The Search For Meaning

I’ve done too many things in life simply because I believed it was expected.  In general, I have played by most of the rules and I have done the “right things”.  Much of my life I have been reasonably content even when my circumstances didn’t seem supportive of any contentment.  I think I was able to find some contentment in most circumstances because it generally doesn’t take much too please me and most of the time I am grateful for anything good that comes my way.  In the midst of my contentment I have experienced some truly joyful moments.  What I have not experienced in abundance is an overarching sense of happiness.  Perhaps my expectations of life and people have been too great.  There have been too many situations and circumstances in my life that were little more than tolerable to me.  Part of the problem is my own worldview.  I am a dreamer and a romantic and most of life is not dreamy or romantic.  Although I do not consider myself a poet, I tend to look at life with poetic eyes.  I know I am too sensitive.  Sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of being happy.  Many people would love the life I have.  I must admit, however, that the life I have was never the life I dreamed of having.  Getting married, having children, and living in a house with a white picket fence, was never a life I thought about when I was young.  It all seemed way too ordinary for a dreamer and a romantic like me.  What happiness I have experienced is due to me finding meaning and joy in unexpected moments and places.  I am grateful for my sensitive nature and discerning eye.  I call this “finding the extraordinary within the ordinary”.  I also think this is due to being a contemplative person.  In moments of spiritual wakefulness I am able to see past life’s disappointments and I can find meaning in my life.  However, there are those that think that if you have to look for meaning in your life, there probably isn’t any.  Some believe the meaning in your life should be obvious.  I know thoughts such as these are nothing but existential angst, a malady suffered by most people from time to time.  What about you?  How do you feel?  Are you happy with the life you have?  Is your life meaningful to you or are you constantly struggling to find meaning and purpose within it?  There has to be more to life than simply existing.     

The Chapters Of Our Lives

The chapters of our life stories can often be taken from the decades in which we have lived.  I was a child of the 50’s, a time many considered idyllic.  I came of age in the 60’s, a time that was turbulent and a time in which there were many substantial changes in our culture.  In the 70’s I got a job, married a wife, bought a house, and became a parent.  Most of the 80’s and 90’s were devoted to turning a job into a career and raising two boys into men.  In the early 2000’s life changed for all of us because of 9/11.  I also became a grandfather and I discovered I had a gift for writing and sharing feelings that many people have but cannot always articulate.  I am now in my 60’s and my aging seems accelerated even though I am trying to slow my life down by downshifting as much as I can.  I feel like I am on the other side of the mountain but I am OK with that.  While climbing up the mountain I feel I accumulated some wisdom and a little enlightenment.  Life has been a tall mountain so I am not sure how long it will take me to get to the bottom of it.  I am in no hurry because I am enjoying the ride now.  It’s much easier because it is all downhill.  Life is a journey and every step is important.  How would you measure your life so far?  What are the chapters of your life?  Is the peak of your mountain in front of you or must you look over your shoulder to see it?

 

R.I.P. Robin Williams

 

"Good Grief"

-Wavy Gravy

Finding Happiness In Balance

Why are some people happy and others not?  First of all, it is a choice.  Some people choose to be happy despite what goes on around them and to them.  Others think they can't be happy until everything is perfect in their lives.  Many more always see the glass as half empty instead of half full.  It's all a matter of choice and perspective.  I do think it helps to have a balanced life.  Here are the things I think are important.  Every individual must work out how to have and balance these things in their life.  For me, they represent the essentials of a happy, balanced, and fulfilling life. 

 

The Six Essentials of a Balanced and Happy Life by Michael Brown

 

Mind.  Develop your intellect.  Read a book.  Learn a new skill.  Be open to new things.  If you don't use it, you lose it.  Rediscover the enthusiasm and curiosity you had as child to learn and discover new things.

 

Body.  Practice wellness.  Begin to live a healthy life now.  Take care of your body.  It is your vehicle through life.  Some people take better care of their cars than their own bodies.  Don't wait till the damage is done.

 

Spirit.   Be in touch with something bigger than yourself.  Have a belief system and a personal code of ethics.  Being part of a faith community works for some but not for others.  You can still explore the teachings of the great spiritual masters.  If nothing else, the golden rule works for everyone.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.   Practice the religion of kindness, compassion and tolerance.    

 

Work.  Give work what it needs and requires.  Being a workaholic and working hard are not the same things.  Look for work that is satisfying, not only to your bank account, but to your spirit.  Work is one of the ways we can share in the creative process of life.  Elevate it, in whatever way you can, to something more than just a mundane routine.

 

Family.  Being part of a family who loves you is one of life's greatest gifts.  Appreciate it.  Strive to make those in your families feel appreciated and loved.  Celebrate your family bonds!  There's an old saying that goes, "Home is where they have to take you in."  Be the kind of person that someone wants to take in.  Outside of the family develop friendships that are sustainable and long lasting.

 

Self.  Take time for yourself.  Balance time with others with solitude and time for personal reflection.  Be your own best friend.  Enjoy your own company.  Look in the mirror and know who you see.

 

Give all of these things time in your life.  Too much or too little of any of them creates an imbalance which can be a source of stress for many people.  When our life is in balance, we are at ease with living and happiness finds us.

 

 

Searching For The Reason

A friend in my office emailed me yesterday and reminded me that 19 years ago, on August 5^th, 1995, I was nearly killed in a traffic accident.  I had mostly forgotten this event but my friend was married on the same day and in a very sad turn of events her grandmother was killed in another traffic accident on the very same day.  As it turns out we were both in the emergency room at the same time although I had no idea while it was happening.  It was a tough week for me.  While I was home recovering from my accident, Jerry Garcia of the Grateful Dead died unexpectedly.  Being a card carrying Deadhead, I was very upset.  Several days later there was a memorial in the park for Jerry but I was in no condition to attend.  My youngest son, the one who is now a priest, attended for me.  He was a teenager at the time.  The joke in the office was that people were filling up my cubicle with incense and candles.  In those days I was often mistaken for Jerry Garcia since I had shoulder length graying hair and a beard and I looked like Jerry’s twin brother.  When I finally returned to work there was a post-it note on my computer monitor.  It simply said, “You were spared for a reason.  Now you need to figure out why.”  After nearly twenty years of additional life I am still searching for the reason.  I think I am like most people.  The value of my own life is not usually obvious to me.  I live my life, I do what I do, and I can only hope it has some value.  Much of our lives we are planting seeds that we may not see grow.  Many people plant trees under whose shade they will never sit.  Many of us may be noticed more by our absence than by our presence.  Either way, we should live our lives to the best of our abilities and hope the purpose and mission of our lives is realized.    

I am still a card carrying Deadhead but keep that under your hat.  I wear a disguise to the office so I don’t freak anyone out.

Be Alive And Awake

Here’s something I once read from a book called Peace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh.

 

We try to be in touch with life and look deeply as we drink our tea, walk, sit down, or arrange flowers.  The secret of the success is that you are really yourself, and when you are really yourself, you can encounter life in the present moment.

 

Today I want all of you to really be who you are.  Along with being who you are I want you to be where you are and I want you to do what you are doing.  This might all sound simple but it is not.  Most people are not who they really are.  Most of us are trying to be who we think we need to be to impress or appease others.  Most of us are not where we are.  Our minds and bodies are rarely in the same place.  Whatever most of us are doing, we are probably thinking about what we need to do next.  Many of our lives demand multi-tasking and that really complicates things.  In today’s world it is very challenging to only do one thing at a time.  Wherever you are today, and whatever you are doing each moment, be there and do it.  If you’re drinking your coffee, tea, or soda, really drink it.  Know that you are drinking it.  When you have a snack or eat your lunch, know that you are doing it.  Taste your food, enjoy it’s flavor, and mindfully chew it.  If you are outside, and there is a breeze, feel the wind.  Today is going to be hot so it will be a simple task to feel the sun.  Simply put, live your life today and enjoy every minute of the day.  Be alive and awake.     

What You Value Is Who You Are

Tell me what you pay attention to and I will tell you who you are.

- Jose Ortega y Gasset

 

What do you care about?  How do you spend your free time?  If you ask my granddaughter what I like she will reply “books and music”.  There is no doubt that I love to spend much of my free time reading books and listening to music.  I am also a solitary person so I enjoy my time alone.  Throw in a good cup of coffee and I’m very content.  If you walked into my man cave you would see a lot of books, CD’s, and probably a coffee cup on my table.  This might sound boring to some of you who are more action oriented but I accept that I am probably a boring person to many.  I am happy to be left alone and allowed to simply be.  I get it that many of you are the total opposite of me.  I’m OK with that.  You are who you are.  However, I suspect that there are a lot of people who simply don’t think much about who they are and maybe not much about what they value.  If you could have the rest of this day off, and you had no pressing demands or chores that simply had to be done, what would you do for the rest of the day.  OK, I admit that along with the things I have already mentioned I would slip in a nap.  I had a very busy weekend.  My granddaughter was over most of Saturday and Sunday plus I had a family get together yesterday for a brother who is moving to another state.  However, let’s pretend we all got some rest over the weekend and slept well last night.  How would you spend the time today?  Would you choose a quiet day at home, relaxing, and doing something you enjoy?  Would you spend the day at the new outlet mall buying more stuff that you don’t need?  Would you go volunteer at your church?  Take a walk in the park or go work out?  Sometime today think about what you value and how you would spend your time if you truly owned all your time and you had the total freedom to decide how it was used.  What is it in your life that tells you who you are?  

Grief And Joy

The difference between grief and joy is what we do with them.  Grief we push away.  Joy we try to hold on to.  When we refuse our grief, it stays.  When we try to control our joy, it leaves.  That’s the way these processes are.

-Ann Wilson Schaef 

I have not experienced a lot of grief in my life.  Yes, people have died in my life but for most of them it was their time and I was able to accept it.  A big exception to this was the death of a dear friend last year that was both sudden and unexpected.  I am still grieving that loss.  Of course, grief is about more than accepting and dealing with the deaths of people.  There are many kinds of losses in our lives.  It could be the end of a relationship or a job.  In some ways I have lost my children because they are now adults with lives of their own.  They are no longer the little boys who used to fight with me and beat me up in the middle of my living room floor.  I have also lost my youth and must accept that I am not the man I was at age thirty.  On a positive note I think I am a better man although one with considerably less physical abilities.  I have been blessed to experience more joy in my life than sorrow.  The temptation of joy is the desire to re-create the situation that gave us joy.  I am thinking of a past solitary moment, early on a cool autumn morning, when I sat on the side of a hill, while the sun rose over a lake and the light was shining through the trees and burning the mist from the lake’s surface.  It was one of my contemplative, Zen moments and I experienced what some psychologists call “flow.”  This is the experience of being so in the moment that you transcend time and space and are truly in the now.  On a different day I could plan such a moment and feel nothing.  The joy of the initial experience was a gift, not a reward.  I did nothing to earn it.  It just happened.  Does this make sense?  As people we are deeply emotional beings whether we realize it or not.  Some of us embrace our feelings while others of us repress them.  I tend to do a little of both.  It’s easy to embrace joy or love but I tend to repress feelings like anger.  Sooner or later repressed feelings will make themselves known.  Often they show up as physical ailments like headaches or depression.  I guess my advice would be to feel your feelings.  It’s wonderful to jump for joy but it’s also OK to feel angry once in a while.  It’s all about balance.  I’m not sure it’s possible to be happy, joyful, and upbeat every minute of the day.  To be honest, people like that wear me out.  However, if you are angry and negative all the time, you might want to work on that.  It’s not normal or healthy.