Relationships

I read two quotes this morning that made me think about relationships.

"Don't force someone to make time for you.  If they really want to, they will".

"Rule #1:  Never expect anything from anybody".

I recently read that the number one reason relationships end is due to unmet expectations.

Life seems to be a Zen koan.  It doesn't work well or make you happy unless your expectations are met, yet we are told to have no expectations.  Another bit of wisdom I once came upon said that expectations are nothing but planned disappointments.

In my old age I am starting to think I am not very good at relationships with anyone.  Most people seem to like me and some even think I am more than I am.  However, I am a man with no intimate relationships of any kind.  I am not sure if it is that I don't put enough effort into my relationships or if I expect too much from relationships.  People I want to be in my life don't always seem to want me in their life on an equal basis.  Others want more from me than I am able to give or want to give.  I generally have no interest in shallow and superficial relationships.  The world is full of casual acquaintances.  Kindred spirits are what I seek and need.

I find relationships exhausting.  This may be why I love my solitude.  Solitude is easy for me.  Too often when I attempted relationships with people, I felt like I did all the work.  Some would say that all relationships are work.  However, if they feel like nothing but work, they won't last for long or they will make you chronically unhappy.

Of course, we all have needs and wants, many of which we cannot even articulate because we don't have the words.  I've always had a fear of being or seeming needy.  The fact that I often feel inadequate or lacking doesn't help.  I think many people probably feel this way.  Perhaps part of the problem is our difficulty communicating our needs and desires.  None of us like to appear vulnerable or weak.  We don't like to admit our loneliness.  We all want to not only be loved by others but, more importantly, we all need to feel loved and valued by others.

Relationships!  You can't live with them but you also can't live without them.