Wednesday, April 28, 2010

That Was Then, This Is Now

Walking around my office today with my headphones on, listening to psychedelic music by a 60's band called Moby Grape that was recorded live at the famous Avalon Ballroom in 1968, made me feel like I was on an acid trip. I haven't actually been on a acid trip for approximately 40 years but I can still remember them. I am not going to lie. At the time I really enjoyed them and I think they gave me a whole new way of looking at life. That was then, this is now.

I had a quiet day at work today and I mostly kept to myself. I wasn't in a bad mood and I wasn't feeling anti-social. In a manner of speaking I was cocooning within myself. Periodically I need to retreat from the world even when I cannot physically get away from my daily life. I can be in the middle of my very large office and not really be there. Sometimes I almost believe I have the gift of invisibility.

The reaction to my recent resignation has been overwhelmingly positive. A number of people have sent me very warm and supportive emails thanking me for all I've done and some even said they admired my courage and ability to discern that it was the right time to do what I did and that I actually did it. I was truly grateful for all the support. This resignation relieves me of some responsibility, and a little worry, but it does not suddenly provide me with lots of time. I am still working full time at my "paying" job. It is a reasonably pleasant job but I often grow tired of it. I think what I need more than anything is some real rest and relaxation. One email I received had "Cheer Up!" in the subject line and when I opened it the first line read, "You have major burnout". I didn't really think of my situation in those terms but I think there is some truth to this. I certainly am not immune to burnout. By the time you are my age you have probably been doing a lot of things, maybe the same things, for a very long time. This is certainly true for me. Along with the psychic fatigue, there is certainly some burnout and lots of boredom with the routines of my life. I don't have an immediate plan of action for this but I told a friend this morning that I am at an age where I want to let go of more and take on less. My immediate goal is to do nothing and be nothing. That has a certain Buddhist tone to it and I like that. I need to rejuvenate myself so that is what I hope to do.

Today was a beautiful day.

1 comment:

Kevin Anthony said...

Enjoyed your blog and would love to have you as a listener. Good Luck to you and your rejuvenation!

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