Thursday, February 22, 2007

Evaluating Oneself

Yesterday I had to do my personal self evaluation for my annual performance review. I dislike evaluating myself. It's very difficult to be objective. If you praise your performance, it seems arrogant. If you downplay your accomplishments, it can be false humility. I've never been very good at blowing my own horn. I prefer to be judged by others based on what they see or hear. It's like these daily thoughts. I often talk about spiritual things. Am I really spiritual? Am I holy? It's not for me to decide. Hopefully, we are what we present to the world. I think we are responsible for the perceptions that we give others. Once I decided to stop by my church for a quiet visit on the way home from work. I encountered my parish priest in the parking lot. I said, "Oops! You caught me going to church!" I really wasn't doing it to impress him. It just seemed like the right thing to do on that day. Was he impressed? Maybe. Every day of my life I get out of bed hoping to do the right things that day, whatever they turn out to be. Am I consciously trying to impress anyone? Not really. Do I impress anyone? Well, I hope so once in a while. However, there will be days where I impress no one. There will be days I do the right things and no one will see any of them. Those are the days where maybe I am being a little holy without realizing it. Who we truly are is who we are when no one is looking.

1 comment:

Pat Edwards said...

It seems a contradiction to set your own standards and try to do right every day and then say that you would prefer to have others judge you.
It also opens to the door to me judging others. How could I want others to judge me, but I never judge others.
The word itself is loaded (for me). Evaluate has less black and white -- more possibility of a scale with room for improvement.