Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Living Up To The Hype

It is really cold this morning. The wind chill is 2 degrees. My car doors were frozen shut and my beard was starting to freeze as I walked into my office from the parking garage.

I may have created a monster with my daily thoughts. I have shared so many thoughts about my life and myself that some people think I am more than I am. I believe some think I am the poster child for all I believe and strive to live. It is occasionally difficult to live up to my reputation. A couple of years ago there was an article about me in the newspaper. I was flattered but it was also embarrassing. Since I share stories about my family life, some imagine it is perfect. It's not perfect. I still can't get my 25 year old son to load the dishwasher. My wife still thinks that because I am a man I should be a master of all tools and that I am the only one capable of taking out the trash. After 30+ years of marriage I still can't fix the toilet. I love the teachings of the Buddha and the Dalai Lama but I am not a real Zen Master. One of my new co-workers thought that working with me would be one continuous Zen experience. She's probably disappointed. I am not always at peace with myself or the world and I do not walk around in a continuous state of bliss. Don't confuse the daze I am sometimes in with Zen bliss. Sometimes I am angry and frustrated and yes, occasionally I swear. I love and appreciate life but I also have moments where I feel empty and uninspired. Some of my best friends are monks, priests, and other holy types but I am still not as spiritual as I would like to be. I suppose I am a good enough person but like everyone else I have my flaws and it is a never ending battle to overcome some of them. If I have any wisdom, it the wisdom to recognize wisdom. I think I know what's important in life but I, too, sometimes get lost along the way. We are all flawed and we are all wounded. I am no different. So, if you encounter me in your life, please remember that the Michael Brown of the daily thoughts is just a person like you. I have mostly good days but some are less than stellar. Some days I want to be like my granddaughter and "choose not to participate in group activities" that are also known as life. I want to stay home, be alone, and play rock and roll music all day. How deep is that?

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