Self-Knowledge

One of the things I did while on vacation was attend an all-day Enneagram workshop.  I have mentioned the Enneagram many times in past writings.  It is a personality typing system similar to the Myers-Briggs but in my opinion is a much deeper way of understanding your behavior and way of being.  The workshop consisted of lectures and films of groups of people who represented various personality types.  During the workshop I started having a bit of an existential crisis as I slowly realized I am not really who I think I am.  Self-awareness is a tricky game.  Most of us think we are one thing, we are perceived as another thing by others, and in reality we are something else.  It is very challenging to see yourself as you really are.  When I first started studying psychological types I was instantly attracted to types that I wanted to be, hoped to be, or who had traits I admired.  Many of us live much of our lives in the illusion of an imaginary self.  This is due in part because all personality types have attractive qualities.  However, no personality type is better than another personality type.  All have gifts and all have dysfunctions.  One thing I have slowly learned is that you usually find your true type by admitting to and owning the less attractive traits of a particular personality type.  As I listened to the lecturer and watched the various panels speak about their types, I tried to be honest with myself and own up to some less than attractive behaviors.  I am not a different person now because I attended this workshop.  However, I think I am a more self-aware person and hopefully a more honest person about my own strengths and weaknesses.