Today started out well enough or at least normal. I took my wife to work, came home and did my morning meditation, and then watched a video of the Dalai Lama from his visit to Louisville in 2013.
A little while ago I suddenly felt like I was having a nervous breakdown so I went to the park for a walk. The park was cold, dreary, and lonely. I saw one or two other people but mostly it was just the ducks, geese, and me.
When I got home there was a letter in my mail box encouraging me to plan my cremation now in order to beat future price increases.
What set off my momentary breakdown? I can't find my passport. In 2005 I went to France and had to get a passport for the first time. I haven't needed it since so I stashed it somewhere and now I can't find it. I think I gave it to my wife a couple of years ago when we were thinking of going to Mexico. However, she won't own up to that so today I once again looked for it. I have hundreds of books, containers full of pictures from my entire life, boxes of letters I have received over the years, and a number of hand written journals. In other words I have personal possessions from my entire life stashed in closets, drawers, and possibly within the pages of books. I seem to have everything except my passport. I tell myself that all geniuses have clutter. Someday when my granddaughter or someone else writes my biography they will appreciate all this documentation.
Today it has been one month since I retired. The time has flown by. I feel like I should be more productive but as I look around, the house seems trashed and I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I really want to take a nap. I would also like the sun to shine and the temperature to warm up. I don't recommend retiring in the dead of winter. My original plan was to do it in the spring.
I know today's anxiety will pass. I didn't sleep well last night and this may all be due to that. I think I will take that nap now....
A little while ago I suddenly felt like I was having a nervous breakdown so I went to the park for a walk. The park was cold, dreary, and lonely. I saw one or two other people but mostly it was just the ducks, geese, and me.
When I got home there was a letter in my mail box encouraging me to plan my cremation now in order to beat future price increases.
What set off my momentary breakdown? I can't find my passport. In 2005 I went to France and had to get a passport for the first time. I haven't needed it since so I stashed it somewhere and now I can't find it. I think I gave it to my wife a couple of years ago when we were thinking of going to Mexico. However, she won't own up to that so today I once again looked for it. I have hundreds of books, containers full of pictures from my entire life, boxes of letters I have received over the years, and a number of hand written journals. In other words I have personal possessions from my entire life stashed in closets, drawers, and possibly within the pages of books. I seem to have everything except my passport. I tell myself that all geniuses have clutter. Someday when my granddaughter or someone else writes my biography they will appreciate all this documentation.
Today it has been one month since I retired. The time has flown by. I feel like I should be more productive but as I look around, the house seems trashed and I don't have the energy to do anything about it. I really want to take a nap. I would also like the sun to shine and the temperature to warm up. I don't recommend retiring in the dead of winter. My original plan was to do it in the spring.
I know today's anxiety will pass. I didn't sleep well last night and this may all be due to that. I think I will take that nap now....
No comments:
Post a Comment