Seasons Of Life

What is life?  It is the flash of a firefly in the night.  It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.  It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.

-Last Words of Blackfoot Warrior Crowfoot

 

The images in this quote speak to me of mindfulness and paying attention.  When I was a child catching fireflies was one of the things children did.  As a young boy I actually played outside, especially on summer days and nights.  At that time of my life a summer day seemed eternal.  Admittedly, the lack of air conditioning in my parent’s home and the fact that my family only had one black and white television with two channels, motivated me to go outside and be creative with my time.  My wife and I once decided to have lunch at Huber’s Restaurant, a place often so crowded that you cannot get in.  We took some back roads to get there when I suddenly saw a field full of buffalo.  I am talking about real buffalo like you see in movies about the frontier days.  It wasn’t cold enough to see their breath but unusual enough to get lost in a moment of wonder.  Whether it is spring, summer, fall, or winter, I usually notice the differences in the light and shadows of the day.  I have lived most of my life in the same places but they never look the same.  As I travel up and down the same road to work each day I see the new growth and colors of spring, the green fullness of summer bounty, the multi-colored tapestry of fall colors, and the starkness of winter.  Each season has its own beauty.  Our lives are like the seasons.  Each stage of life corresponds with a season of nature.  Some of you are in the springtime of your lives.  Some are experiencing the fullness of summer by being at the peak of your powers.  Many, like me, are in the autumn of our lives when we know we have more summers behind us than in front of us.  Eventually, if you are lucky enough to have a long life, you will experience the winter of life when the cycle is complete.  I think Crowfoot is encouraging us to enjoy the moments and the seasons of our lives for life is made up of such moments.        

My Personal To Do List

Here are a few things I need to work on in my life.  They are in no particular order.  What kind of list do you have?

 

• Re-discover joy in my life.
• Be more enthusiastic about daily life.
• Quit saying “I’m over it”!
• Renew my spiritual life by being more contemplative.
• Spend more time in silence.
• Move more, sit less.
• Initiate more intellectual pursuits and spend less time staring into space.
• Read more and think more so I can write some new and fresh daily thoughts.  
• Allow myself to be happier.

 

This is a lot to accomplish.  It will require some significant change within myself.  At this stage of my life I often feel lost and out of gas.  I need to renew myself and acquire a new zest for living.  At times I need to get over myself and not focus so much of my time and attention on how I feel.  It wouldn’t hurt to spend less time alone and more time with people even though this is challenging for me.  I believe I am a grateful person but I need to believe it more deeply.  I am not all I can be and there is much room for improvement.    

Each Morning We Are Born Again

Each morning we are born again.  What we do today is what matters most.

-Buddha

 

It is a new day.  If yesterday sucked or you totally screwed up, get over it, learn from it, and move on.  Today is a clean slate.  Start over and begin again.  The past is past and the future is unknown.  Don’t try to fix yesterday.  It’s done.  The concrete has set.  Build a new day today.  I talk a lot about mindfulness and being in the moment.  You can’t do yesterday over and you have no guarantee that you have a tomorrow.  Put your effort and focus into today.  It is all you have.  As you go through your day be grateful for what it gives you.  We all have moments of loneliness.  We all have times when we feel empty.  We are all a little broken.  No one is so blessed that they never have problems, challenges, or disappointments.  The struggles of life are part of being human.  As I was once told, “That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.  I have survived every problem, challenge, disappointment,  and crisis in my life and I am still going strong after 64+ years.  Yes, I have a few scars but they are like medals of honor.  I’m old but I’m tough.  Today’s crisis will seem like no more than a bump in the road a year from now.  It’s all a matter of perspective.  Embrace today but don’t be overwhelmed by it.  If today ends up being another tough day, a good night’s sleep will cure many ills.  Many people also recommend glasses of wine.   

Standing At The Crossroads

I must come clean and admit that I have been recycling a lot of my daily thoughts lately.  Some of you may have noticed but others were seeing them for the first time.  Whenever I recycle a thought I do try to pick one that I believe is worth repeating.  Most of the thoughts I have written up until now were based on whatever was happening in my life.  At this stage of my life not a lot is happening so there is not a lot to think about.  My children are raised, my granddaughter is doing well, my career is winding down, and, if I am honest, I am feeling a little lost.  However, I am not lost in the sense that I need to dial 911 and ask for help.  It is more like I am at a crossroads and I am not quite sure which path to walk.  Life is a journey and it tends to come in stages.  My life right now is near the end of one stage and the beginning of another.  When you are my age you discover that many things that worked for you in the past don’t work as well as you proceed into the future.  One tends to question their beliefs, their values, their relationships, and how they spend their time.  This doesn’t mean that everything from the past that has led you to the present moment was wrong.  It just means that maybe you need to change gears and think and act differently.  I am ready for whatever change awaits me.  I have been on my current path for many years and fulfilled most of my obligations.  How well I did this is a matter of opinion.  Whatever others think and however I am judged, I believe I have done the best I can.  One nice thing about getting older is that you care less and less what other people think.  I am no longer trying to impress or please anyone.  It is rather liberating to feel like this.        

Influences And Experiences

All of us are like a bowl of gumbo or perhaps an unfinished sculpture.  Whoever we are today is the result of every influence and experience, good and bad, that we’ve had up to this point.  Like a sculpture, every new influence and experience will continue to reveal the person we are becoming.  If you talk to a sculptor, most will tell you that they don’t really create an image so much as they bring to the surface the image hidden within the block of wood or stone.  I think within each one of us is our essence.  How this essence is manifested in who we become is dependent on the ingredients of our personal gumbo or how our block or wood or stone is struck.  Think about your life experience so far.  What influences or experiences have shaped you?  I am the first born child in my family of origin.  That makes a difference.  I am also a child of the sixties.  That makes a difference.  I once lived in a monastery that changed the way I look at life.  That makes a difference.  I have lived much of my life with a wife, children, and a granddaughter.  That makes a difference.  I’ve had many good teachers and mentors.  That makes a difference.  Look at who you admire.  My primary influences have been Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr, and the Dalai Lama.  Notice that I didn’t include any rock stars or other entertainment types.  Although I may love their art, I am rarely influenced by their personal lives.  I have read thousands of books.  That makes a difference.  I have not chased after money or worldly possessions.  That makes a difference.  I have spent many hours deep in thought and meditation.  That makes a difference.  I have tried to be a good man who is kind and compassionate.  That makes a difference.  Who or what has seasoned your gumbo?  What influences or experiences, good or bad, has helped to reveal who and what you are?  

Contentment

I’ve done many things in life simply because I believed it was expected.  In general, I have played by most of the rules and I have done the “right things”.  Much of my life I have been reasonably content even when my circumstances didn’t seem supportive of any contentment.  I think I was able to find some contentment in most circumstances because it generally doesn’t take much too please me and most of the time I am grateful for anything good that comes my way.  In the midst of my contentment I have experienced some truly joyful moments.  What I have not experienced in abundance is an overarching sense of happiness.  Perhaps my expectations of life and people have been too great.  There have been too many situations and circumstances in my life that were little more than tolerable to me.  Part of the problem is my own worldview.  I am a dreamer and a romantic and most of life is not dreamy or romantic.  Although I do not consider myself a poet, I tend to look at life with poetic eyes.  I know I am too sensitive.  Sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of being happy.  Many people would love the life I have.  I must admit, however, that the life I have was never the life I dreamed of having.  Getting married, having children, and living in a house with a white picket fence, was never a life I thought about when I was young.  It all seemed way too ordinary for a dreamer and a romantic like me.  What happiness I have experienced is due to me finding meaning and joy in unexpected moments and places.  I am grateful for my sensitive nature and discerning eye.  I call this “finding the extraordinary within the ordinary”.  I also think this is due to being a contemplative person.  In moments of spiritual wakefulness I am able to see past life’s disappointments and I can find meaning in my life.  However, there are those that think that if you have to look for meaning in your life, there probably isn’t any.  Some believe the meaning in your life should be obvious.  I know thoughts such as these are nothing but existential angst, a malady suffered by most people from time to time.  What about you?  How do you feel?  Are you happy with the life you have?  Is your life meaningful to you or are you constantly struggling to find meaning and purpose within it?  There has to be more to life than simply existing.     

The Chapters Of Our Lives

The chapters of our life stories can often be taken from the decades in which we have lived.  I was a child of the 50’s, a time many considered idyllic.  I came of age in the 60’s, a time that was turbulent and a time in which there were many substantial changes in our culture.  In the 70’s I got a job, married a wife, bought a house, and became a parent.  Most of the 80’s and 90’s were devoted to turning a job into a career and raising two boys into men.  In the early 2000’s life changed for all of us because of 9/11.  I also became a grandfather and I discovered I had a gift for writing and sharing feelings that many people have but cannot always articulate.  I am now in my 60’s and my aging seems accelerated even though I am trying to slow my life down by downshifting as much as I can.  I feel like I am on the other side of the mountain but I am OK with that.  While climbing up the mountain I feel I accumulated some wisdom and a little enlightenment.  Life has been a tall mountain so I am not sure how long it will take me to get to the bottom of it.  I am in no hurry because I am enjoying the ride now.  It’s much easier because it is all downhill.  Life is a journey and every step is important.  How would you measure your life so far?  What are the chapters of your life?  Is the peak of your mountain in front of you or must you look over your shoulder to see it?