Merry Christmas!

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday's weather was clear and bright and sunny with temperatures near 70 degrees. The effect on my mood was like the lifting of a veil. I wouldn't exactly say I became a bundle of energy or a ball of fire but I felt better and my brain actually seemed to function properly. During the late morning I went for a walk in the park and it seemed like spring. The only things missing were blossoms on the trees and the songs of birds. In Kentucky you can sometimes experience all four seasons within the same week. Snow flurries are predicted for Saturday and that makes me happy, too. When I got back to my desk and looked out my window, I saw a car drive by with a Christmas tree tied to the top. It wasn't exactly the Griswold Family Christmas Tree but some one's trying to get in the spirit of the holidays.

This past weekend I was coming out of a restaurant when a stranger held the door open for me and said "Merry Christmas"! I was almost at a loss for words because I couldn't remember the last time anyone said that to me. Is it just me or have you also noticed the lack of verbal Christmas greetings in our culture? I know the last couple of years there has been some controversy over "Merry Christmas" versus "Happy Holidays". I think most people, regardless of their religious affiliation, recognize that Christmas has it's roots in the Christian celebration of the birth of Jesus despite the over commercialization and secularization of this time of year. Christians believe that Jesus is the Light of the world. There is no historical proof that Jesus was born on December 25th. However, early Christians picked this time to celebrate the birth of Jesus because December 21st is the Winter Solstice and this is the darkest time of the year. What better time to celebrate the Light of the world than at the darkest time of the year? Celebrating Christmas on December 25th, therefore, has more of a symbolic meaning than an historical one.

Rough Start To A New Week

I received a couple of emails yesterday that brought smiles to my face. The first was from a co-worker at Humana. He told me that last Friday he was feeling uninspired and shared that with his boss. He was expecting her to send him something motivational or funny to cheer him up. Instead, she sent him my daily thoughts. I didn't even know she received them and neither did he! He asked me how many people receive my daily thoughts. I have no idea. My distribution list has grown over the years and many who receive them forward them to others. As far as I am concerned, my thoughts are like seeds thrown to the wind. I have no idea where they go or what they do. I am happy if I make one person's day better with something I've written. Another email was from a friend of mine who has a few years on me. I think he's in his late 80's but I am guessing on that. He was responding to my thought that you know you're getting old when your child is 56. He said, "Old is when you have children on Medicare". I believe he does have a son on Medicare. This reminds me of a former employer who is now 96 years old. He is being cared for by his young son who is 72 years old. They are both widowers and on Medicare. Bob Dylan and others who are rock stars of my generation are starting to get the Social Security checks and Medicare benefits. We are all getting older. It's just that some of us have a head start on others.

The rain of the weekend continued throughout the day on Monday. Was it the dampness that made my bones ache and my body feel old and stiff? Was it the overcast day that made me feel as though I needed a caffeine drip to be intravenously fed into my dull and empty mind? In general, I wasn't sick but I just didn't feel good. It's not unusual to feel like this on a Monday. As the study of physics tells us, "A body at rest tends to stay at rest and a body in motion tends to stay in motion". Do not fear. I should be at my usual 83% full capacity by Wednesday. I am trying to work up to a 85% capacity by going up and down the stairs and taking the occasional walk outdoors. Yesterday, being concerned that my head was going to go face down on my keyboard, I went outside for a walk in the light rain. My hope was that it would energize my brain and loosen my stiff muscles. It helped but not as much as a hot bath would do.

There are two weeks until Christmas. The somewhat warm and wet weather doesn't exactly set the mood but the Christmas tree lots I see around town help. A little snow would help a lot. Laying aside all the things I could complain about, I find within myself a quiet joy and a grateful heart during this time of year. Life is mostly good for me and I know it. It's not all a walk in the park or a day at the beach but I know I have much to be happy about. I try to remember that on days that seem a struggle.

Visiting My Father

Today is Monday and it feels like it. My mind is open because it feels empty. Yes, I am moving a little slow today. You would think I would be well rested. I slept a lot over the weekend. Even Chloe slept till 10:00 AM on Sunday. Maybe the fatigue of recent days caught up with me. It may have been the dark, dreary, rainy weekend we had here in Louisville. Whatever the reason, whenever I wasn't doing something or being with Chloe, I was out like a light. I did go see my father on Sunday afternoon. He is still in the hospital. When I visited him he was calm and docile. I'm not sure he realized who I was all of the time. We talked a little. The rest of the time I just sat with him and watched the fish aquarium in the sitting room. We hope he's home for Christmas.

Today is my mother's 78th birthday. You know you're getting old when your child is 56!

Today is also the 39th anniversary of the death of Thomas Merton. For those that don't know, he was a monk of the Abbey of Gethsemani and one of the greatest spiritual writers of the 20th century. I did not know him personally but I feel like I do. Some of his former students at the monastery are my friends, I lived in the same monastery for a year though not at the same time, I've made two retreats in his hermitage located in the woods near Gethsemani, and I have read many of his books as well as other books about him. I was honored in 2005 when I was asked to speak about him at the Cathedral of the Assumption here in Louisville. Giving a homily at mass is not something I normally do but I gave it my best shot.

The Office Christmas Party

Many of you know that my youngest son, Nick, is studying to be a priest. Yes, I am a proud papa. Yesterday there was a front page profile of him in the local Catholic newspaper called The Record. Here is a link if you would like to read the article. http://www.archlou.org/

Henry David Thoreau says we should be suspicious of any enterprise that requires new clothes. Tonight I have to attend my wife's office Christmas party. She bought me a new pair of pants for the occasion. The invitation said the dress code was "cocktail attire". Like with most dress codes I have no idea what that means. Is that black tie? Are you kidding me? Does anyone think I am going to spend $150 renting a tux so I can stand around for a couple of hours and drink with total strangers? I actually own one suit but I bought it 50 pounds ago and it doesn't fit me plus it's eight years old. I bought it the year my parents and in laws both celebrated their 50th wedding anniversaries in 1999. I can't die anytime soon because I have nothing to wear. It's been so long since I wore a tie that I can barely remember how to tie a Windsor knot. I wonder if I still have my clip on tie? Most clothes don't really feel right to me until they're about 10-15 years old. One of my favorite sweaters would require carbon dating to determine its actual age. I was recently watching Jerry Seinfeld on the Jay Leno show. He was making jokes about the fashion statements of the average Dad. He said that most Dad's wardrobes reflected what they considered the best year of their life. If that is true, then 1969 must have been a great year for me. Whatever I end up wearing, I must be on my best behavior. Someone has already told my wife that "I'm anxious to meet your husband. The way you describe him, he sounds like an intelligent person". Why does she tell people I am intelligent but at home I am always wrong and I never get to make a decision?

I will need a good night's sleep tonight. Sometime on Saturday I will be visited by an elfin princess who is spending the night. At some point she will help Granny bake cookies and make party mix. I am not aware that we're having a party but what difference does that make? The real challenge of the weekend is to keep Chloe away from all the bags and presents that are stashed around the house waiting to be wrapped. Her little hands will be tugging on my arm every time I sit down. "Come on, Pa Paw, let's go in the kitchen so we can make your coffee. Come on, Pa Paw, let's go in your room and play the drum. Come on, Pa Paw, let's look at pictures on the computer. Come on, Pa Paw, let's play the piano. Come on, Pa Paw, let's look at the tree. Come on, Pa Paw, let me get on your shoulders". There will be no rest for Pa Paw this weekend. I wouldn't have it any other way. Have a peaceful weekend!

The Greatest Medicine Is The Emptiness Of Everything

Today is the feast day of St Nicholas. He is the original Christian inspiration for Santa Claus. My youngest son is named Nicholas. Check the following link for more on the history of St Nicholas.

http://www.stnicholascenter.org/Brix?pageID=23

My friend, Fr. Dennis, received the following fortune from a cookie in a Chinese restaurant and asked for my interpretation. Here's the fortune and what I think it means. What do you think it means?"The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything."One possible meaning is this. All the things that fill us up, other than God, ultimately will cause us some level of pain, worry, or loss. When we are empty of everything except God we are free of this pain, worry, and loss. Therefore, the emptiness of everything not God, replaced with the fullness of God, is the greatest medicine. I am not sure I want to be empty of everything. Yes, there is pain, worry, and loss in life. There is also happiness, enjoyment, excitement, pleasure, friendship, love, laughter, granddaughters, music, great meals, art, sunrises and sunsets, and many more good things. I could go on and on. I'll take my chances with pain, worry, and loss, in order to have all the good stuff. The combination of the good and the bad is called life. God is part of every aspect of life, the good and the bad. The ability to feel joy, and occasional sadness, is what being human is all about.

My father, who will be 83 years old in January, has been put in the hospital. As many of you know, he has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. Although he does space out at times, he is still aware of who people are. The Parkinson's is probably more of a problem as it greatly limits his mobility. A day or so ago he was unusually confused though not agitated. The hospital stay is a precaution and time of evaluation for his mental state and current medications. I expect him to come home but please keep him in your prayers. My mother, who is 77 years old, and in relatively good health, could also use a few prayers as she is my father's primary caregiver. My sister, Sherry, is a close second on the care giving.

I saw two or three snowflakes yesterday. This means that the local media, and especially the weather men and women, can begin their annual overreaction to the potential for winter weather. If we see ten snowflakes or more in Louisville, all the major highways will have salt trucks lined up to begin the process of putting corrosive material all over the road. The salt is a bigger threat than the possible snow. Judging from the parking lot and madness at the grocery store last night, I think others must have also seen these renegade snowflakes. Employees all over the city will now begin looking out the windows all day and, at the first sign of accumulation, begin asking if they get to leave work early. I did go outside for some fresh air in the afternoon. I was almost blown away and I nearly lost my hat. I guess it was the Alberta Clipper the weatherman said was hitting my area. It doesn't look much like Christmas but it certainly feels like winter.

The Day After The Night Before

Yesterday was a quiet and mostly solitary day for me. It's always nice to take a day off during the work week. It has a feel very different from the weekend when many people are taking the day off. I got up early and took my wife to work since we needed to pick up Chloe from the day care at the end of the day. The rest of the day I piddled about. I consider these days as a training ground for being a retired old man someday. I wasn't completely unproductive. Now all the laundry is done. The dryer is a wonderful alarm clock for midday siestas. I actually picked Chloe up from the day-care on the way to my wife's office. Sometimes when it is only Chloe and me in the car I feel like Morgan Freeman in "Driving Miss Daisy". I am trying to keep the car on the road and pay attention to all the other drivers who seem intent on crashing into me. At the same time Chloe is talking my ear off, asking me a thousand questions, and saying, "Look Pa Paw, look"! At one point, after we were parked on the street outside my wife's office, she said, "Go Pa Paw! The light is green"! Then she got off on another topic about a cat that I think lives with her other Grandma. She was quite adamant that I take her there and get the cat NOW. At that point I thought I was "Driving Miss Cranky". By the end of the night, however, she was all smiles and hugs and kisses. At one point we watched the Shrek Christmas special three times. Her father was two hours late picking her up. Now I know what I will give him for Christmas.....a watch!

My John Fogerty concert was very good. It was a different show from the last time I saw him. First of all it was indoors on a cold night as opposed to outdoors on a warm but pleasant summer night. He still played many of his hits as well as songs from his new CD and a few obscure songs from his past. My friends and I all had a good time. One of my friends that attended with me was my oldest friend, Tom. I am actually a little older than Tom but I have known him longer than any of my other friends. Tom and I met in high school when we were fifteen years old. We took Drivers Ed together in summer school and drove the teacher crazy. We have had many adventures, especially in our youth. Some are the stuff of legend. We are both moving a little slower now. At one point during the show, Tom asked me if I needed some ear plugs. Most of us have such stories from our youth of things we did or we think we did. The mists of time sometime blur reality. Most of these adventures we would never tell our children and we hid from our parents. This concert was probably the last musical event of 2008 for me. It was a slow year for music but I still managed to see Eric Clapton, The Police, Leon Russell, and finally, John Fogerty. My John Fogerty ticket has now been added to one of the two coffee mugs I have that are stuffed with every ticket stub I have since a 1987 Pink Floyd concert. Ticket stubs from the 60's, 70's, and much of the 80's have been lost to the ravages of time. However, I know where I was.

Why Write?

I woke up just after 6:00 AM on Sunday morning. Outside my window I could hear the rain. I pulled my blanket up closer to my chin and dug my head into my pillow. I didn't want to leave the warmth of my bed. Daylight seemed a long way off. However, it was the first Sunday of the month and time for my monthly trip to the monastery. I didn't need to be there until 9:00 AM but I had planned a stop along the way to have coffee and conversation with my good friend, Fr. Dennis. Soon I was on my way in the predawn darkness and falling rain. The rain was light, however, and I enjoyed my solitary drive on the lonely roads as I sipped my first cup of coffee. Dennis loves the Christmas season and I could see his Christmas trees through the glass wall of his chapel before I could see his house. After my arrival we were soon having some wonderful conversation. I was sorry when it had to end. The monastery and other friends were calling my name. Once at the monastery I was soon into more engaging conversation and discussion. Afterwards, during mass with the monks, I noticed my old friend, Fr. Timothy, who was home for a visit from his work in Rome. When I was a young novice at the monastery he was my primary teacher and mentor. Before I left the monastery I was able to have some conversation with him. We have remained friends for nearly 40 years. After a miracle lunch where little food seemed transformed into a small feast, I headed back home in the rain. Before I left I managed to acquire some leftover monk bread and cheese to enjoy later. When I finally arrived home, the house was empty and my couch called my name. Soon I was transported to the land of dreams.

Over the weekend I was reading the blog of a friend who questioned why he even had a blog. I wonder the same thing all the time. Why do I write these daily thoughts? Do people really care about my thoughts or stories from my life? Am I living under the illusion that I have something meaningful to say? Do I really think I have some insight into life or worthwhile spiritual experience to share with others? Who do I think I am? Who really reads this stuff? Who really cares? I don't know. My wife thinks I am just full of myself. Sometimes I want to stop but part of me now feels compelled to do it. I think I may have gone from liking to write to needing to write. Long before email and Internet blogs I kept handwritten journals. Of course, those were written for my eyes only and were much more personal than my emails and blog. I still write about many of my thoughts but not all of my feelings. I guess I will keep doing this for now. I do receive occasional positive affirmation from people who do find something in these thoughts that makes a difference to them. If my thoughts don't change lives, they do occasionally improve someones day.

Tuesday night I will be running the streets and howling at the moon. Actually, I no longer howl at the moon because when I do I sometimes get choked and then I can't catch my breath. What I will really be doing is attending what I am sure will be an awesome concert by John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater Revival fame. I saw him for the first time about a year and a half ago in Cincinnati and it was one of the best rock and roll shows I have ever seen. Tonight he will be in Louisville at the Palace Theater. Tuesday I will be resting from rolling on the river with Proud Mary. It's tough being an old rock and roll road warrior. I guess I should be grateful the show is not in another state! Of course, that wouldn't stop me.