaughter. It was a very busy weekend but Chloe hung in there pretty good. We has a long but beautiful ordination ceremony on Saturday followed by a reception at the Cathedral with hundreds of people.  Later that night we had a large family party at my home with so many cars parked up and down my street that I thought one of my neighbors might call the police.  Finally, Nick celebrated his first Mass on Sunday followed by a final reception at my parish. My wife and I spent most of Memorial Day in our chairs staring into space. We felt like we had just married off a daughter. This is much more activity than my wife and I normally have in our lives but it was all great and everything had an air of celebration. As I have probably said before, every parent's dream is to see their children happy and successful. At this moment in time both of my children have attained these goals. Yesterday my wife and I, and I believe Father Nick, were feeling a sense of anti-climax. We had been anticipating and preparing for this event for a very long time. Now our life is once again quiet. I think Father Nick is probably experiencing a little reality today. He stopped by our house yesterday with some questions about insurance. Today he meets with the HR person for the Archdiocese to discuss his salary and benefits. He then gets a few weeks of vacation and then it’s time to get to work.

Pictured above are both my sons as well as a picture of Nick processing into church for his first Mass.

The End Of The Beginning

My son will finally be ordained to the priesthood on Saturday and he will say his first mass on Sunday. It has been a long journey to get to this moment. However, ordinations, graduations, getting a license to practice, etc., are just the end of the beginning. The real work and the real education begins when you finally get out into the world and you deal with the reality of daily life. It has always been my opinion that education gives you knowledge but life gives you wisdom. No matter how smart you think you are or how prepared you feel, life will transform you in good and bad ways. Life is tough and none of us get through it without some scrapes and bruises. It is not my intention to be negative about life. Life is a wonderful thing. It is also a teacher and we do not always like what it teaches. However, if we open minds and hearts it will teach us love, tolerance, patience, compassion, and humility. It will also make us wise, understanding, accepting, and realistic. Life has been my greatest teacher. When I was thirty years old I could never have imaged the person I am now. I don’t think God and life are done with me yet. My transformation into who I am meant to be is not yet complete. My son and others are in the beginning of their lives and they want to change the world. I have more years behind me than I do in front of me. In spite of this, I still want to change the world and many of my contemporaries want to do the same. If you are young, listen to those of us who are further down the road of life than you. If you are old, remind yourself that you don’t know everything. The old need to also listen to the young. Together we can all change the world and make it a better place.

Our Hidden Selves

Each workday most of us come into the office. We see one another sitting in our cubicles or walking around. Maybe we occasionally talk to each other. In many cases we have formed opinions or have made a judgment about one another based on a perception. The reality is that most of us really don’t know ourselves, much less those around us. Who are we? Who is the person that sits across from you? What is going on inside that person you see walking down the aisle? Who is struggling today with a personal issue? Who is sad or lonely behind that smile or laughter? Each of us has a hidden self that we rarely show to others. We also have a true self that maybe we have not yet discovered. People are like onions. We all have many layers. Over the course of our lives we slowly peel away the layers to discover our true and hidden selves. It is a life long journey to do this. Today as you interact with your fellow human beings I urge you to remember all of this. Look in your mirror and ask yourself who is looking back at you. Remember that everyone around you is also on a journey. What you see in one another may not be reality. Some of us are struggling. A few might be seriously hurting. Hopefully some are truly happy and comfortable being who they are. Do not judge others. Practice kindness and compassion. Help one another rather than hinder one another. If today is a good day for you, spread the joy. If today is a bad day for you, hang in there. Hopefully someone around you will notice and speak a word of encouragement. We are all in this thing called life together.

Silence And Tolerance

In addition to the Dalai Lama’s message of compassion, there were two other themes in last week’s Festival of Faiths. One was silence and the other was tolerance. You cannot have a serious spiritual life without an element of silence in your life. The world and our own minds are noisy places. Silence is not just the absence of sound. In our world of over-stimulation, noise also takes the form of images, whether they be from television, billboards, or our smart phones. All together the average person is bombarded with noise in the form of sound, images, and data. It is disorienting, at times stressful, and almost always dissipating. I read once that scientists are having a very difficult time finding any place on the face of the earth that is free of human “noise”. It is important to find some physical quiet in our lives but even more important to quiet our minds. As far as tolerance, the Dalai Lama made a strong point in his talk about everyone following their own faith and beliefs while being tolerant of other’s beliefs. Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, and other traditions should and can learn from one another. I see religions in the image of a wheel. The outer edges of the wheel represent all our different beliefs. It is where we are furthest apart from one another and where the most disagreements occur. The hub of the week is the deeper, contemplative center that is found in all major religions. It is where we are closest to one another. Most serious spiritual people strive to live in the center. It is where I try to live and it’s where I experience union with other spiritual seekers. I have my own beliefs but I also learn from all traditions and points of view. Practice compassion, seek silence, quiet your mind, and be tolerant of all.