Thursday, November 03, 2016

Living With Yourself

Sometimes I look at my life and think, “Well, this hasn’t turned out like I planned”.
-A Facebook Meme
Do you ever feel like you have a split personality?  I am not talking about a good version of yourself  versus an evil twin.  I am talking about having totally different aspects of who you are that can occasionally seem in conflict.  Some of this I can understand about myself on a psychological level.  I am a student of something called the Enneagram which gives one a deep understanding of personalities, characteristics, and behavioral patterns.  In a couple of weeks I am attending an all-day seminar on the Enneagram.  According to the Enneagram I am a Type 9 which is also known as the “Peacemaker”.  In the Enneagram, your personality also has what are called “wings”.  There is more to it than I can explain in this short reflection so I am included some links below for those who are interested in learning more.  With my personality I often feel caught in the middle between a man who wants to save the world and another man who wants to rebel against everything.  It is a psychological tug of war.  To make life even more challenging I am an aging tie dyed Zen hippie who loves rock and roll part of the day and a Buddhist monk the rest of the day.  I would live in a cave in the Himalaya mountains if I could but then I wouldn’t have electricity to charge my iPod.  I also sometimes fantasize about being a solitary writer, with internet access, who lives in a log cabin deep in the woods with no one to talk to except the animals.  If the animals talk back I have probably been out there too long.  Holding these aspects of my life together is a somewhat normal life as a married man with children and a granddaughter who works for an insurance company.  Who we all appear to be and who most of us are in our personal daydreams is not always the same person.  On a daily basis in my office I literally see hundreds of people.  Sometimes as I walk around I look at them and wonder who they really are and who they really want to be.  Other times I look in the mirror and wonder the same about myself.  Too many of us end up the way we are and where we are as an accident of life.  Is your life going as planned?    

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