The Sixties

One of the books I have been reading lately is called "Boom! Voices of the Sixties". It is written by Tom Brokaw who for many years was a journalist and evening anchor on the NBC Nightly News. I am old enough to have lived through the Sixties but admittedly was also young enough to not always appreciate the significance of the many life changing events that occurred. Brokaw's book is a review of that tumultuous decade through the reflections of significant players and others that are less known. Many things happened in the Sixties that are still being felt in today's world. Let me just list some of the bigger events and accomplishments.

The Cuban Missile Crisis when Russia and the United States had a nuclear showdown.

The assassinations of John F. Kennedy, Martin Luther King, Jr, Robert F. Kennedy, and Malcolm X.

The Vietnam War and the anti war movement.

The Civil Rights Movement/Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech/The March on Washington.

The Women's Movement with women moving into the workforce traditionally dominated by men.

The Democratic Convention of 1968 in Chicago and the violence surrounding it.

Vatican II when the entire Catholic Church was completely overhauled.

Hippies, The Summer of Love, Woodstock, and all that jazz.

Landing a man on the moon.

If you are my age or older you surely remember these events. If you are the age of my children or younger all of this may seem like ancient history. The world is far from perfect today but much of the progress we enjoy today was not part of everyone's life in the Sixties. It is said that those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it. Brokaw's book is not a scholarly or in depth review of the Sixties. It is more of a reunion of voices who lived through these events. I would recommend it as a great introduction to these times. The good lives and the rights and opportunities that many of us now have should not be taken for granted. They did not exist for many people less than 50 years ago. Let me remind you of a few other things. Most of the material possessions that most people take for granted today did not exist in the Sixties. There were no CD's, Ipods, personal computers, DVD players, microwave ovens, cell phones, Big Screen TV's, Internet, video games, email, etc. One thing that did exist in the Sixties that does not exist now is my hair.

It is probably premature to share this but I'm excited so I want to share some news. Someone that I know and respect has agreed to take on the project of editing and shaping the best of my daily thoughts into a book that we hope to get published sometime in the future. Some people have encouraged this so I am happy that it may finally happen. We're at the very beginning of this process so it will be a while before Oprah recommends it or the profits can pay for Chloe's college education. I'm not really in it for money. I just want to accomplish it. Sometimes dreams do come true so this one may become a reality for me.

Living An Unhurried Life

The whole point of a vacation, if you are fortunate enough to have one, is to get away from your life for some rest and relaxation. Most of us are busy and we live frantic lives trying to keep up with all the demands of modern life. Sadly, our vacations are often as frantic as the rest of lives as we stress ourselves out trying to have as much fun as possible during five vacation days squeezed between two weekends. I fell into the trap like most people. On my first vacation day I got out of bed at 5:00 AM, drove 300 miles and almost immediately plunged into family activities. There was little time to decompress from regular life before being pumped full of new activities. Now I am back in the rat race, little rested, and immediately thrown back into the demands of daily living. I am tired from my vacation. In view of this it was very poignant to pick up the Tao Te Ching on my first morning back to work. Verse 15 could be titled "Living an Unhurried Life". I thought that was what I was going to do on vacation and I strive to do this in my day to day life. I would like to quote a small section from verse 15 .

But the muddiest water clears as it is stilled, and out of that stillness arises life.

This is very similar to a line from Psalm 46. Be still and know that I am God.

The author of this translation of Lao Tzu offers a few excellent thoughts. Stop chasing your dreams and allow them to come to you in their own time. Slow down your frantic pace. Make stillness a regular part of your daily life. You don't really need to rush or force anything. Be an observer and receiver rather than the pushy director of your life. Give up struggling and start trusting. What you need will come to you. In other words.....relax and live.

How can a man's life keep it course if he will not let it flow?Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.They feel no wear, they feel no tear,They need no mending, no repair.

How well do we know one another? The reality is that most people do not intimately know the other people in their lives. I have sat at many family functions over the years thinking how little I know my own family and how little they know me. I could say the same thing about people I have worked with for many years. At the same time, people I don't even know write to me sometimes and say, "I feel like I know you.". It is true that many people know a lot about me because of my daily thoughts. Of course, even my daily thoughts do not reveal everything about me. I have always thought about the depth of the relationships in my life. I remember being challenged a few years ago when I was asked to write and deliver the eulogy at my father in laws funeral. How well did I know this man whose dinner table I sat at many times? Could I write and speak of this man and capture his essence with little time to prepare or to deliver? I am told I was able to do it but it would be a very difficult challenge to do it for many others. A lot of this "knowing" of other people requires listening and paying attention when you are around them. Too often our relationships are superficial and done on the run. Relationships take time and effort. Relationships are often difficult. Many people are exhausting. Sometimes when I am with people I am sincerely trying to listen to them while planning my escape at the same time. I don't doubt that sometimes people are also doing that with me. There are some people in my life that I am emotionally intimate with but they are few. I feel like I have many "friends" and acquaintances but few that I am really close with and with whom I feel comfortable sharing my deepest feelings. I am very grateful for the few that give me the luxury of truly being myself. I think my experience is pretty normal. You really can't have intimate friendships with fifty people. It's like the difference between a dinner party and a wedding reception. At the dinner party you can often open up and have deep conversations about life and your experiences. At a wedding reception it is all you can do to say hello to everyone. Admittedly I think it would be nice if my knowledge could expand and I knew a little more about the hopes, wishes, and dreams of those most important in my life. I do care about a lot of people even if I do not know everything about them. Maybe we can all make a little more effort to know others and allow them to know us.

Where Did My Vacation Go?

It was a quiet Memorial Day holiday weekend when I realized I needed to write these thoughts. I hadn't written anything while I was on vacation. Can my long anticipated vacation be over already? The last ten days seem to have flown by in the blink of an eye. Now I am back to my work routine and once again living by the clock. Although I am less than thrilled about a return to the sometimes boring day to day activities of my life, I am grateful for last weeks break from the ordinary and the mundane. Most of last week was spent in the vicinity of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park in East Tennessee. It was a good time and I enjoyed it. My oldest son, who is Chloe's father, has always had an adventurous nature. Chloe seems to have inherited this trait. She will try anything. During the week she rode on a real pony, flew solo in an airplane at a small amusement park, drove a go kart with her father, and went down the slides in the water park. Watching her ride the plane she appeared to be a four year old Amelia Earhart. In all of these things she showed no fear whatsoever. All of us had some intense moments at the water park one afternoon when a strong storm blew through with lots of hail. Inside the water park the sound was deafening and we wondered if the plexiglass roof would break. When we got back to our cabin, the stream outside my bedroom window had become a rushing torrent of water. Most nights this gentle flow of water lullabied me to sleep. On another day Chloe, her parents, and me drove through an area of the mountains called Cades Cove. Chloe loved it when we saw some deer in the woods only a few feet from our car. Much of the rest of the trip was spent going in and out of the shops and enjoying some great meals in our favorite restaurants. Except for the occasional rain, the weather was beautiful. Normally Gatlinburg is a very crowded place. Although it is still early in the summer, I thought the crowds were sparse. It was easy to get about and we never has to wait more than a few minutes for a table in a restaurant. It would appear that $4.00 a gallon gasoline is affecting some people's summer vacations. In view of this I am grateful I could have a vacation away from home and spend some time with my immediate family. When I got home I had $10 left in my wallet. I need to get back to work.

When I arrived home there was a package on my doorstep. It turned out to be a gift of coffee from Cameroon, Africa sent to me by a young Polish woman and her fiancee who read my daily thoughts. Izabela was a student who lived in America for a while with a couple I met in Gatlinburg a few years ago and now she lives in Africa. Meeting her host family was one of those serendipitous moments when I met two strangers sitting on a public bench in Gatlinburg and we struck up a friendly conversation. We immediately connected and became friends. After a few emails I added them to my daily thoughts list and over time they asked me to add Izabela and others who were scattered around the world. Over the months Izabela and her fiancee picked up on my love of coffee. The richly aromatic coffee came with a wonderful note on a beautifully painted card that read in part "We really hope you will enjoy it and will think of all the people around the world reading your daily thoughts". Thank you, Izabela and David, for the very thoughtful and kind gift. I have been drinking your coffee each morning since I arrived home. It's wonderful and is a great start to my day.

Who Are We?

I left work yesterday, picked up my wife at her office and drove in the pouring rain to Chloe's daycare. As I drove down the Interstate the Beatles "Here Comes The Sun" played on the radio. Unfortunately, the sun never came. Since Chloe's mother doesn't work as many hours now as she used to I rarely see Chloe during the week. I miss her smile and the excitement she shows when she sees me coming in the daycare. We had our usual gourmet meal at McDonald's. She was in a great mood, laughing and being her sweet self, until she realized that she had to go home with Mommy instead of coming to my house. As I was trying to strap her in the car seat she did an excellent imitation of Emily Rose from the movie entitled "The Exorcism of Emily Rose". It's amazing how many ways a young child can contort their bodies when you are trying to secure them in a car seat against their will. She kissed me goodbye but I did not get an "I Love You" like I normally do. I tried to convince her that she needed to go home so she could help Mommy and Daddy to pack for their vacation. She wasn't buying it. Any grandparent hates to part with a grandchild on a negative note. I know however that she probably got over it very quickly.

Chloe and her parents are leaving today for Gatlinburg, Tennessee. My wife, younger son, and I will leave on Sunday morning to join them. Yes, it is time for the annual Griswold Family Vacation. Together we own a time share so we can all stay together and be together 24 HOURS A DAY. We all get along well and we will have a good time. Like with all families I am sure there will be a few tense moments here and there. I will not get a moments rest because every time I try to sneak off to take a nap, Chloe will track me down like a bloodhound. Her radar is always on. "Where's Pa Paw"???? I will be on vacation all next week. There will be no daily thoughts while I am on vacation unless the Spirit moves me. Otherwise I am also taking a vacation from writing.

The Tao Te Ching asks an interesting question. What is our nature if we have no outside forces telling us who or what we should be? Perhaps it is because of my spiritual search to discover my true self that I have had something of an obsession trying to understand what makes me tick. I enjoy psychology and the study of personality types. I have come to know and accept that my Myers-Briggs type is an introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiver. In other words I am an INFP. Besides being introverted and intuitive, INFP's tend to make judgements based on personal values rather than established rules, and they like life to be open ended rather than constricted. My study of the Enneagram has revealed to me that I am a type Nine, also called the Peacemaker. Being considered a peacemaker says a lot about what I value in life. I read in one book that 90% of all INFP's tend to be Enneagram type Nines. I am still trying to figure out why I am these types. As with all people, my life experiences, especially my childhood, have much to do with it. I don't think any of us have the ability to choose our personalities but we unconsciously build them as our defense against the world. I think I am an introvert because I grew up in a large family in a small house. There was no where to hide or go except within myself. Enneagram Nines, besides loving peace and harmony, often feel unnoticed, even invisible, to others. I have sometimes found myself wondering, "What do I have to do to get noticed"? I think part of the reason I am this type is because I was the first born child in a large family. As each sibling was born I felt pushed further from the center...my parents...until I felt I was no longer even noticed. I still feel like this sometimes. Of course, this is just my theory but it helps me to understand why I am a withdrawn person while also being someone who craves attention. All of this is who I became naturally without any realization of it until late in my life. If it's not difficult enough being who you are, the world is constantly trying to mold you into someone you are not. Culture, race, gender, sexual preference, the marketplace, and the workplace often pressure us to act and behave in a certain way that is more often than not is in conflict with who we really are. Being resistant to these influences and pressures is a full time job. Consider how you feel inside compared to how you feel compelled to act on the outside. Is it a comfortable feeling? Do you feel at home within your own skin? Who are you if no one is telling you who to be?

The Space Within Ourselves

It may be an appropriate time to issue something of a disclaimer. On a rare occasion I say something in my daily thoughts that offends someone. On the few occasions this has happened it was over my theology. First of all, I am not a theologian and do not pretend to be one. I am really not promoting or defending any individual religion. My openness to Buddhism and other religions is difficult for some Christians. My daily thoughts are simply my daily thoughts. What I write about is often prompted by books I am reading, conversations I have with others, or my own meditations. Other times I simply write about the daily experience of my life. I try to never preach, I am not trying to convert anyone to anything, and I don't consider my own thoughts as ultimate truth. In my daily thoughts I think out loud. If they challenge you, make you think, or perhaps give you another perspective, I consider that a good thing. If you find them threatening, you might ask yourself why. In my own experience ideas that threaten or challenge me are usually good for me even if I don't like them and find myself resistant to them. Any type of public sharing will sometimes bring you praise or condemnation. 99% of the responses I receive are praise. All indications are that my daily thoughts do much more good than bad. In my daily thoughts I share my personal journey. On the journey I sometimes have truly transcendent experiences but I also occasionally have doubts. I have moments of joy as well as days where I am in a funk of unknown origin. My life is a mix of family, friends, co-workers, trips to the monastery, rock and roll road excursions, and the ups and downs of working to earn my daily bread. Sometimes I experience moments of enlightenment as well as moments of total fear that some people consider me a role model and actually listen to what I say. At the end of the day I am just an ordinary man trying to make sense of life. It may be black and white for some of you but I think much of it is gray and subject to a variety of viewpoints and perspectives.

I read an interest idea in the Tao Te Ching a few mornings ago. The writer said that our bodies are no more who we are than the walls of a room are the room. The essence of who we are is contained in the empty spaces within our bodies in the same way the space within the walls is the actual room. If you took my body and disassembled it, laying all the pieces out on the floor, it is no longer me. Our bodies are just the container we came in. If you took the walls of a room and pushed them all together, there is no longer a room even though the walls still exist. My essence is surrounded by the parts of my body. A room is the empty space between the four walls. Some of you are probably wondering, "What is he talking about"? Well, I am not completely sure either but I am enjoying the intellectual challenge of understanding this concept. It's almost like a Zen koan. I've heard musicians say something similar when they say "The most important part of music is the space between the notes".

Discovering The True Self/Thoughts On Love

One of my favorite thoughts from Buddhism is the idea of discovering the face we had before our parents were born. This is the face of the true self. The true self is who we are in God. Unfortunately, the face that we present and that others see is usually the face of our false self. It is not who we really are. The process of becoming a Buddha, or an "enlightened one" is to peel away the layers of the false self and discover our true self. This process of awakening is part of all spiritual journeys, regardless of the tradition. All Buddhists, Christians, Muslims, Hindus, and others are all seeking this in some fashion or another. What would our world be like if we all attained this state of awakening and inner conversion? What would daily life be like if we were all our true and good selves? The world would never be dark and evil would cease to exist because we would all be glowing and full of light.

The point of all spirituality and spiritual practices is not to rack up brownie points with God. God doesn't need anything from us. The point of the spiritual life is the transformation of the human heart. You can go to church ten times a day but if nothing is happening or changing within you, you may as well go to the track. Everything in the spiritual life, and the transformation of the human heart, is all about love. If there's no love, there's no spiritual life. If your spiritual life and your daily living are not making you a more loving person, you're spinning your wheels and you are stuck in the mud. I think life's final exam will only have a few questions. It won't matter what you were in life. God won't say, "Buddhists to the right, Hindu's to the left. Christians, Muslims, and Jews, go to the head of the line. The only thing that will matter is who we were and how well we can answer the following questions.

Did you let go of your ego?

How much did you love?

Did you live with joy?

Did you forgive?

Were you grateful for all the beauty in life?

Did you notice the color purple?

The last time I shared this last question some people asked what it meant. It's from the book entitled The Color Purple by Alice Walker. In the story one of the characters remarks "I think it pisses God off if you don't notice the color purple".

It's easy to say that it's all about love but what is love? Sometimes I think I understand what love is and other times I feel clueless about it. It seems like a simple concept but I don't think it is. Maybe it's because there seems to be so many kinds of love. There's romantic love, parental love, grandparent love, and the love of friends. I believe my parents love me but they've never actually said it. I grew up in a family where emotions were rarely expressed. Of course, I don't know that I've done any better. In many ways my family is the same. I have a very nice family but emotions and feelings are rarely expressed. I guess that I am more like my parents than I realize. The birth of my granddaughter released emotions that I never felt before. Sometimes when I look at her I think that I've never loved anyone as much as her. Other grandparents that I've talked with seem to have the same experience of grandchildren. Outside of my family I have people in my life who are dear to me. Do I love them? Certainly I care about them, some more than others, but do I love them? What's the difference between caring and loving? Like everyone else I want love in my life but what is the price of love and what do we expect of love? We want love but are sometimes suspicious of it. We wonder about the cost of love and the demands it may make upon us. If I was honest I would have to say much of the love in my life has been difficult and demanding. I don't think I have ever experienced love the way it is portrayed in the movies. We've all had experiences where we have loved and were not loved back. Occasionally we feel unloved and we wonder why we feel that way. We all want love but it often seems to me that most of us do not get the love we need. When I feel like that I wonder what it is I need that I am not getting. I guess part of the attractiveness of love is its mystery and potential. I think there's truth in the idea that it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Love will sometimes fill us up and other times break our hearts. People we love will sometimes make us happy and other times disappoint us. Most people with children will likely experience the meaning of tough love. I hope that as part of my own transformation I will always be open to love in my life even if it is sometimes more scary than comforting.

To be is to do.
-Socrates

To do is to be.
-Sartre

Do be do be do
-Sinatra

I Wasn't Born To Follow

It is a wonderfully cool evening. Later in the summer we will wish for such coolness. Across the street my neighbor is planting flowers and banana plants whose beauty I will soon enjoy when I look at my window. The sun has set and my neighborhood is filled with peacefulness. Around the corner in the kitchen a small amount of coffee is brewing. It contains just enough caffeine to keep me alert the rest of the evening until it is bed time. I am starting to read a new book by Tom Brokaw called "Boom! Voices of the Sixties". The book is his personal reflections of the 60's and today. Brokaw also wrote an excellent book about my parents generation called "The Greatest Generation". I am anxious to see how my generation is remembered in his book. It has been quite a ride so far being a Baby Boomer. I felt like a Baby Boomer/Easy Rider on the way home yesterday. I was alone and I was jamming to the soundtrack of a 60's movie called "Easy Rider". It was a beautiful day and I was driving down the highway. Blaring out of my speakers were songs like "Born to be Wild" and "Wasn't Born to Follow". When I was in my late teens such songs were anthems. Of course, I am no longer a teenager. I am a 57 year old Pa Paw who gets stiff if he sits in the same position too long. I can no longer stand up for an entire rock concert. I am not as openly rebellious as I once was but I still like breaking the rules. I think it's still true that I wasn't born to follow. Of course, when you are rebellious it doesn't mean you are against everything. I cooperate with many things that I consider good. What I am rebellious against are stupid and meaningless things. The world is full of both. If I ever run for president my campaign slogan might be "Freedom from Stupidity and Meaningless Things". Freedom of all kinds is important to everyone. The joy of freedom is why I like a day off from work. A week of vacation can seem like a blank check for freedom. We make ourselves crazy thinking of ways to spend it. Sometimes when I go visit my Dad in the nursing home I am inspired by some of the residents. Certainly there are some that make me sad and they bring tears to my eyes. There are others, however, who seem to wake up everyday planning their escape. My mother in law routinely says that she's leaving her assisted living home and "getting her own place". She also threatens to "call a cab, go to Mike and Denise's house, and take my car back". We have her in one of the nicest places in town with the best room and she still dreams of getting her freedom back. Sometimes one or two of the residents where my Dad lives sit near the exit and try to figure out the coded password to open the door. Occasionally I fantasize about being a Pied Piper and leading all of them to their freedom. If you ever see a middle aged hippie, who can't really dance very well, leading a procession of wheelchairs and walkers down the highway, you'll know I have finally lost it.

Consciousness is that annoying time between naps.
-Unknown author but sent to me by a friend who knows me well

Enlightenment is what happens when someone turns on the light while I am taking a nap.
-Michael Brown