Monday, April 27, 2009

The INFP Experience

My wife had a doctor's appointment this morning so we both got to sleep a little later than normal for a workday. I was lost in my dreams when a very joyous bird began singing it's hymn to the dawn. The sound was so sweet, clear, and vivid that I wouldn't have been surprised to find the bird perched on my night stand. I wasn't quite ready to wake up but the singing was very beautiful so I simply laid in bed and listened. Such singing is one of the sure signs of spring. Spring? It felt more like summer this past weekend with temperatures in the high 80's. Despite the heat it was a beautiful weekend. I must admit, however, that I spent most of the weekend in my house. I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and two days to get there.

Yesterday I more or less wrote that most of the joy in my life doesn't involve people. What does this mean? I know I am an introvert but am I also a failure in relationships? I really have no one that I consider a best friend. There is really no one that knows everything about me. It's not that I have anything to hide. There are no skeletons in my closet. I just mean that there is no one with whom I am close enough or trusting enough to be completely honest about everything I think or feel. When I have a bad day there is no one I call. On a good day I am a withdrawn and solitary person. On a bad day I just withdraw even more. I have the true INFP experience as described in most Myers-Briggs documentation. What is the INFP experience? Here's one brief description.

Life as an INFP (Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Perceiver) People of this type tend to be: quiet, reserved, and kind; deeply passionate, sensitive, and easily hurt; loving and dedicated to those close to them; creative, original, and imaginative; curious and flexible in small matters; nonconforming. The most important thing to INFPs is their deeply held beliefs and living in harmony with their values.

I think I do feel different than most people. I rarely meet someone who is temperamentally like me. I often feel that no one really understands me and I don't really know what to do about it. My love of solitude is really more of an escape. When I am alone I can avoid my issues and not have to deal with anyone. Last night it occurred to me that I need to find something outside of myself in which to spend what limited energy I have. I am too self absorbed and this usually causes me to feel sad or depressed. The question is "What can I do or what should I do"? One thing is for sure. I need a vacation from myself.


Unknown said...

I too feel all the things you describe, I too have met no one who has the same mentality or level of awareness as I have found and i'm only thirty two, not one has crossed my path who gives this impression although I will know, just like now, that there are others, we are just spread few and far between, love n light on your ppathway my friend and in the darkest, most isolated of times just send the thought and believe when you get the thought back, its not your imagination its me or someone of me that has replied to your cry, the comfort yoou could feel is he comfort of us all hugging with time and distance none existent, just the flickering of the fire and the songs of the birds as we all meet once more and rejoice for we have travelled far and achieved much, you know that you dont have to see to believe, you feel it, you trust it.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for writing this...makes me feel someone understands me somewhere...