Monday, April 23, 2007


Why do we sometimes feel lonely? I am married with children and a granddaughter. I have many friends. Most people who know me seem to like and even admire me. Yet, I often feel lonely. I am not sure why. I believe myself to be a loving person yet I often feel unloved. I think these feelings began in my childhood. I grew up in a large family, the oldest of six children. My parents were basically good but uneducated people. They provided for every physical need. I always had a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and food on the table. I was never abused. What I now realize was lacking is all the emotional stuff. I do not recall ever being hugged or told I was loved. Now, as a middle aged adult, I still feel that pain. Yes, I know there are people in this world that love me but it is not the love I need. To be honest, I can't explain what I need because even I am not totally sure. I am very introverted and that may contribute to my problem. Perhaps I do not try enough to get the love I need. Why am I so introverted? Again, I go back to my childhood. There was at least a two year time period when I must have had all my parents attention. Then my sister was born, following by a brother, then another sister, followed by two more brothers. As each was born I was pushed further from the center. This was, I believe, complicated by living in a very small house. Psychologically and physically, life became crowded so I retreated within myself. Of course, all of this makes me who I am today and that is not a bad thing. Much of my goodness is because of who and what I am. Still, I cannot explain my loneliness or feelings of being unloved. I will acknowledge that many people seem to love the public me, the "Daily Thoughts" guy but I have no one on one relationships that are truly satisfying with the exception of my young and loving granddaughter. At least with her, I am the center of the universe.

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