Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Living With Grief

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of the death of my best friend.  I miss him very much.  I still expect to see his name on my caller ID but the phone is not ringing.  In a world that has given us Facebook, where people have hundreds and thousands of “friends”, the reality is that if you have a handful of real friends, you are a very fortunate person.  I know lots of people and lots of people know me.  However, there are only a few people who are truly part of my inner circle.  My friend, Dennis, was one of these people.  Some people think of me as their guru and advisor.  Some people hang on every word I write.  I generally try to write in a positive way that encourages other people.  The reality is that some of my writing comes from my own pain.  Occasionally I need a guru and advisor.  Dennis was this person for me and now that space is empty.  I was thinking about Dennis last night as I tried to fall asleep.  It occurred to me that part of my difficulty dealing with his death is perhaps a lack of traditional closure.  One day Dennis was alive and well.  The next thing I know I am at his funeral.  There was no funeral home visitation and I never saw his body again because he was cremated.  The whole funeral home process now makes a little more sense to me as a ritual that has meaning and is part of the grieving process.  I am a long way from being over this event in my life.  I still can’t think about it too much without upsetting myself.  It gives me much to ponder.  It makes me more grateful for the deeper friendships I have.  It reminds me to never take anyone or anything for granted.  It’s a painful lesson but, perhaps, a necessary one


Tim Bindner said...

Still dealing with this issue with my dad. He died in december 2007.

Sandy said...

Mike your blog is very interesting. So sorry to read about the passing of your friend. We are all reaching the age where we lose family and friends. Its not easy and it hurts. I hope you will find peace in your good memories of him. Congrats on your son Nick being ordained. I can tell from what you have written how proud You and Denise are of both your boys. Take care. Peace and Blessings