Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Simplicity Of Joy And Solitude

I have spent much of my Sunday afternoon sitting alone in a mostly empty room with no blinds and little heat, while the washing machine and dryer hummed in the background. The only warmth was my own inner fire, the smoking hot jams and occasionally jazzy improvisations of the Grateful Dead, and the mug of hot chocolate in my hand. I sat in my chair, covered with a blanket, and watched the first wave of snowflakes falling from the sky. They were a preview of what's coming later tonight. By morning we are supposed to have an additional 4-6 inches of snow. Most of last week's snow is still on the ground. The temperatures have remained mostly below freezing so little of the snow has melted. I welcome the new snow but am not happy that it is falling on a Sunday night and tomorrow I will have to face the morning commute and a new work week.

I must admit that I love my solitude. I am often praised for being a people person but if I am honest, I must admit to preferring being alone. Usually when I am alone I am in perfect peace and never am I lonely. I occasionally enjoy the company of others but I quickly overcome this. The company of people is often exhausting to me. There are a number of reasons for this. The people may be demanding or annoying. The relationship may be strained. In some cases I may desire a relationship that cannot happen. Being an introvert I often feel that people suck the life out of me. When I am with people I sometimes feel like Superman in a room with kryptonite. I suppose if you love solitude, and if you are an introvert, there is an element of loneliness to your life. I don't dislike people. I am part of a large family and I have many friends. Like most people I want love, I want intimacy, and I want happiness, but they all seem difficult to find, and my solace is solitude where I at least find peace.

So, today, in the solitude of a cold and mostly empty room, I found simple joy in falling snow and the frigid landscape outside my window. Tomorrow I must re-enter the world of men and women and be about my daily tasks. I would rather sit in my chair, look out my window, and drink hot chocolate.

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