Monday, October 08, 2007

Finding Out Who We Aren't

I've been looking forward to autumn for weeks. So far we are having the hottest October in the history of Kentucky. It appears, however, that we may finally have some fall like weather by week's end. It will not happen today. Today's high is expected in the mid 90's.

One of my readers is a friend that I have only met a couple of times and who lives far away. Occasionally she sends me her observations on things I have written. What amazes me about her observations is that they are usually based on what I didn't say. She seems to have a gift of reading between the lines of what I write. It is not unusual for me to receive an email from others telling me that whatever I said on a particular day was what they needed to hear. I have received many gracious notes thanking me for providing something meaningful or insightful to their life. It is rare, however, for me to get a response to my writing that is insightful about me. I am happy to receive these insights especially when they give me something to really think about. Some recent observations gave me much to reflect on and created a rather deep and meaningful dialogue. I suppose that all of us are saying many things to others with what we say, what we write, how we walk, our personalities, our passions, and our overall way of being. Some of our messages are obvious and others are more subtle. In a manner of speaking all of us are walking billboards advertising who we are. Once someone in my office came up to me and asked if I was as peaceful as I appear as I walk around the office. I replied, "Most of time but not always". Sometimes when I write I am writing to myself. Whatever message I am trying to convey is often meant for me. If others need to hear the same message, all the better. Of course, some messages I hear from others I don't really want to hear. They can be too painful and full of truth. I want to mark the envelope "Return to Sender". These random thoughts remind me of the moment when I had a true sense of who I am. I was happy for this moment of self discovery but it was not who I thought I had been. The way I was differed from the person I thought I was. It was the death of at least one of my false selves. I caught a glimpse of who I really was. This is what happens to me when my friend sends me one of her observations. I am confronted with another glimpse of another false self. We all want to discover who we really are but it can be painful to discover who we really aren't.

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